Can't stop until I get my money back

Hi Blueteam (who I hope, but doubt, is the mighty Southend Utd)

Two things are certain, if you continue to gamble you WILL end up in debt (and once you're there it's impossible to get out until you stop gambling). Also, you will NEVER get your money back, it's gone and you need to write it off. Let's face it, best case scenario, you get a big will and make back the £800...would you stop? (I know I wouldn't have done as I'd have been looking for a win to put me in profit). It's a little cliched but it's so true that "We can't win because we can't stop".

Well done for identifying the problem before you got into debt, this will take one of the main challenges of recovery away (but you have to stop now). Close your online accounts and self-exclude from the bookies. I'm in the early stages myself so please take my advice as encouragement rather than preaching.

Good luck and one last thing, you will be amazed how much more you will enjoy watching football when you're not frantically checking other results every 2 minutes!

Stay strong mate and keep posting 🙂

Phil

Thanks Cheers for the post Phil. And it's Everton I'm afraid lol.

Thanks for the advise there Phil, your completely right, I need do need to take them steps. Duno what is wrong with my head but I'm finding it really hard to right it off this time around. I haven't really been going bookies all online ATM, mainly is. Maybe sell my iPhone and get a basic phone which may help. I get paid tomorrow and really not looking forward to it, I'm saying to myself u win it back and never gamble again. The amount of times I have said this. And in regards to enjoying football matches, all I think now is oh I could of won that, and it's getting bludy out of hand because I'm even looking at how many corners and cards are in matchs. And when not betting on that I'm like oh I would of easily got that. If u get what I mean my head is completely ruined.

Could have been worse...Could have been Chelsea! lol

My addiction is very different but the thought process is still the same. I was/am addicted to fruit machines and FOBTs (never had a problem with sports betting...£10 on a Saturday was my limit but think nothing of putting £100's in machines). The idea of 'going out on a high' and quitting with a win is flawed because (a) You might not win and therefore need to lose more to get a win and cover the previous loss and (b) That win will spur you on to bet more...I know, I've been there.

Try and get some blocking software for your phone as that will stop you from having to change phones/numbers etc. I'm sure someone on here can advise.

As for enjoying the football, even with my small stakes, I know it can have an impact. I find myself in the pub and I'm concentrating more on Jeff Stelling and the boys than on the people I'm with OR I'm out with the missus and she's in mood because I'm always checking my phone (probably thinks I'm having an affair!). This is the other impact it can have. I was always that boring b*****d of the group that would take his pint and disappear off to play the fruits on a night out, and I'm sure the same can be said for any form of gambling that causes a distraction, eventually people can't be bothered to invite you out.

Keep the diary upto date mate as I'd like to see you, and everyone on here, beat this...you can!

P

Hi Blueteam

As Phil83 said you have to write off the money you have already lost you won't get it back. From my experiences I wish I was in your boat right now ( I've been booted out) as I would be telling my wife and even giving her control of my cards knowing I was getting paid tomorrow as I know I would be gambling in your situation ! Like most gamblers stakes start small and get bigger along with the compulsiveness to gamble again and again. You are at the early stage but have a chance to come clean before its gets worse and believe me it does.

All the Best

Darren

Thanks phil and Darren for your responses, really appriecatie them. All forms of gambling we all end up having the same feeling. It was this time last week I lost big and went to play football in the evening, at one point I didn't want the football practice to end as I would know what I lost and how horrible I felt prior to playing football. Also had a big accumulator on which I knew I obv lost but too scared too look as if I knew I had lost I would put more on. Sometimes all that triggers my betting is a simple £5 then leads to £500 and so on. I want to just say I will stop but I doubt I will. Already eying up the fixture for tomorrow. I can stop online casino and just replace it with sports betting. Which really I shouldn't be doing. I have stopped before because I had broke even at one point. But I started again and stopped on a loss. And now started again....just a never ending situation. I have been there and ended putting £100s in roulette machines in bookies, done it at casinos and online, and honestly I don't even know what I'm doing half the time and just burning cash. Going work this morning feeling proper guilty as u see all the hardworking people out there working day and night to make money. While I'm sitting here looking at wasting more money. The thing is I know what I'm doing is wrong and stopping now will help me losing more money. But realistically I doubt I'm gona stop yet.....could go till the weekend but will randomly start. I might transfer all my money to Mrs after bills, but don't want to miss opportunity of a bet which sounds f****g awful. Head is all over the place.

It's so true tho if you were given that first £1 you lost right at the beginning of the gambling journey ,you would stop gambling for good. I rather wish I never ever put that £1 on, because once u started gambling especially for people like me who get addicted it's all down hill.

Then if I'm thinking like that then why don't I just stop and stop chasing my losses as it won't make a difference. It's something in our heads, honestly my head is gone not good. I have the answers in my head but can't think straight to make any sense. If you guys get what I mean...

Morning,

Ok, there's the logical response: You can't have your cake and eat it? Your cake/money has gone, you've spent it on the gambling experience and it's not yours any more. You've had your gambling experience and the money now belongs to the bookies.

