checking in again

Hi Heisenberg,

Welcome back to the forum. That's great that you're posting again, and that you've excluded yourself from your main accounts? What else might you do differently this time, though? I'm sure you don't want to keep having these destructive relapses, and I don't want that for you either.

You say you "don't understand this business", but you wish you could. How about trying some individual counselling this time? That can often help people come to terms a bit more with why they gamble, and could help you learn how to manage your urges better and replace gambling with healthier behaviours. That's what's going to help you have a more sustainable recovery, ultimately. If you want to give that a shot, just get in touch with us. We've got partner agencies in many parts of the country that provide counselling at no cost, so you certainly wouldn't have a lot to lose by trying.

Also, don't forget about blocking software, like Betfilter or Gamblock. Those prevent any gambling sites from opening on your computer, and they're useful for those times when you're not feeling too strong and might look around for new sites to bet on.

If you ever want to speak to us about any of this, feel free to call us on either the Helpline (0808 8020 133) or the Netline.

Hope this helps,

Travis

Hi and welcome back to the good cause. I have not had a bet for 14 months now, but prior to that I had many times when I got so far before falling off the wagon. It is a learning process and each time I got up stronger than before. Eventually, I was able to seriously perceive a life without gambling. I regularly attend and contribute to my local GA group and when I look around the room, I see a truly eclectic group of people with a broad range of skills and expertise, I see ambition, pride and people determined to make the most of their lives. I see people who want to help themselves and to help others put the mistakes of the past behind them and become better people. Some of us may have done some pretty awful things while caught up in the throes of our addiction, but that does not define us a person. What defines us is what we do today and tomorrow and we all have the right to make mistakes. In my years I have come across some pretty frightful, obnoxious, dishonest, uncharitable and toxic people who have these traits as part of their inherent personality rather than as a by-product of something that started as a harmless pastime.

There is a short story by Anton Chekov called The Bet. I will give you a brief synopsis of it. After a discussion about which is more humane, the death penalty or life imprisonment, a rich banker makes a 2million rouble wager with a young lawyer that he cannot endure solitary confinement for 5 years. The impulsive young man says that not only will he give up his liberty for 5 years, but for 15. It is agreed that the lawyer can live out his sentence in one of the lodges in the grounds of the banker’s home and that he will have access to all the books and literature that he wished, but could not leave the lodge. During those 15 years the banker loses much of his wealth and decides on the final night of the bet that if he could somehow kill the lawyer and blame it on the watchman, he would not have to pay the 2million roubles and would save totally ruining himself. He sneaks down to the lodge, unlocks it for the first time in 15 years and finds the lawyer, old before his time and fast asleep. Just before he kills him he notices a note on the table in which the lawyer writes of his intention to leave the lodge 5 hours before the end of the bet. If he had not found that note we can be sure that the banker, who was a heavy gambler, would have killed the lawyer.

Why did the lawyer leave with only 5 hours to go? As I said, it is only a short story so if you don’t know already, you can find that out for yourself. It might take you a few minutes, but one thing that we have when not gambling is time.

I recently read this account of someone’s day and their thoughts.

I got paid today and by lunchtime, I had gambled 2500 of the 2800 in my account, loss after loss. I felt completely devastated as it was now 5 weeks till payday and all my plans had gone down the drain again. I couldn't be bothered to be at work and made an excuse to go home. Went back to the bookies with the remaining 300 and somehow I managed to get it all back. I promised I'd never do this to myself again for the 5 millionth time. I was completely grateful and so certain that I was a changed man and that this was never going to happen to me again.

Three hours later I'd gambled it all away again.

I am sure many, if not all, of us can relate to that story and I would like to indulge in a brief lesson in psychology.

Sigmund Freud talked about the Id and the Ego, I think of them as two different compartments of the brain. According to Freud, the Id is the instinctive unconscious aspect of human personality that seeks immediate gratification and clearly this Id is a bit of a troublemaker and is responsible for our urges to gamble even when we know that to do so will be harmful to us and others.

