Hi,
Me and a number of friends think that another ("E") has a gambling issue. He has been attempting to borrow significant amounts of money from us, and even others that he has not been in contact with for a long time. When we have asked him what it is for, he says "I can't say yet, but hopefully I will have positive news soon". He still owes another friend £, and has not received a penny back in a year or even a repayment plan. I lent him less, did get repaid, he promised never to ask again but two months later he sent me a message with pleasantries, and then "I'm sooo uncomfortable to have to ask you, but can I borrow £?". I called him, politely turned down his request, and, (surprisingly casually, for him) E said "oh, that's OK - I managed to get it from elsewhere".
He has a nature of being very secretive, and has not told us about many other (positive) events in his life. As an example, we have been mates for 26 years but I only found out via a mutual friend that E bought a flat three years ago. He uses the excuse of "home repairs", but as far as we can see there is no need for that. His salary is very moderate, so it would have been a huge sacrifice for him to buy it. I asked him straight-up "E, are you having trouble keeping a roof over your head?", and he replied in the negative. Ditto to drugs, blackmail and other things.
E is financially naiive, has a history of lending money to others and not receiving it back, and last time I saw his laptop he had a share trading app on it and he inferred that he was getting "guidance". He is notoriously indecisive and bad with technology, so we are concerned that he might even have got involved in crypto. He is lonely, and we think that he might have received a WhatsApp from a VERY attractive person promising guidance for riches (my partner received one of those). We think that he might now be trying to cover his losses by gambling more, and is too proud to admit it.
It is hurtful to us that he does not feel that he can reach out to us for advice and guidance (we will not lend him another penny). It now appears that he might be in serious trouble. It is his birthday today, so I messaged him and said "drinks and dinner are on me". He responded with an excuse "umm, maybe Saturday if I'm not too tired". We have each individually asked him carefully to open up, but are being stonewalled - do you guys think that it is time for a so-called "intervention"?
Hi
It is helpful to unhealthy people who need to find a healthy recovery for them to know that when they are ready to go in to recovery you will go with them and give them support.
If they are unable to be honest with them self they are unable to be honest with you.
The person they need to get honest with is them self.
It is important to not give them any money what so ever.
The money is just the fuel for the addiction.
When you are ready to walk in to the room of recovery I willl be there with you.
I will drive you there.
But I am unable to make any one become didicated to recovery untill they are ready for it.
A healthy hand of support helps them over come their fears.
I have known of people not talk in a meeting untill they had been going over 4 months with out saying a word.
Most people consumed by an addictions are emotionally vulnerable.
Most people consumed by an addictions are lving in fears anxiety panic stress and wound up like a spring.
I thought that I would be the last person on this planet to give up my addiction and obsessions.
No one could tell me how unhealthy I was.
No one could make e stay in a recovery program untill I admitted to my self how unhealthy I was.
The most important words in a recovery is not who is right wrong bad good evil.
The most important words in a recovery is am I healthy or unhealthy.
The most important words in a recovery program is am I causing myself and other pains.
I am a non religious person yet I understand that my healthy conscience is based up on healthy spiritual values.
When I go against my conscience I not hurt my self but I also hurt other people.
Do I want to heal my pains today.
Do I want to reduce my fears today.
Do I want to be the healthiest person I can be today.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA dave of Beckenham
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