Hi
I am new to this but my wife has had a gambling problem for a long time but I've tried restricting her money, banning gambling sites etc but she always manages to find a way to play online bingo.
She has spent thousands of pounds recently and it only seems to get worse despite all my efforts to stop her and now i don't trust her at all. She is also paid cash and I believe that a lot of that is going to gambling but can't be certain of it.
She admits that she has a problem but has had many opportunities to do something about it but never seems to. She has health issues and i think she does it to escape boredom and a release from thinking about her pain.
Is there anything i can do. It is difficult to help as we work different shifts as well so she is alone quite a lot. She does say she wants to stop and is trying but i've heard it all before.
I'm just running out of patience and feel a bit clueless now.
Hi Chris, welcome to the Forum,
You have to ask her what the endgame is my friend; no-one can afford to lose thousands of pounds to gambling, and no-one can ignore a problem that is threatening to bring you both down financially.
She has to be practical if nothing else - you need to ensure you have a safe, secure future and this is starting to be seriously jeopardised. If she continues to bury her head in the sand and carries on regardless, then it won't be long before the damage is significant and possibly beyond repair.
If she is trying to stop, then she has a responsibility to prove it to you - empty words are not enough when things are at this level. Work with her, say you will attend GA meetings with her, say you will help her plan a way forward, tell her that you want to believe her, you want to think that she can do this but you now need to see some evidence.
Her medical conditions obviously have an effect and probably bring her down as you say, but there are other more positive, constructive options for her to have an outlet for the constraints of her physical issues; gambling is only a temporary diversion and one that will only serve to drive her down further in the long run, physically and mentally; even if she was spending only pennies, it is not a healthy, constructive way to spend your time and make yourself better.
As I said, try working with her my friend - restricting and banning things are only preventative methods; it doesn't actually solve anything and probably makes her more determined to gamble. Plan a way forward together, plan a way where you can work at it and plan her progress.
There is only so much you can do if she doesn't want to help herself my friend - don't feel clueless, don't blame yourself; you are trying, you are putting everything you have into this, and now it is her responsibility to start making real progress.
If she doesn't try, then you have to consider where this will lead to, and where your relationship is headed. Neither of you want to part, but practically speaking, things have to change,a nd they have to change very quickly.
JamesP
Hi James and thank you for your advice and comments.
I have told her to make a plan by the end of the weekend and there needs to be some follow through and I plan on working with her through it.
I found your insight very useful and thank you for that.
I have also found it useful to read some other threads in the forum as well and have my own plans but realise she must act first.
Thanks again
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