The Ego, on the other hand, is the conscious, rational part of personality, the nice guy, who tries to restrain and control the basic urges of the Id. Freud compared the Id to a wild horse and the Ego to a man riding the horse and attempting to control it. In the early stages of quitting gambling and at other vulnerable times we mustn’t let the primitive, instinctive part of our brain take over. The nice guy must keep his troublemaking companion under control. It is just like the cartoon with the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other. This is really how the brain works not just an abstract depiction.

I wish you well. The start of the journey is tough but the road gets easier and the destination is fantastic.

All the best, Ken

Great post Sunbeam I can surely relate to all you said especially th e story of the person who blows wages gets it back then blows all of it 3 hrs later! How many times i ve been there i dont know! Baffles me at times, I have periods of absistence for 5-6 months awlays resulting in relapse once my willpower faulters/finances get back to ok/boredom of work/life gets to much.

It is maddening, I lost 600 quid last month after calcuating how much i lost i thought right thats it im fisnished with this. Decided on my way home to get a bottle of vodka(another major issue) poured a few, then thought , ok times to hook up the ipad to a gambling site! I mean thats madness isnt it? a few hrs ago i was saying never again, and then back to gambling!

Luckily I couldnt play as ive self excluded from the all the sites i;'ve played and after a few hrs i just gave up

heisenberg i think all we complusive gamblers are the same. I dont think anything of blowing 300 quid on a fruit machine, but I'l begrudge spending 30 quid on a pair of shoes! maddening madness!

personally im going back to my old school tactics, im leaving my cards at work over wk end and picking them up when i get back on monday , taking just enough to do me which is v little compared to gambling!

Good afternoon all,

Well another 24 hours have passed and there wont be (ok 99.9% chance) a bet today. Reading these replies i have gained a little extra insight as always. The concern is that ive sat in the exact same spot and trotted out the same resolute words and platitudes about stopping but to no avail. Anyway the fight goes on.

I am moving house tomorrow which is always a stressful thing. Final bills have had to be paid and new fees and bonds have been undertaken. Of course a couple of weeks ago i tried to gamble my way out this.

Not surprisingly (because it always happens) my first bet comes flying in and before long im about 600 up. Now (& im grinning writing this) if i could have stopped there and then !The whole scheme works!!! Of course this isnt a reality in our prolific all encompassing desire to aquire more. Or maybe even lose everything we have? - The long and short of it basicly i proceed over the next week to lose the 600. But just for the cherry on the cake another 350 FOR GOOD MEASURE. So the plan backfired. What a shock,except the reality is i almost expected this to happen as its a vicious circle.So why bother?

Sun beam-May I say what a fantastic well thought out and detailed reply you gave me.Ive read the 'THE BET' by Checkov today and will ponder a little further before i try and gain its meaning. Did the old banker find redemption and an answer to his prayers in the actions off the lawyer. Or my favourite idea from this ,did the 15 years spent in isolation by the lawyer represent a lost life to gambling. Things he now knows to be irrelevant AFTER THE PASSING OF TIME. The reason he chose not to execute the bet was he knew now of other THINGS OFF greater importance. The world is out there.

Gav,

Stay off the Vodka lad. I certainly cant blame booze or drugs for alot off my gambling problems as ive been stone cold sober and done the same but it certainly doesent help and can act as a trigger.

Right im hitting the gym and getting on with non gambling activites. Trying to keep a good perspective.Nobodys died, and Im trying so thats enough for now.

Peace

Hi Guys

14 months without gambling have certainly given me a clearness of thinking that I have not enjoyed the rest of my adult life. Certainly, Chekov's short story is open to interpretation and I believe that the 15 years does represent a life lost to gambling but at the same time a parallel universe of a life of learning and self discovery that is not possible when gambling controls your every day.

There are a number of things that have ensured that I have reached this point, a point where I feel comfortable in my relationship with gambling. The biggest and most significant aid to giving up gambling for me, was that I recognised and treated it as an addiction. I am convinced by this definition and it explains so many things including withdrawal, urges and the fact that simple willpower is not enough to overcome it.

