Hello Everyone,
Long time visitor to the Gamcare site (first time viewer and poster on the forum). My names Gareth I'm 39 and want to resolve my issues with gambling.
I have always had an addictive personality, I still drink too much, I stay away from drugs because the few times I have tried varying substances I like them too much, and I have never had a serious issue with gambling till 2/3 years ago.
I have only been into a bookies about 5 times in my life, most of my gambling has been done online. I used to like the odd punt on the horses, small accas on football, poker for a while (10 years ago), the occasional trip to the casino, but never anything too hardcore. I used to limit what I spent to what I could afford and as the adverts say I Gambled Responsibly. I looked into a few horse racing systems made a couple of bob nothing life changing, then moved onto matched betting systems that promised risk free/low risk action if you followed the rules. Including in these were online slot promos and casino offers.
You can guess what happened next, as well as being the sort of person who would get addicted to Vicks if I have rubbed it on my chest more than once, I am also incapable of following rules. The slots became the go to source of fun and my chance to win big and screw the "safer and slower realms" of matched betting. In fact they are the only thing I now gamble on! 3 years down the line, I am now hiding the state of my finances on a monthly/weekly/daily basis, borrowing money off my family and girlfriend, and after being up till 2am this morning spending my Personal Independence Payment (which was paid at 12am today) to try to recoup the losses from my wages which were paid into my bank on Friday enough is enough.
I am going to speak to my parents today (for the support) and also try to break the news to my very supportive lass that I have again been gambling. My only issue is that the girlfriend helped me out of a situation where I admitted I had been gambling a year ago, and my big worry is that she is going to leave me after dealing with my issues last year and who can blame her!.
As always I had a justification in my head why I was sitting waiting up through late evening Thursday for my wages to hit Friday morning why I was spending money (the girlfriends clutch as blown we need money to pay for it), then on Saturday and Sunday it was chasing the money I lost Friday and now I can't pay the outgoing direct debits. Spent the last £130 in my account on Sunday and won an extra £140. So thought I could make this happen again last night/this morning to further cut my losses back from the £520 mark (the cost of a months rent) where they stood with the win detailed above. 10 mins in £87 quid down, 12 mins in £90 quid up, 15mins withdrew £150, 17 mins in I lost the £30 I had left in my balance cancelled the withdrawal then over the next hour lost it all again.
Woke up this morning after another night of little sleep, sick of feeling the gnawing dread inside of me a continual feeling and decided I need to do something. I keep putting it off, keep telling myself I can stop but I can't - I need to act to resolve this impulse. I want to take action, I know that the justification I had in my own head is an evil seed, I didn't wait up to try to win cash to pay a bill (a bloody awful idea in itself - with careful budgeting we would be alright), I did it because I wanted the buzz, the chance to win big and most of all because I have a problem which I am struggling nay failing to control at the moment.
I know the gambling is affecting my mental, health, my physical health and damaging the relationships I have with those I love. I am clever enough to know it is an insidious seed, the quickening step of my heartbeat when I see an advert for a slot site is ridiculous. Yet I justify it to myself, the big win is round the corner its coming I can feel it, and again I know its garbage I know I’m feeding an emptiness in myself rather than looking for an answer elsewhere, and I know it is an hunger that’s never going to be fulfilled.
I will post how I get on and hopefully over the next few days and weeks, will investigate the forum and contribute in more detail.
Thanks for reading
Gareth
Hi Gareth
I read your post with interest, not simply because it is well written, but because it reflects where I was just over 4 years ago. I never considered myself an addict when I was gambling, but looking back there is no other explanation for my behaviour. You are also spot on with regards to the neglect and deterioration of both mental and physical health.
Identifying and treating my gambling problem as an addiction helped me devise strategies to overcome it. I had to commit to a lot of soul-searching and being honest with myself and with others before I could begin the gradual process of change required to release the real me. I had spent too long escaping life's problems and suppressing my emotions through an activity that was eating away at my life force. Thankfully I proved myself stronger than my addiction, but at times it was very much in the balance and if the scales had tipped the other way I believe that I would not have lived to tell the tale.
Well done for taking the first steps: you have admitted that you have a problem and have determined to do something about it. The next practical step is to put safeguards in place to help you achieve your goals. I suggest that you immediately install blocking software on your computer and other devices. K9 is free, but may not be suitable for android phones. Check out the Blocking Software page on this site for more details. I made the mistake of putting this off for far too long and suffered many relapses because of it. I would not have survived this time without the safety net that I had previously convinced myself that I didn't need. Will power on its own is not enough, because we all have bad days, even when we are not gambling and that is when we are vulnerable.
Of course, I no longer need those safeguards as I have beaten my addiction, but they were essential to my success. At the stage you are at Gareth, you need to do whatever it takes to get from one day to the next and in time you will be able to honestly evaluate where you are at and how to keep progressing.
There are some very good, (and bad), support groups out there. The good ones are priceless and hopefully you have a good one nearby. Maybe try one out and if you don't like it look for another one. There are GA and SMART Recovery groups throughout the UK. Let me know which part of the country you are in and I might be able to advise you.
With the use of good strategies, the right attitude and the support of others you can beat this and enjoy a life more rewarding and fullfilling than you can imagine. I promise you it won't be easy, but it will be worth every little, (and big), struggle along the way.
Take care my friend.
Ken
I’m new on the site but I’m 4 days gambling free. I no it’s not a lot but just keep plodding on and we will all get there in the end
Yes, the slots got me also. I have recently taken to signing up if I see a new site advertised on tv and then immediately excluding for 5 year period, in the hope of when I have a moment of weakness I have no sites left to join. It's ridiculous in that I can be doing a different task but my ears pick up to newly named sites. I can't leave that option to myself. What is hard is losing the illusion of a big win especially when fianances look so poor. In time I guess they will improve
Hi Gareth, slots are my weakness as well. I haven’t bet since 4 October but its still early days.
Unfortunately I realised my problem a little too late. I am now separated from my husband and have had to move out and leave my cat (she has cancer and needs weekly trips to the vet which I can not provide on my own as I dont drive) and although he says he wants to seek counselling individually and relate counselling as a couple, I am not sure if we can salvage our marriage.
I have been to a GA meeting and am awaiting my first ARA counselling session to talk through the underlying problems which I believe has led me down this horrible gambling path. I am at the beginning of my journey to a gamble free life and I will beat it.
It is very important to get support from family. My family have been amazing for me at this dark time and I have found that this helps tremendously. I hope you get the help you need to fight your demons and take back your life. You are a worthwhile person and deserve to live a happy, gamble free life with your loved ones. Let me know how you get on, good luck.
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