I have been with my partner for almost 4 years now and no matter what measures are in place, he always seems to find a way to gamble.
His most recent way was making small bets on football accas and spending the winnings on roulette. He doesn’t see this as a problem as it was his ‘winnings’.
This time is different, I’ve lost all respect for him and there is nothing more I can do and by that I don’t mean financially (I learnt that two years ago). In the past I have always been supportive and understanding but the lies are becoming too much, to the point where he will end up losing me.
I’ve booked in for my first counselling session to get the support I need but will he ever hit rock bottom? I thought he had but it seems this relationship is slowly slipping away and I am heartbroken.
Hi whip94 it's so hard to give real advice because not many really want to hear it. You see him as having the problem. You don't see you having a problem. You've known about the gambling but not sought real life help. Addicts have many ways and means of manipulation. If you don't learn how to deal with them it becomes a perpetual cycle. You continue in same vane. Not giving money is the first thing but there are many other ways to deal with an active gambler. You have to change your reaction. You have to let go. You have to recover. It doesn't mean the end of a relationship. It means looking after you, not being drawn in, not accepting that behaviour as normal. It's very difficult as everyone is different. Everyone at a different stage, willing to accept things that others won't. Understanding addiction if you want to, some disagree, may help you. As you say he hasn't hit rock bottom yet, whatever that may be. He's at the justifying stage, it's ok to do this. There is no consequence. He sees it as ok because he's using winnings. He doesn't see he never wins. He wants the 'feeling'. The security of gambling is very difficult to give up. It's habit, a comfort in stressful times, a 'go to'. Unfortunately it normally leads to more gambling, more debt, more stress. All these things are choices, as is yours to continue, to be understanding. Why is now different? He's just repeating behaviour that you have accepted. You can't stop him. What you can do is stop you accepting, being understanding, seek help. Counselling is a start.
Thank you for your advice, I take it all on board.
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