The second thing is sharing with loved ones and close friends the role that gambling has played in my life. I didn't tell everyone at the same time and there are still people that I have not told but will tell. It has to be the right people, at the right time and for the right reason.

Thirdly I had to put barriers in place and I can say with 100% certainty that without those barriers I would have gambled at some point in the first 6 or 7 months. That will not happen now because the benefits of not gambling have now been so profound that it is inconceivable that I will relapse.

Finally I go to GA regularly. It is not all wonderful, but I say that every time I go 95% of everything that goes on is wasted on me, but the other 5% is solid gold and all those 5%'s soon begin to add up. If I have other things to do on a Monday night or get a better offer, I don't go, but otherwise it is part of my weekly routine and as with everything I do, (which used to include gambling), I do it wholeheartedly, get involved and try to help others with the benefit of my experiences.

It took a while to retrain my brain, to understand my brain and to unlock areas that I hadn't used before. I do drink alcohol but I understand that it has the ability to dramatically alter the way my brain operates. I exercise a lot more and find that it improves my wellbeing and helps fill the time. There is a wealth of information and videos on-line to learn from and I recommend the following link which is 40 mins long but is worth persevering with as it has some excellent advice, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jd4K-kJkpo

I have gained a good knowledge of psychology which is invaluable to help understand both myself and others. I used to think that gambling provided me with some excitement in my life, but the truth is my life is 10 times more interesting and immeasurably more rewarding than before. It all sounds great, it is great and I often say that if I could fully articulate the enormous improvement in my life just from not gambling, it would be the most compelling advert imaginable for stopping. AND THAT IS AFTER A LITTLE MORE THAN A YEAR! I remember how very tough the early days were and how amazed I was when I reached those first milestones. I am not sure when I reached the point that I could relax a little, look out of the window and enjoy the journey, but it happened and it will come to you guys too.

This was intended to be a few short words but I seem to have got carried away. Good luck and stay strong.

Ken

Hi folks, I will check out that link this evening Ken, thanks. Encouraging to hear life being so much better without gambling, and totally agree with the barriers, which is why my cards are still staying in work this week end.

I've been to AA, drink and gambling are my vices, but theres no local GA where Im from but they all follow the same principles and 12 steps.

I only gamble when I drink but I drink far too often.

Good luck for the house move, and I notice both of you exercise something which I must get myself back into, im such a lazy ba tard currently.

No plans on gambling today, infact spent the last few days self excludng from as many sites as I can think of.

Have a nice gamble free wk end folks.

Sounds like you are doing all the right things Gav, it may only be a few days but you can't reach the end of the road without passing all the houses. All the best.

Ken

Afternoon all,

Now on the 6th day & getting a little twitchy.Im almost certain if the proper football season had commenced,I'd be really fighting the urge to bet.Luckily it hasn't so that buys me a little more time.Football betting is my cross to bear.The reason I started gambling was horses,specifically short odd (dead certs!) as stupid as it sounds I could almost control this because I followed a friends tips & he was good very good.Even made money of it.

Two years on & my friend still makes money.Hes one of the 0.3% who actually does.If I could of just followed him tip for tip I could have not only not wasted a good few k,but probably banked a bit.But it wasn't meant to be.

Eventually my ego ,Id or naughty inner chimp!took over.I began to think my pretty good knowledge & feel for football could be used in betting.Obviously using my friends betting blue print (which was for horses).This has failed & failed several times.Each time a little worse than the last.

I saw my friend yesterday he'd absolutely smashed it the week I was having another spectacular meltdown.I know it's too late to follow him now because the demons out & the seeds have been sewn.Still most annoying though that this conflict of the mind bounces around.And the loss of control it leads to.

Anyhow,I managed the day without a bet & short of going into a bookies (which thankfully has never been an issue this far)will do so today.The football starts next week though.Thats when the battle begins.

Cheers all

BC