Hi I’ve been reading the stories on here a while and now posting first time. Its good to know there are people that understand the whole thing. Having started playing online slots about 5 years ago introduced to it by my fruit machine addict ex ... racked up a load of debt after one big win first time playing! What was I thinking ..have been doing it on and off since but mostly off.. not really accumulating any more debts until this year when stupidly started online sports betting. Still have lots of debts to pay off about 10-12k down from 18k ish been with stepchange for 2 years. Told my partner about 2 months ago and he said that was it if I ever did it again but all came to a head last weekend when I spent the money needed to pay a joint bill which I have never done before, so had to tell my partner and after a horrific weekend where was sat sobbing and cutting my arms my partner now gave me another chance and is going to start having all my wages I have left after paying everything and will get me anything I need. So I will never have access to anything. Really don’t want to let him down as he has pointed out this is my last chance so I don’t want to ruin it as he is amazing. Received an unexpected refund cheque which is due to clear tomorrow and I told him about it so I think he does trust me a bit more as I could have just not told him and spent that.
Always felt like there is something missing in me but I will have to look for that elsewhere as I am never gambling again and that is 100%.
It it has nearly killed me
X
Hi Unicorntears,
Well done on posting here, the first step to get help is admitting we have a problem. Gambling can be a great form of escapisim for us compulsive gamblers, when I was stressed would be the times I gambled recklessly (which ironically created even more stress). The fact you say your were "cutting my arms" would set off alarm bells for me though. Im no therapist but I beleive self harm can be a sign of past abuse or trauma. Contact Gamcare as they can arrange free one on one councilling sessions for you. ALso get to your local GA meeting (find locations on gamblers anonymous site), there you will meet fellow compulsive gamblers and you will be part of a 12 step recovery program that has helped so many people recover from their addcitions.
Its not an easy path, recovery, but it is worth it. If you work hard at, stop the lies to yourself and your partner you will be able to turn your life around for the better.
I wish you well
Hello Unicorntears,
Welcome to the forum and well done for posting your introduction.
Many of our forum members who are stopping online gambling, have posted about self-excluding from all of their gambling accounts. You can read more about self-exclusion here: http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/self-exclusion
You might also want to protect yourself from joining other gambling sites, for example by installing software on your laptop that blocks you from opening gambling website pages when you are searching the internet, or by allowing someone to install parental controls on your smartphone that places restrictions on your ability to download apps for gambling. There is more information about blocking software here: http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/blocking-software#.VCA52fldXww
In your post you mention cutting your arms last weekend, and that your gambling problem 'Nearly killed' you. Please obtain medical attention for any injuries, and talk with your GP about local NHS support to help you manage your feelings and any impulses you may experience to self-harm. Here is an NHS webpage about self-harm: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/self-injury/Pages/Introduction.aspx and here is another NHS webpage about ways to get help: https://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Self-injury/Pages/Treatment.aspx
The Samaritans freephone helpline 116 123 is available 24 hours a day, if you'd like someone to listen to you talk about how you're feeling; some people find that expressing their thoughts and feelings in words to an attentive listener can reduce the intensity of their distress. You can see more about the Samaritans here: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us
Please do feel welcome to call us on our freephone 0808 8020 133. On the National Gambling Helpline, you can talk with our advisers about your gambling problem, and we can give you details of free sources of local counselling, to support your recovery from your gambling problem. We can also look to see what other types of support might be useful for you.
Take care,
Forum admin.
Hi
Thanks for replies I have self excluded already and I can’t download any apps as I got my bf to change my iTunes password and set my phone to always ask for password when downloading apps, and I don’t know what it is so I can’t download any betting apps! I don’t have a laptop so that was the only way I did it through apps.
I don’t go in betting shops never been my thing and never would.
Yes I was cutting/scratching my arms once when I was at rock bottom and I was telling my bf i need help and there were a lot of things that led up to that but never done it before, but yes I have always had a little of depression type feelings And i think there are many things I could talk through with someone it’s just getting the courage to go in and ask As my doctors can be quite judgemental.
Suicidal feelings obviously have come from losing money and the shame etc and not telling anyone for ages just doing things to hide it and I’m sure other people on here have done things they are not proud of, there are times I could have and have wanted to walk out in front of a car rather than admit it but I wouldn’t do it to my family. My parents have bailed me out once although they got that all back from me . I won’t tell them it’s happened again as it would kill my mom as we’ve got a lot going on in our family already including my sister going through a similar situation although not gambling also money related, so I can’t do it to her as she’s already at her max level stress and not very good at coping with things, so just going to work through it with my bf help financially and to keep me strong. Talking through past and other feelings yes I’ll need a professional help which I will sort.
But I know my bf will help pull me through and I have no intention whatsoever of gambling again. I never even think of doing it now just associate it with pain and suffering. Think I have realised what I have done cannot continue as I now go through the days without even thinking about it or trying to get money to do it as I was every day before. As my bf said to me why are you throwing your money (and our future) away to make rich people even richer.
Hi Unicorntears - just to say that I hope things are still improving for you. You've got some great blocks in place and support from your bf.
Blocking yourself from iTunes is a great step - although I've not had the guts to do this yet but it's something I should seriously consider.
Your bf is right - we are throwing our money away to make rich people even richer, while we end up wasting our lives with all sorts of baggage and negativity.
Hope today is a good day for you.
Thanks for reply ... I’m actually glad I can’t download any apps it’s a massive relief to not feel scared and desperate wondering how I’m gonna pay this bill that bill, buy food or have to make up an excuse when my boyfriend texts ‘can you pick up some milk’ and I’m like no ! I can’t I’ve got no money what do I say ! At least now he knows and he’ll know why I have no money cos he’ll have it all ! I know he’ll get me what I need and I won’t be able to go online and deposit deposit deposit all day.... £25, £5, £10, £15 just another £5 and again again it’s crazy how it all adds up. When I think of all the things I could have bought .. things I need ! New glasses, coat, boots clothes !! Can’t do that now for a long time and that’s something I have to accept now and move on NO regrets because what’s the point in wasting more time xx
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