Stay or go?

Hi,

It so hard to know what's for the best and no one has a crystal ball to see into the future. 

I gambled for 23yrs with it progressively get more severe. I promised my wife change time and time again and although I meant it in the moment after it had all gone wrong the next relapse was never far away. My wife bailed me out over the 23yrs with several hundred thousand and things only changed when I was sick and fed up of being sick. I tried meetings and blocks but they never worked for me long-term as I was someone who suffered with Low self worth, anxiety, fear, rejection, insecurities, anger, frustration, resentments and massive amounts of boredom (discontentment). I finally seeked out counselling and worked tirelessly on the relationship with myself and learnt coping strategies on how to deal with life on life's terms so that I am emotionally stable. I've not only been free from addiction for a good number of years but I no longer have to be escaping myself with keeping busy all the time or getting some buzz from something else. The journey has not been easy but my wife and myself have the best life ever.

All the best. X 

Hi emmc88. The most important thing now is what are you going to do. Not him, you. No more bailouts, no more excuses. Call stepchange and talk to someone about your debt. You definitely don't need to pay interest on cc debts. They will help you. Find a gamanon meeting. Call gamcare get some counselling. Giving a gambler money is fatal. Don't imagine that this is it, it will never happen again. Protect yourself and your finances. Set some rules, he needs GA, every week. He needs to download blocking software. He needs to sort his own debts, via stepchange. Don't do it for him. He can sign up to gamstop for 5 years and show you the email. He's an addict and this is tough to beat.  

Thanks for getting back to me Its such a tricky one...tho I'm totally kicking myself for sending him the rent money because I locked myself out of my online banking and I thought he could be trusted, I should of knew better than to send that amount of money so I'm blaming myself for it 

Hi, 

Try not to blame yourself as it will just lead to you feeling sad and unhappy. At least you now know that at this moment in the current situation that he can't be trusted with money. It's so important that you protect yourself from the consequences of his actions if he chooses to continue this slippery slope. 

Please make sure that you have got emotional support whilst trying to resolve this unfortunate situation because you are important in all of this! 

Kind regards. X

Em this is all new to you and none of it is your fault and you make make some mistakes along the road if you decide to stay in your relationship.

I would make sure he has no access to money and he and you both register on gamstop just for starters. Then there is zero access to money, be in total control of his money,  ( you can use Monzo which is a bank that you can block gambling transactions and restrict cash taken out of the account and you can also set it up to see all transactions on it. My salary is paid in to my wifes account and if i need money then she puts it in my Monzo account ). Also Internet access is something to think about but most of all what will he do to address his behaviour.