8 Days - Much improved but going crazy

Hello Sam,

Well done on your 8 days gambling-free.

We are available on our freephone 0808 8020 133 every day, 8am to midnight, if you need to talk about your recovery, or if you have questions about sources of support. In your post you say that you haven't been able to sleep and that you're going 'Crazy'; if you're finding things very challenging, how about also using some local support too? Some of our forum members see their GP if they are troubled with insomnia or other issues related to their psychological well-being.

You might also like to start a thread in the 'Recovery diaries' section on this forum.

Take care,

Forum admin.

Hi Sam

Well done on the 8 days, I cant sleep and I’m going crazy as well, thanks to our horrible addiction.

Take care

I will message you soon

Hi Sam

You have hit the nail there that it is a complex addiction and we do gamble to self destruct. With time and counselling I realised it was more a cry for help or shot in the vein than any real thoughts about winning money.

This may sound strange until people study the addiction but I was playing to lose because I was playing for the feelings of playing. The sure fire chemicals that my mind wanted was the feeling of playing. Its one of the most mixed up feelings thats hard to put a finger on especially when the addiction takes over

I could never have judged it was a winning game as I lost time and time again. The machines are deviously designed to take the money in a smoother curve than older machines but take our money they do. Any form of gambling plays on our need for dopamine and escape

Its crazy and I never thought I could get addicted like that to anything but my mind had control over me for forty years. I have a new respect for the power of the mind over all else.

Please pick up that phone and speak to a friend or speak to gamcare. If you are feeling lonely or depressed tell someone close. For me it was vicious circle of depression and gambling.I didnt think I was very depressed but deeper depression causes a numbness that we begin to think is feeling normal. I didnt see a way out or a way of earning the money I would have liked to earn. I think I always knew gambling wasnt the answer but it was my stress toy with any bad news or stressful feelings.

I saw no future so a large part of my gambling sessions were devil may care or self destruction. I wanted the machine to show love even for a fleeting moment if that sounds daft...love and hate...give me emotions because the grey street outside isnt giving me any

Gambling was some hit to take me anywhere above numb. I should have been asking someone out making new friends or going somewhere worthwhile. I didnt and a sought what was easy to do for escape. Its just like a drug addiction in that the hit is escape with all the risk to the body and needing the next fix. The instant escape cares not for the future afterwards

Its very difficult to describe because it doesnt make sense in any rational way...I was living my life through a machine while ignoring all the real odds. Playing the the near misses and cheating feelings programmed into the machine. The power of reels or other forms of gambling to put us into a trance is something that the psychologists understand.

Its deep Sam and you can spend some time coming to terms with it. Please do get some counselling because what have you got to lose with a reality check or check up. We do have to search our souls as part of the recovery process

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Very well said Joydivider...I can identify with all that you have written. Gamblling has very little to do with money...it all goes alot deeper.It like a coping mechanism for depression.Thanks for your post.