Hi,
I'm new to this forum but thought it may be a good place to start.
My partner of 6 years has gradually started to spiral regarding gambling, more so since lockdown and being furloughed with little to do. When I found out the gambling was a real problem last June having blown around £20k of savings, he continued to gamble despite returning to work and run up credit card debt, this is someone who's going against his own values to find his next drop on slots.Â
We come to October 2021 and he was planning to apply for a rather large overdraft so we agreed together a credit card was a safer option given the gambling restrictions, he drew money from the atm to deposit! Again, supported with a balance transfer to a 0% card with 21 months to focus on repaying. He also disclosed he had "borrowed" money from a family member. I've encouraged signing up to gamstop but he wont, the family work in a gambling background and use the exchange a lot.. he now has deposit limits on his accounts but his internet browsing history is showing at least 10 searches in the last 24 hours of multiple casinos. Ive printed self help work from gamstop, bought books including one by paul merson. He can see the problem but is now responding to any question from me around gambling by lying. Apparently those searches on the internet history are old, despite being date and time stamped.Â
I'm at a bit of a loss because I'm a trainee therapist and I know that he needs to want to help himself, ive tried being supportive, non judgmental and open minded. Ive tried open questioning but the impact this is having on my wellbeing and also our relationship is horrific. Im not hoping for anything in particular, just someone who understands my perspective and whether or not this is something worth putting my energy into (the little I have left). Of course I love this man deeply but I feel like I'm not important, my emotions are invalidated daily and at what point do you accept someone does not want to change.
Can I access counselling myself perhaps or does he need to be on board? Thanks in advance ?
It needs to come from him first. Worst part about this addiction is that it can claim anyone form a street cleaner to a professor. When you have your prefrontal cortex hijacked like this you will never see sense til your fuel (cash) source is depleted and then reality hits in. If he is interested in getting help you will find out when there is no fuel to play. I do not think you will talk him out of this addiction but if you could find a cbt therapist that he will agree to meet that could be a good start. If he has gone far down the road of addiction he may need to go to some quiet place for a 2 week period for some therapy without mobiles internet or bookies. Hypnotherapy works for some. There is lots you can do. if he just wants to do it. Knowledge, mindfulness and a plan will get him back up.
I wish you well!
Best
C
Hello @Aimee0311
So sorry you're going through this. Just want to say, that yes, you can access support for yourself. We offer support to anyone affected by gambling (either their own or someone else's) in England, Scotland and Wales.
There is support for your partner too of course, if he wants it, but whether he wants to change or not, we are there for you. Just give us a call on 0808 8020 133 or by Livechat. We're here 24/7. You can also find out more about the support we offer at our website: https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/find-local-treatment/
Best wishes,
Deirdre
Forum Admin
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