Day 1 today i am so grateful

Hi

I use to think that gambling controlled my life.

When I walked into the recovery program I was very much a non religious person.

When I walked into the recovery program I was not able to listen to my own healthy conscience.

I got to understand when I was emotionally vulnerable and then talked about it in the meetings.

I have been in recovery over 50 years now.

I am now over 32 years clean from gambling.

For me the recovery program means healing.

Now when I asked how I was my answer was I am fine or not so bad, is that the truth then or the truth today.

I needed more meetings when I was vulnerable.

Then found a meeting where therapies were a regular thing.

By seeing and hearing other people I saw and felt my self in them.

As how I use to be but more importantly who I would become.

The recovery program is not a fight thing, it is complete surrender to the fact just for today I will not gamble.

Earlier in my life I suffered so much pain and suffering.

The gambling even though it was very much adrenaline rush it was also fear based.

In my life pains caused fears in me that I did not understand.

In time my pains would be healed, my fears would reduce and be faced.

In time I would understand that my frustrations were due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

By me having such high unreasonable expectations I was hurting my self.

I learned also in my recovery that I was not weak at all but I was an emotionally vulnerable survivor.

I found that I was a victim and over time understood that victims are people who are unable to speak up for them self from a place of peace.

The healthy therapies in the recovery program helped me reduce my fears, helped me to learn to articulate my self in healthy ways, therapies lead to my trust growing and then finally found that therapies lead to healthy emotional intimacy with others.

Addicts are not able to help themselves heal their hurt inner child on their own.

In time healthy meeting places connections are so good it feels like a healthy family environment.

Emotional Intimacy is essential in the healing of our hurt inner child.

Fears reduce, trust grows, pains heal and our intimacy in the room spreads in to our families.

Why did I lie, because of the pains and fear I was feelings.

The recovery program helps people heal from guilt shame regret.

The recovery program helps people learn to love them self.

The recovery program helps people learn to respect them self.

Every clean day we live can not be lost.

I have been to meetings all over the place and feel fearless being myself with everyone, new or old.

The simple truth no one could stop me gambling, that was going to be my choice.

The simple truth no one could make me heal my pains, reduce my fears and to become healthy and become whole and healthy once more, that was going to be my choice.

Healing Love and peace to everyone.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham