Resources/info for those affected by others’ gambling?

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 j
(@3mko7il2jf)
Posts: 6
Topic starter
 

Hi

I’m hoping someone can signpost me to resources specifically for those affected by others’ gambling. 

I’ve very recently found out about my husband’s gambling - eye watering debts, which are set up with unsustainable repayments even if no more money disappears, and more than a decade of lies. 

I would like information about practical ways to safeguard myself and my kids. What measures can I take to reduce risk of further losses? What checks should I be putting in place? What other questions should I even be asking, and to whom? 

 It’s been an enormous shock and I’ve been taking in a lot of new information this week. But I feel like I’m finding my way in the dark, as the various lines I’ve called (Gamcare, Step change, Debtline) have only been able to offer advice on how I can help him with the repayments/support his recovery. 

Gamcare offered to talk through how I’m feeling about it. This was nice, but I have friends and family giving me amazing emotional support. What’s missing is practical knowledge, this is so far from anything any of us have experienced. 

Thanks for any info. 

 
Posted : 1st December 2023 8:21 am
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Posts: 5902
Admin
 

Hi there j, welcome to the forum and thanks for posting. Things sound difficult.

There are several resources to support you, take a look at https://www.gamcare.org.uk/self-help/managing-your-money/   where you will find some information For family and friends: keeping your finances safe.

We also have a Family and Friends chatroom Tuesdays at 7pm https://community.gamcare.org.uk/chatrooms/ where you can gain some further advice and see what other people have done.

It might actually be worth thinking about having a few sessions with a GamCare practitioner who will not only be able to give support but also help you think through boundaries and different ways to keep you and your children safe, you can either ring the helpline and get yourself referred through or make a self referral https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/find-local-support/

There is also a group for affected others called Way Forward, that a GamCare practitioner could refer you to.

 

Good luck and keep us posted

 

All the best

Jane

Forum Admin

 
Posted : 1st December 2023 10:14 am
(@956hw3c2mr)
Posts: 16
 

Posted by: @3mko7il2jf

Hi

I’m hoping someone can signpost me to resources specifically for those affected by others’ gambling. 

I’ve very recently found out about my husband’s gambling - eye watering debts, which are set up with unsustainable repayments even if no more money disappears, and more than a decade of lies. 

I would like information about practical ways to safeguard myself and my kids. What measures can I take to reduce risk of further losses? What checks should I be putting in place? What other questions should I even be asking, and to whom? 

 It’s been an enormous shock and I’ve been taking in a lot of new information this week. But I feel like I’m finding my way in the dark, as the various lines I’ve called (Gamcare, Step change, Debtline) have only been able to offer advice on how I can help him with the repayments/support his recovery. 

Gamcare offered to talk through how I’m feeling about it. This was nice, but I have friends and family giving me amazing emotional support. What’s missing is practical knowledge, this is so far from anything any of us have experienced. 

Thanks for any info. 

Hey there,

Well, isn't life just a rollercoaster of surprises? Sorry to hear about the gambling chaos – sounds like your husband took "high stakes" to a whole new level. 

Now, I'm no expert, but I'd suggest hiding the Monopoly money before he tries to mortgage Park Place. In all seriousness, though, it's rough. Maybe try asking Gamcare if they have a secret "how to hide the family Monopoly set" guide. If not, I'm here for moral support and questionable jokes. Hang in there!

 
Posted : 1st December 2023 10:22 am
(@wv35if2omg)
Posts: 32
 

What worked for me was that I had to turn all financial resources over to my wife. I only get a small allowance each week, (which I am not supposed to gamble with but i usually do :(. But the bulk of the money is all in her hands. I changed my direct deposit paychecks over to her account number for which I do not have the password. I had to cut up all my debit and credit cards. I have no access to large sums for which to gamble with anymore and so far it is working. My wife pays all the bills and fills up my car with gas each week. It is so hard to stop gambling. The only thing that is foolproof is to just not have any money to gamble WITH. I hope this helps. 

 
Posted : 1st December 2023 11:03 am
Merry go round
(@merry-go-round)
Posts: 1487
 

Hi so this is what I did/do. I financially severed myself regarding house, I went to a solicitor.

I control all money. He initially had no access so just cash and receipt. Now he has his card which has limit, no online purchases. He can’t go overdrawn. It notifies me of low balance. I have all passwords and check via an app.

This is after at least 18years of lies and hiding, gambling loans, remortgaging house.

credit reports help

gamstop on gadgets.

 

I like meetings I found nearest Gamanon and went . Those members understand and have lots of information and support, unfortunately friends and family won’t really know how it feels.

there are many meetings online.

realistically you can’t take control unless he’s willing to give it to you. Needs to admit he’s beaten.

ask questions and we can try and help. Good luck 

 
Posted : 1st December 2023 2:27 pm
 j
(@3mko7il2jf)
Posts: 6
Topic starter
 

@forum-admin thanks - I’ve now been connected with the next Way Forward group and have contacted the local provider for counselling. 

The information sheet looks useful. When I called your helpline and asked very specifically for information on how I could financially protect myself, the advisor can’t have been aware of this, as I was just advised to call stepchange. 

I feel like it would be really helpful to have a section of your website dedicated to resources for people affected by others’ gambling. I know there’s probably more information out there, and having it all in one place would save people having to sift through resources mostly aimed at gamblers themselves. 

And would be much easier to signpost. 

Thanks

 
Posted : 2nd December 2023 7:52 am
 j
(@3mko7il2jf)
Posts: 6
Topic starter
 

@merry-go-round thank you. Sounds like a massive amount of work and responsibility for you (and me!). He’s willing to make changes to how our finances work. 

Meetings sounds really useful - I’ll connect with local services.

Thanks

 
Posted : 2nd December 2023 7:58 am
 j
(@3mko7il2jf)
Posts: 6
Topic starter
 

@wv35if2omg thanks for the honesty and realism!

 
Posted : 2nd December 2023 7:59 am

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