2o years ive been gambling since i was 14, it all started with fruit machines. Meeting a lad that taught me emptys and software tricks made me take it up for a living for 3 years. Made 1000 a week of fruit machines was very comfatable only 19 years old with loads of money i thought nothing could go wrong how wrong was i.
I got bored of my day to day machine runs found myself making my money quicker and finishing earlier it was a job to me. As soon as i finished i started going in to the book makers, playing roulette and betting on horses. It only took about 6 months for me to lose all my money and i was back to square one.
I couldnt carry on playing machines the software was changing less money was being made and more people started doing it so it wasnt as profitable. My dad told me i had to get a job with him in construction as i couldnt carry on so i did. I took the trade up found i was good at it and there was quite a bit on money to be made. I played my machines in the nights and it topped my early wage up that wasnt alot..... Along came online poker!!
I started playing online poker when i was 19-20 i found that i was quite good at it. I was making money, thats the worst bit for a addicted gambler. i was doing ok making money faster than i could at work so i started staying home, worst thing i could of done. I was playing no limit cash games my blinds were small at the start but i kept raising them week by week as my bank roll grew. Soon i had a lot of money in the bank and in my bank roll and i thought i was invincible. i was putting on a lot of weight because i was just sat for 18 hours a day playing poker. I bought a house with my winnings and carried on.....then i got to greedy i was playing a lot of money on cash games i got destroyed in a month by it. i lost absolutely everything my home my girlfriend my car. it took about 60k from me in no longer than a month. Back to square one again.
So i went back to construction started again, still gambled but only small i was enjoying life as a young single lad. But i still had the devil on my shoulder. Ive lost count of how many times i got paid and spent the lot. some times in less than a hour. its sickening.Â
Fast forward to the last 8 years ive built a big constrution company very profitable. But im living a lie. I earn 6 figures more money than i have ever made gambling but i just cant stop. My stakes are huge now i lose a lot of money some days and go again the next. Ive racked up so my debt. Been bailed out a few times. But i cant stop. I need to for my own health and my familys. When i dont gamble i feel free, im sick of this im sick of chasing money and chasing that big win again. When really i have everything i need. Sorry for the long message i can imagine its not a easy read but theres more than that to it. But thats a insight to my gambling devil i carry on my shoulder that i can hopefully change in to a ange that keeps my away .Â
ThanksÂ
Hi,
Firstly, although you’ve been gambling all your adult life, you are still young, about 34 years old? So you can have a long gambling free life ahead to look forward to.Â
My gambling story is so different to yours as mine was short (over a 5 month period but  very sharp). No huge wins, just a trail of massive losses both financially and personally. However everyone here has one thing in common, all of us here understands how destructive gambling addiction is.Â
Well done for starting a new you!Â
Do your family know? Although awful telling people, once things are in the open I think it actually helps.
Are you able to use the Gamban site to block all the online sites? Â
Also GamCare are amazing and offer counselling 1-2 1 sessions. They really want to help you and offer incredible support.
All the very best wishes for you
Hi TFC and welcome to the forum.
Its good to pour it all out and you are among people her who understand how fast the addiction hooks people and changes the mind to one of an addict.
Its a drug addiction and long past being all about the money. It affects people from all walks of life at all earning levels.
Like me,you had the fix young...you liked it and now you have to learn how  your mind and body craves it just like substance addiction.
I do have a hard time when you mention upsides of inside knowledge or professional gambling. I have always said that its not an income scheme because a scheme has to be reliable. If you went to work and your boss said I might/ might not pay you on a throw of the dice you would quite rightly tell them to stuff it.
Did you cut the fruit machine lad in on the profits? Just saying because I met countless people who walked over to me with the hit the buttons in a secret code sequence or look through the gap at the full coin holder type nonsense. They always seemed to be rattling to gamble, bored or skint if you know what I mean. Maybe a manufacturers code could escape (who knows?) but If they had the golden answer they would keep it to themselves.
Anyway the machines aren't like that now and although softer in the past I doubt there were ways in for the punter
I wont give you an easy time on that because I want you to focus on the reality of gambling and where you are now. Talk it through with us
The power of the mind to delude you is immense and I used to rewrite history myself to ease my mind. My gambling was a fantasy world but I pretended for years that I was in a comfort zone with it.
Its a progressive illness and wants bigger fixes because you no longer get the hit from smaller risk levels of play.
Thats why its actually dangerous if you are earning more now because more is available to use as gambling tokens. Its actually worrying to me that you are a big earner who is not yet in full recovery.
Your life has been a rollercoaster and that is what gambling is. The problem for an addict is that your own mind is dominating and overriding your sensible thoughts. Its a mind control illness and you should now be worried enough to do something about it
I hope you will tell someone close because there is no shame in admitting it. You need help and someone should be controlling your finances for you
This is not about your ego as a grown adult. A gambling addiction kills people bankrupts people and all the horrors on the train ride to pure hell
It is a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other ...your mind is fighting itself
Let the sensible mind heal in recovery by taking the right steps based on trusted advice
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Hiya my friendÂ
I feel your pain and it's the buzz we all crave sometimes not even the money as I bet you've went out with more than you need sometimes with even more than you can win. You've done this for a lot off years and it's not going to be easy to stop especially when we have to stop ourselves everyday and night where the gambling industry only have to get us off guard that once. Well let's face it your not going to win and get a load off money from gambling your only going to lose more and you sound like you've got a good buisness that can weather the storm. If you stop gambling now could your buisness survive? If so can you put someone in charge off your finances and get some professional help? I'm not being nosey just trying to see if you can see the light at the end off the tunnel as life has gave us all this horrible addiction that is so hard to stop those urges especially if you have the finances at your reach. I know its very hard to understand if your not a gambler but we know how it grips you and frill chasing that big win always chasing that big win. I really hope your in a place where you can get yourself out but still have a plan that's not gambling to sort you and your buisness out. I only say as I went over a year without gambling but not so long ago I thought I'll have £10 on line on roulette what damage can that do? Well we all know the answer! Yes 1hr later nearly £8000 in debt that I never even had, well this week I've been so ashamed as I've had to get a food parcel from the church. I've been left with not a penny and I mean that never been in this position with gambling before I've always been able to sort it out someway somehow but to have no safety blanket. My heads in the bin at moment but just take it one day at a time who knows if I need to move to a house off my own just know gambling has cost me financially, emotionally, and now it could be my family but people say pull yourself together you can just stop if only it was that easy. Good luck in sorting this out my friendÂ
Youre obviously clever and found ways to succeed without gambling and with gambling. I think u do have a problem as when you were earning lots and had enough to live on thru gambling u still seeked the thrill of bookies roulette and horses. So indeed its time to stop. Keep on with the construction and seek a new lifestyle its actually really pleasant without gambling albeit theres no thrill but theres no sickening feeling of after you lose that last bit of money and walk home and take that week of depression to get thru it. All the best adam
Yes good luck @timeforchange1with whatever you decide to do . Like Adam said there is a pleasant feeling to just, bobbing along , I'm 10days GF today and enjoying and taking comfort in steadiness no highs and no self loathing self torturing lows than go on 10 times longer than the original high. Use us all here as help and make use of the professional help that is available
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