Wish my husband would.......

My experience is that the world doesn't immediately turn rosy when the gambling stops. It's better than haemorrhaging money out of the household but abstinence is only the first stage of returning to a normal life, (whatever that consists of).

Despite the continuing post-gambling difficulties, I've stayed, I'd love to think that it was in order to do my duty to the children or some such noble cause but it has been pointed out to me in no uncertain terms that it is my choice to stay and I am responsible for my own choices. Possibly I've drifted into it rather than making a positive choice, possibly I'm comfortable with the familiar and wary of the unknown but whether it's a choice made for the right reasons or not, it's still my choice. The alternative is an option which I could take but choose not to take.

We f&f often have very high tolerance levels, too high, and this is something we discuss at meetings and in counselling. It doesn't help anybody to keep on accepting the unacceptable. We also learn how to detach from the gambler and move the focus over to ourselves so that we can lead happier lives for ourselves, instead of allowing our state of mind to be determined by what someone else is doing. For these reasons, I'd recommend both GamAnon and counselling. It's only when you get support and accurate information that you are best placed to make any decisions but the starting point is to make sure that you take the help that's out there for you. Because if you don't, who will?

CW

Thanks Cw , there isn't any gamanon meetings near me and I can't get to counselling but I hope to try and arrange online counselling once kids are not around. I have used netline. I used to just ignore the gambling almost block it out before but I did suffer bad with pnd after each child.I think because he had a spell gamble free last year I want it all the time . When he is at home I am reluctant to go out and do things incase he sits online gambling but he does it when I am in bed anyway so what's the point.Maybe I am avoiding people in case I let something slip one day .

Hi, Letdown,

GamAnon have limited on line facilities that you could also look into, you might be able to source their literature. Counselling is offered in almost all areas, surely there's something available to you?

I wouldn't recommend staying in or standing over him in a bid to prevent him gambling. As you are finding out, there is absolutely nothing that you can do or say to prevent the gambling. Largely because he, not you, is the person placing the bets and therefore he, not you, is the only person who can refrain from placing the bets.

Sorry to sound harsh but the reality is that you will wait indefinitely for him to change and it's not healthy for you or the kids to have your life totally dependent on what he's doing and whether or not he's using. That's why it's better to move the focus on to you so that when you're ready, you can take measures to change you and to change your situation. For which you need help and support but the onus is on you to take or accept the help and support. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

You don't have to live this way. Look after you.

CW

Thanks Cw ,yes you are right it doesn't matter if I am there or not if he wants to gamble he will .Nearest gamcare for me is about 70 miles away . I will look into some of their literature.It may help me understand things.

Hi Letdown. Due to health reasons I couldn't commit to face to face support on a regular basis and Gamcare found a counsellor to suit my situation. I had an excellent counsellor who was very accommodating and if I wasn't able to attend face to face it simply went to phone call .Give Gamcare a call they will do their best to find you the support you need.