Trust

Hi

The answer to this is that if he is recovering properly he will not want your trust regarding money

He needs your love and understanding of certain issues but not your trust in this area

This is because the word trust is nothing really compared with an addiction which ruins and even kills people.

If he insists on money trust he is not recovering properly....why should you trust him if there has been a gambling issue and he is addicted. He should also come to understand that it is a drug addiction and he needs help

The trust can be in other areas of things he does well but you will need a new brand of tough love and support

It's a complex situation and you will also need some support or counselling.

So some trust is rebuilt but regarding a gambling addiction this is now a lifelong process of no complacency to protect both of you. 

It's for his protection from an illness. It's about an ill person trying to get better not a bad person trying to be good

If he sees the recovery light  He will start to understand this and not rail against you

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

I also agree with the OP here. Both of you need faith and trust. Because if there is a good understanding you can go a long way. But without this, you will not be able to see the light of hope. All the best!

Agree with the responses above. He needs to be grateful for your support which means not trusting him with anything related to finances. My partner was also defensive in the early phase of his abstinence/recovery asking me questions like when will i ever trust him again etc. Fortunately, since attending GA regularly this defensive state of mind evolved into gratitude. I am quite certain this was a result of his interactions with the other GA fellows. He now tells me he’s grateful for all the support i give him to keep him in recovery, and this includes not trusting him with anything money related. 

I suggest speaking with your partner , reminding him that you also need to recover from the trauma you went through as a result of his gambling addiction. And for your mental health, you need assurance that he is not gambling. This could be access to his credit report, banking etc. He needs to give this to you not just for his recovery but for yours as well.

Hi ,

For a CG there is no semi- control of our finances. We're addicts who don't need trust, accountability is the only way forward. True recovery is about spitting it all out, telling someone close you can't help yourself whilst having money to gamble. It ain't humiliating it's liberating for the CG. As someone on the forum often says tough love is necessary.

I feel I'm not the victim of accountability, but the beneficiary of accountability. Maybe some will disagree. I can only tell you what works for me. My wife has passwords to my banking so I can't be evasive, she has passwords to my Experian credit reports in case I should accept a kind & generous offer of a credit card or loan. It's a common flaw in recovering CGs, whilst we can't trust ourselves we expect others to trust us. Understand what you're dealing with & protect yourself & your own financial security.

Sincere Best Wishes

AL

Hi, 

If your intuition says that something is wrong, then it is.

Hi all so I’m struggle at the minute I’m a wife to a gambling addict. So I probably start with my story so me and my husband have been married 6 years nearly 7 and gambling has not always been a problem. In fact it probably started about 3 years  ago. When I found out how bad the situation had got he would promise me that it wouldn’t happen again, but it just kept continuing and the lies just kept coming. The most recent time being this year when he had gambled away all his money he would swore to me that this was the last time that he had really learnt his lesson. I know what you’re probably thinking why do I continue to believe this. Anyway after this most recent time we agreed that he wanted to work on trust and he wanted to rebuild the trust and the only way that this would happen would be for me to monitor his finances, we did this by agreeing that I would check his bank statements on a monthly basis to ensure that he wasn’t continuing to gamble. Anyway this happened and he still continued to put money on bingo sites although it was less, but it has now come to the point where he no longer wants me to see his statements and has basically said that he has stopped but my argument is that if he really had stopped would he not want to show the statements to prove it. Now he’s basically saying that I will drive him back to gambling, I’m controlling, I’m a bully. I just don't know what to do anymore he sees how much this hurts me he sees what this is doing to me but doesn’t seem to care.