Hi all
hoping someone could help with some advice.
ive broken up with my partner due to many years of gambling issues and lies.
he has told me that he is going to a rehab clinic... which is good news if it’s the truth!
but I don’t know how to tell our son who is 8.
his dad doesn’t live with us and regularly lets him down with seeing him but has anyone gone through the same?
do you blame it on work as he is already used to being let down or does an 8 year old even understand rehab and gambling and it’s just best to be honest when he is already subjected to lies?!
I don’t want to hide things but I also don’t want to be too honest with things he isn’t old enough to process.
appreciate any feedback anyone has had in the same situation
B x
@becca10 Through my own experience, honesty is the best policy, otherwise you get caught up in lying and there's probably already enough lies in your life already.
How honest I and my then wife were came down to their age and mental understanding. When my children were younger, younger than yours is now, and I was going to my GA meetings, we told them that I was poorly and that the meetings made me better. As they got older we were able to expand on this and start explaining why I was poorly and what gambling was. Hopefully this didn't worry them to much with me being poorly, but they were pleased that I was getting better. I was also gambling free at that time so it wasn't really much of a conversation.
In 2015 I had to go to court for gambling related crime and prison was on the cards. My kids were 9 and 11. I wanted to tell them some made up story about working away but my ex insisted on the honesty again. As hard as it was, and it was really upsetting for all of us, especially them, they were able to write to me without any of us having to lie or continue those lies. Even today, by being honest back then means I don't have to remember what was said or what I was supposed to do.
It has been difficult to write this and think did we/I do the right thing at the time, or did I inflict some unnecessary harm on them? I think my gambling and subsequent relapses probably did that anyway, and as I now subscribe to a recovery program, and honesty is an integral part of that, I think we/I did the right thing.
If your ex is going to a rehab clinic, and I hope that is true, they can have family days, so he'll be able to see him hopefully feeling better about himself.
I would be honest but frame it so that a young child can understand and not be worried. Daddy needs some help as he's unwell, and he's going to go to a place to get better. On days that he normally sees him do something fun and try to keep life as normal as possible.
I hope that helps.
Chris.
@becca10 I wondered if this was useful or how you got on?
Chris.
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