Confused, regretful, stressed

After doing the garden, I've just re-read my last post. Sounds defeatest, well it's probably me at my worst. Feeling more positive again and confident I will beat this and live a productive life.

wow mate, there's some stuff in that post, however the main thing to remember the past is that...the past. ive been low before due to gambling , lost money etc, felt bad etc. however as you say, theres nothing better than seeing your famiy happy. its a great feeling. ive not been gambling and putting the money saved in a tin. we are off to a lodge(paid for by not gambling) and we as a family will use a tin opener and open it together and the kids will live like kings for a week. thats better than any win ive had in the past. those kids will look up to you all their life as a non gambler. maybe you gambled because your mum did? dont let them go down that route of misery mate. sometimes its not worth all the pain of your wife knowing how you feel, however if you ever feel like a bet again, speak to her, tell her how you feel, she will admire and respect you for it. also, its amazing how mouch more time you have for your family instead of being glued to a screen watching meaningless figures go up and down. good luck my friend. keep up the good work, the future is where so should look. you cant change the past but you can shape your future and that is exactly what you are doing 🙂

Hi, MaxandRosesDad,

Two things. Firstly, you know that I'm from the other side of the fence, I was on the receiving end of a CG's lies, direct lies and lies by omission. My husband wished to "protect me" so he didn't tell me about the debts he had run up. And I am well placed to tell you that there are no words to describe just how damaging that sort of protection and those lies are. I am pointing out what you don't want to hear but it's still valid.

Secondly, all credit to you for closing the accounts. I don't get the mindset but I do get that it wasn't easy. But that alone won't be enough. You will need her support plus external counselling or help. In our case, with his cooperation, I've put up high barriers that make it a bit easier for him, having had the showdown, he's not relying on will power alone. He finds GA comfortable so he goes. It works for him...so far. The showdown was horrific all round but he's not trying to go it alone.

What further action you take and when you take it is down to you. I wish you well but I do stand by everything I've posted on this thread.

Regards,

CW.

Hi,

I agree with the above posts and now it's time to draw a line under everything. It's a good starting point for you to conquer your addiction and will lift a big weight from your shoulders.

You talk about mums memory. Deep down you know you can and will do this. You can't change the past but you can control the future.

Good luck and best wishes

Just re-read your post about closing the positions but are your accounts at the website actually closed? You said there were losses outstanding that you were going to have to pay by credit card? No comment as your wife's awareness of this plan but I thought that the websites require a deposit large enough to cover your potential losses first? If not and the spread betting account is open, for goodness sake close it and permanently self exclude. If there's money owing to the website, write to them saying that you don't want to place any more bets or take on any more positions or whatever the jargon is and you will pay off what you owe.

Otherwise, there's no barrier between you and the next spread bet.

CW

Hi, I so can relate to the post that you wrote to your Mum! Mine fortunately is still alive but still gambling heavily (because she will not accept she has a problem) & although not an alcoholic is also a laughing stock! Since finding recovery, I have tried to be more sympathetic, judge her less, not get so d**n angry but truth is, they're the adults & it's down to them to protect us from s**t like this! You can hate yourself as much as you want but you can't change the past & I speak from experience, the giving of everything they want is very short lived! That group of characters saved your life but they cannot protect your future. You need more help now to get over the pain of your mum dying & maybe even seeing your parents split up because gambling is not a suitable crutch. I am so sorry for your loss but you cannot live with the regret of something that was never your fault! You must ensure however that you don't subject your children to this type of anguish. You're not a waste, as my good friend Ade2 pointed out to me, we're not bad people, we just took a wrong turn! Recovery is possible (Ade too) & you must do this your way - ODAAT