Hi
I am here again. I don't feel sad or angry I am just so disappointed in myself and I think this is worse.
I cant believe I have allowed myself to get here again but again I know why as I am an addict and I have relasped.
I stupidly thought I had control of it and the bets got bigger then in turn the losses got bigger. Consequently the debts start to build up.
I am still at a point where I can manage and pay it off and that is why I need to stop again today. I need to get through this.
Through the counciling I had I understand the demons, I get the link to my anxiety and I am aware of what I need to do to stop. But this is the crazy thing in the moment none of that matters. I am sure I don't need to tell anyone of the pull, of the time I am in the moment and my problems disappear for those few moments. I don't need to pretend I don't understand because I do. Which somehow is worse. I know all this stuff and yet I still press deposit deposit deposit.
I have spoken to my husband so he is aware of this again. I talk to him and he understandingly gets annoyed at the money. But he is more concerned about my mental health and helping me get through this again. That is a big help I can tell you and I know I am very lucky to have the support network.
I am trying to remember what it felt like to not be addicted to gambling and I can't .
So here I am saying hi. I hope I can share this hard journey with some of you and we can help each other get through.
Hi Mindy, how have you been doing since you wrote this post?
Mindy have you tried GA, one good thing about those meetings is your talking adn listening to other Compulsive gamblers. It can help you open up and be totally honest and honesty is the real key to stopping gambling and changing our behaviour.
If anxiety is one of your triggers I know meditation is a good way at tackling this, all the things we need take time so be patient as there are no instant fixes, we as complusive gamblers live in a fantasy bubble thinking we can solve eveything if only we could get that big win, that instant fix. The real world is much differnt as we know, the good things take time, hard work and dedication. But we can have them if we are willing to put in the effort.
Hi Mindy,
Please don't be hard on yourself. There is concrete evidence that people who stop gamling for good, have relapsed many times in the past. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.........and NEVER stop trying! There are thousands and thousands of compulsive gamblers who have stopped and so can you, believe my friend. There's a wonderful life out there free from gambling!
Make it your goal in life to stop gambling, it is so possible and your life will be so much better for it.
Hi Mindy
88 days GF today until i contacted Gamcare never gone 1 day in 20 years GF. Im 63 now first game of cards for money aged 14 progressed through the ranks bookies then 2006 online obsession started. Reach out to those that are reaching out to you mate refuse NOTHING exclusion counselling talk to others on chatline. If i can do it you can. Recovery aint an easy journey but it is a worthwhile one..Golden rule ANTHING in this world thats worth having doesnt come easy.
God Bless and be strong.
AL
keep strong & calm
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