hello there people,
Im just venting my frustrations in a desperate attempt to get some advice from people who are also in the same position as myself.
I have posted before under a different username and have consequently forgot my log-on details.
However, several years since my last post i still struggle with this addiction. I am 25 years old and have gambled about 9 years now. Its uncontrollable and rarely have money to call my own. I am in great debt through gambling, i do however spend all of my spare money gambling and have done for as long as I can remember.
I have got myself in a mess several times, consequently my mother has bailed me out Every time. This time a couple of years ago I went and met with an advisor for a couple of meetings, I felt this kind of help give me a focus but these did not last as I struggled to contact him and his reply to emails were always late and we kept having to re arrange.
Irrespectively, my current situation sees me still compulsively gambling, and I am desperate to stop and dont know where to turn. My whole family think I have not gambled for about 14months, which is obviously not true. My girlfriend would definately leave me if she knew and I dont really know what my mum would say, but i'm sure she would tell my girlfriend.
I have no money but have called in sick at work today to gamble the whole of my overdraft away before 11:00am. I am now £200 over my overdraft limit of £750, so £950overdrawn. I need to change my ways but have no idea how.
Desperate to stop.
Thanks
I am NOT* in great debt
Hi Ricstonian, welcome back to the Forum,
Gamblers are not patient people by nature; the level of it varies a great deal but I sense there is a lot of it within you my friend, as there was for me before I stopped over four years ago.
Help is never going to be at hand 24/7 my friend; I feel that you have relapsed on occasion partly due to frustration concerning this, as well as not being able to “ride the storm”. It is hard because gambling isolates you; it is a very lonely, soulless affliction - few can relate to it and even fewer understand or appreciate what this can do to you.
What you have to do my friend is learn how to tackle these feelings head on. Get a system in place where you have an outlet for your urges - sometimes life’s trials and tribulations stagnate into urges and that is something that you have to address if you want to move forward with this. Personally speaking, I just used to walk at full pace - exercise cleanses the mind and it is generally available to us in some form all the time. If I have a bad day at work, I make sure I have some time to myself to calm down, relax and just think things through. If I am having money worries, I put a plan together of how I can best deal with it and focus on it.
Nine years is a long time my friend. I gambled for twenty years - if you gamble long-term, you get used to the misery, depression, obsession and heartache; it becomes part of life, you can’t ever see any way out of it. The only way you can break it is by stopping long term - you might not believe that is possible but if they banned gambling worldwide tomorrow, how would you feel? Considerably better, almost instantly - this is where you need to get to in your own mind my friend, being emotionally distant from it so you can live your life again.
Don’t be afraid to change my friend, don’t bury your head in the sand and do nothing because you will remain inside this vicious circle. You are better than that, you are young, clearly intelligent and in the prime of your life - be positive, be proactive, make the changes necessary and look forward my friend.
JamesP
Thanks for your reply James. I understand help can't be at hand 24/7. It is the urges that I really struggle with the most. I can not gamble all week then in a moment of weakness lose £200 instantly. Or sometimes once I start I can't stop until all my money has gone.
It feels like a dark cloud hanging over me preventing me from becoming anything in life or getting somewhere. I am in dire need of a strategy that helps me becoming so weak minded!
I don't want to still be on sites such as this in January 2014 saying the same thing, which seems to have been the case for a while now.
You're welcome Ricstonian,
That dark cloud isn't always there my friend; that is where impatience plays it's part again because you (as did I, and just about everyone here) can't wait until it passes.
The thing is that it always does, some days it feels like it is swallowing you whole but in a couple of hours, particulary if you have made a real effort to keep your mind occupied or stuck to your method/technique of working your way through it, it passes - it is all about working your way through them.
If you don't want to be here in January 2014, saying the same things, then you have to be proactive; reading and listening is not good enough my friend - the minute you click away from this post, you should be making plans and experimenting with ways that can get you through it.
Don't be afraid to analyze yourself very, very deeply - you say you can go a week, which is great, then you have a moment of weakness; there has to be a thought pattern, or a reason why you can't bring yourself to remember all the pain and misery that you have been through, as well as the further pain losing money will bring you.
My technique simple but very effective 1) Go for a run/strong walk 2) Phone a friend or family member - the reason for this is because gambling isolates you and that can drive you to relapsing; just talking to someone can really help at times 3) Remember and run over and over all the agony and pain that gambling has caused you 4) Keep a plan with you for what you want for your future - all the good things, holdays, things you want to do and achieve, what you want to do for your family - read it, focus on it.
Some of these things may or may not work but you have to try, otherwise you are doomed to repeat what has gone before my friend and you are better than that. Put a plan together of what works for you best and stick to it relentlessly.
Another thing that has helped me immeasurably is space and time to myself; just jumping on a train into the middle of nowhere and just walking and thinking - it cleanses the mind wonderfully well and is good for the soul.
Push yourself to do it my friend - if you try everything and fail, then fair enough but if you don't try, and click away from here without doing anything and being ready for the next time you feel weak, then you can't expect to change.
I wish you well my friend. It's hard but you have to force yourself sometimes, it's the only way if you really, truly want to get through it. If it wasn't possible, I wouldn't be spending my time saying it.
JamesP
Hi guys back again.
Been here before, obviously a few years ago now but my gambling has worsened for sure. Today i feel was the final straw and something has to be done about it but it just have no idea where to start. Im in debt to about 18k, my missus has no idea this has started again and would leave me in the blink of an eye. This afternoon playing online roulette i found myself with 13k at one stage and left with nothing, this to me proves that there is never a right time for me to gamble as I dont know when to walk. It seems so illogical but cannot stop myself thinking about it or doing it. Before thursday i hadnt gambled for 2 weeks and had started to get things paid back after xmas and was really pleased with myself. Today im at an all time low, im skint, sad,angry, embarrassed and something has to change.
Thanks for listening i just dont feel this is something i can talk to anybody close about
Ricstonian
Posts like James remind me how much he did on this site. sad. however to move on to you Ricstonian, you say you don't feel you can talk to anyone close to you, so time to speak to a counsellor or go to GA?
Is everything ok with james? I got the sense that it wasnt, by your response?!
Tried 2 counselling sessions before,i think potentially they could help, i thing id find GA hard as im not a very sociably confident person really so would prefer one to one basis
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