Remortgaging advice

Hi emack

I am a mom of a compulsive gambler not a spouse but I know Gam Anon states that the gambler themselves are responsible for any gambling debts . I know financially this may not make sense but the premise is it's best not to bail them out of their debts.

I am sure some of the partners of gamblers will be along shortly with some advice.

Please don't rush into anything.

Cathyx

Absolutely not in a million years do you agree to this!! What you do is check your own credit report and distance yourself financially from your husband. Don't have joint finances and if you do then undo it. Because that's when it does affect you if he has poor credit and you both share finance then his name and poor credit shows on your file. Keep it separate. Advice I had when I asked if I should bail my husband out was if you do this then accept the money is gone forever and next time it will be more. It's not your addiction and in no way should you be financially responsible. Protect yourself. Is your husband attending meetings? Has he handed you financial control? The fact that he's asking for a bail out doesn't seem like he understands his addiction. Please be strong don't let him take you down with him. Good luck x

Another NO NO NO from me! I would have loved to get someone else to take responsibility for my debts, especially given the chance it would have freed up more money for me to carry on my delusional lifestyle like all of my personal remortgages did. You may well be married but you can separate out your finances & never mind him telling you the technicalities, what would he be saying if you'd gone out & bought yourself 30k worth of bling & then given it to a street performer for 'services rendered' (entertainment)?

Good advice as above, you need to get support for yourself & if he's not going to meetings/having counselling then you have to protect yourself financially because that debt will only increase.

Sorry to hear you are in this position, look after yourself - ODAAT

Morning,

It's one thing to read what -experienced- cyber strangers have posted, it's quite another to deal with your real life husband who has his own agenda that is corrupted by his addiction to gambling.

You would be best advised to help yourself, urgently. Start by educating yourself about gambling addiction, there's a lot of information and advice on this forum, read as much as you can. Call the helpline and get real life support for you via GC counselling and from GamAnon meetings. That will put you in the best possible position to make the decisions that need to be made.

The problem is not the debt, it's the addiction. The debt is the unsurprising consequence of a compulsion to engage in an activity that involves a net outflow of cash. If the addiction is overcome and the gambling stops, in time the finances improve because cash is no longer haemorrhaging out to the betting industry.

The experience of friends and family here and at GamAnon is we bail out (at first and in ignorance) but nothing else changes, the gambling continues openly or secretly and the debts reappear, increased each time. Then we start to cop on. Therefore understand very clearly the link between mortgage arrears (the mortgage payments having been diverted to the betting industry) and the lender repossessing.

The othet standard advice is that the gambler needs to understand the link between giving in to the compulsion to bet and financial hardship. He's not going to change whilst someone else clears up his mess but he might if responsibility is firmly placed with him.

Similarly, your problem is the effect that his behaviour is having on you, emotional and financial. Protect yourself by getting the credit reports, separating finances and also ideally by taking your own legal and financial advice.

Taking on his debt helps no one and solves nothing. Start by taking care of you.

CW

I expect he would like to pay his debt off without the regular reminder of the consolidated repayments he's making. If it's rolled up in the mortgage repayment he doesn't have to see it. Out of sight out of mind but it would be very unwise for you to agree to this. Don't agree to anything that leaves you open to having to repay his debts. Suggesting you're technically liable is typical CG manipulation. Protet your own interests and don't fall for it.

Simple answer from me is don't do it. He needs to feel the consequences of his actions and effectively being bailed out (he will dispute this probably) will do no good. Be careful when talking to him about it again as CG's (I am one myself) can be very manipulative and persuasive in situations like this. It is his debt, not yours just because you are married. You can help him of course but the vast majority of the effort must come from him, that's if he wants any help at all.

All the best

30 grand is a lot of money as you know but if you tie that up in the house over the mortgage period paying 30 grand back equals over the period somewhere in the region of 90 thousand pounds that's taking on average every pound borrowed equates to 3 payed back . At the end of the day you'll then be taking half his debt in your name should you separate it will take away from your share of equity. If he's not in the position to pay what he owes I suggest he contact an Iva consultant as I did it's five years of scrutiny but was worth the pain coming out the other side debt free. As been stated if you bail him out when will it end ?