Logic isn't going to help much, though. The addiction turns everything round, you have the compulsion to bet so you look for a good reason and getting "your" money back seems like a good reason. Except that it's not your money because you've spent it on the gambling experience. It's all false, spending your money on gambling has caused the financial problem and spending more money on gambling will make it worse.

As you said, the problem is the addiction itself. You don't have to act on the corrupted logic if you want to stop the misery of gambling. There's a lot you can do to help yourself, if that's what you choose to do. The detail is posted elsewhere but it amounts to counselling, GA, blocks and barriers (without loopholes) and telling your family. Daunting, but it's what will change things.

And wanting to go it alone? The difference between "well" and "ill" is the difference between we and I. Addiction is a problem with "l" and it doesn't work to use your own problematic "l" to fix your problematic "l". It takes "we" ie the input of other people such as your family, counsellor, fellow GA members. And long term, "we" can do together what "I" can't do alone. But it all starts with your own choices.

Wish you well,

CW

Hi blueteam.

Welcome to the forum

You havent been thinking straight because you have been and still are in the grip of a full blown addiction. You have shown a compulsive addiction so you need a born again moment when you gain the strength to let this go. Its not for you and life is much better without it

They have been pushing these accumulators because its big money for them. They arent ignoring the odds because they set them and nobody is offering a life changing accumulator based on matches like Manchester United vs the Grannies 11. You know all this really

One guy had this so bad that he was betting on Saudi Arabian teams on Christmas day. Thats the way the addiction heads before it spirals into debt homelessness, divorce, bankruptcy and the utter devastation it has in store

Take deep breaths and you need to tell your close family that gambling got to you you need help self excluding and controlling your finances. That stops it I can assure you but the thing is you will feel better like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders.

I put it to you that youre not really enjoying the football because you are wrapped up in the desperate butterfly feeling in the torso. Its more like a grim determination that your next pick will be the one and its more like a cold sweat than anything like fun.

You need to stop and you need a born again moment of realisng that addiction is an illness and you are going to make it history with the strong action you take

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Hi (again) Blueteam,

I totally understood the story about football practice. I have been there, wanting to keep my mind occupired so I don't need to face the reality of my loss. As gamblers, we do that by gambling as well ("I don't want to think about the £100 loss right now" so you end up throwing good money after bad, not with a view to getting it back, but in order to blank out the net result for as long as possible)

Apart from that, I can't really add to what Joydivider said but wanted to wish you all the best and hoping you are still GF.

Keep posting and hope you have a good, gamble-free day.

Phil

P.S - There is a lot of advice on here and some of it is invaluable in helping your recovery. Not everything works for everyone though so don't feel bad if you don't agree with some of it as every recovery is different.

Hi blueteam,

I'm new to the forum too, and reading your subject line am in a similar mindset as you ...I.e need to get my money back that have lost. I too feel guilty when my wife thinks about spending a small amount of cash on herself but doesn't as she wants to save while I can go out and lose 1k within a matter of hours.

Anyway, I've now come to terms with that I will never see the money lost again and urge you to do the same. I've also come to the realisation that even if I was to somehow win big and get the money back all I'm going to do is lose it again and start feeling like this again. You need to let go, winning big or getting you money back Is not the answer...and you need to tell yourself that everyday.

A couple of things I'm now trying is when I feel like I want to gamble and tell myself £50 won't be bad, I add a zero and the end of it and think about losing that much and how I would feel. Then I go and either put that amount into a notice bank account or give it to the misses as a "treat"...if she spends it on herself, great, if she saves it even more better...but aleast I know that money has done something better than what I was going to do with it.

Hope that gives you some ideas

Hi all,

Been off this for a while but still reading people's stories. As u know when your gambling you lose contact with people hence no posting as started gambling. Been close very close to big wins which has kept me going on gambling. Have been gambling nearly everyday, and attended my first ga meeting last night. Put a bet on before I went to the place, took me over an hour to find, didn't give up tho kept trying to find it in the darkness. Found it eventually and Was ok. Actually talking about it face to face to people wasn't bad. Going to try my best to keep going, it is an hour away. Also another one coming up on Friday but in a different town around 50 mins away. My first day hopefully not gambling feeling very low.

Sorry to ramble on, thanks for your time

Toffees

Hi blue team, well done getting to GA, I know I find it supportive. Have you got blocks in place? No access to cash/cards? You need them initially, or the urges will get you. Love the 'been close very close to big wins'.....surely there are only two outcomes, win or lose, and you have been losing, cos that is what us compulsive gamblers do.....cos even when we have a win, we just bet again and lose. The odds are against us. You can stop. Your life will be better for doing so.

Hi Rhoda,

Your right we will never win, I am still feeling I will win my money back and stop I know this won't happen. It's really frustrating, I know I'm not getting my money back just can't get it out my head and count it as a loss and move on. I'm in the process of selling my car not because I can't afford it anymore just need smaller car for Mrs, but I will be getting some money soon and want to transfer it all to my Mrs account but like I have that feeling I can win cash back. I want to stop, like you said need no access to money and cards etc. Don't think I can come clean to Mrs as she will be mad.