Day 1…please fix give me strength to quit this denon

Well done MJG on taking this step of posting on the GamCare forum.

It sounds like you are saying that having gambled for two decades, it is not not something you want to continue doing, and you are drawing on your inner stength to make this a moment where you take a step towards recovery by reaching out to our forum members here.

Please keep on posting so that our forum members can support you on your journey.

Take care,

Adam.

Well done on the post and reaching out to Gamcare.

I have done nearly 20years of gambling as well, I have only just really tried to stop and look deeper.

I totally get the anxiety and (personally) self hatred from gambling.  But please don't be too hard on yourself.  You didn't plan this.

For years I didn't want to look deep as to why I gambled as I thought this was an excuse.  I just thought I was weak.

The truth is we gamble because we are in pain and gambling gives us the dopamine rush/fix of feeling better, so we keep doing it.

If you lost your dad is would be traumatic and disturbing.  Really sorry you went through that.  It is completely understandable that gambling gave you solace.... But given that gambling has caused you so much pain it's so important to 'go there' and stop numbing the hurt with something that will only hurt you further.

Make sure you come back and write how you are doing ☺️

Morning.

Thanks for the response, means alot. Never been this far (enrolled with GamCare) on my gambling journey, & I appreciate its a small step in a long journey but it’s a step in the right direction nevertheless.

I am doing ok, albeit it’s only day 2…the big test for me will be the weekend. I dont know the reason but I seem to get drawn in on a weekend, pure routine I guess, in conscious I need to break that & fill the time with other things but it’s so tough! When youve me been doing something religiously for 20 years it becomes very much the norm…

I need to take it a day at a time & although I know this isnt going to be easy, it’s something I need to stop doing. Ultimately there’s only one outcome here & it isn’t the outcome I want, which is losing everything! I’m dancing with the devil at the moment & my lies will come to an end & I will get found out how much of a fraud I have been over the years.

Time to stop!

@neokcxbt9y good to know when you are going to be vulnerable so make sure you have a plan for the weekend.

I agree, after gambling years it becomes normal.  I am only just stepping out of the haze myself.

For me the first few days GF were easy as I had experienced losses and, to be honest, hated myself.  After the disgust at myself for gambling so much started to ebb away at days 4 and 5 I got the urge to gamble again and very nearly did. 

The key for me so understanding that the gambling was triggering the feel good chemical Dopamine in my brain, without the gambling I was craving the feel good hit of the Dopamine so had the urge to gamble.  It rises by up to ten times the normal amount when we engage in gambling.

Luckily exercise and good food also trigger dopamine so I made sure I got a big hit of exercise each day and ate well.  It really helps or you will just go into withdrawal and it will be 100% down to will power.

It is getting easier now.  Right now  I can honestly say I don't just know I shouldn't gamble, I also genuinely don't want to gamble, it's lost its attraction.

Like you say, one day at a time for now.

If all sounds like your mindset is starting to change. I am so happy for you! I gambled for 10 years almost everyday pay losing pay cheque after pay cheque. I have managed to break the cycle and I’m 6 months in so there is hope. You are not alone and feel proud that you want to change. 

Morning. 

Day 3 then, here we go…still feels a little surreal that I’m doing this. It almost feels like I shouldn’t be doing this which is crazy, but that feeling also shows how normal my gambling days are to me. Changing a routine is hard. 

That said, I do feel excited about not gambling anymore! Yeah it’s hard & yes I haven’t had that urge to do it yet (I say ‘yet’ as I’m not naive, it will definitely come!) but I need to keep looking towards the bigger picture, which is my partner & my 20 month old daughter. They need to become my aim in life, not gambling. It’s run it’s cause & caused so much heartache. Put me in the darkest of places which thinking back scares the life out of me, because it could easily have been an outcome I don’t even want to write about. Those days have hopefully passed for me & I’ve come out of the other side somehow unscathed!

But here we are, pushing on for a sober better life. I can’t look back, I just need to look forward. That cash I have lost, the 10’s of 1000’s of pounds have gone. Time to rebuild. 

Keep pushing everyone, hope is there! Have an amazing day! 

I hope the next week goes a bit easier as I know it can be a struggle to stop when we first stop gambling. It took me a number of years and pain before I started planing things in my head to avoid gambling and to know my triggers.

The financial side of things can hurt to start off with too but I can assure you it will recover as long as you recover as a person from gambling. I currently now save money and I am more interested in what I am saving than any potential bet out there as I know that's a sure fire way to disaster mentally and financially 

Keep up the diary and keep reading people's posts ?

Dave101

Hi

Thank you for your posting here.

Even though it does not feel like it, your first sign on here is  strength well done.

When went gambling I was escaping.

Just for today I will not gamble is the start of my recovery.

Each time I did go back to gamble was a lesson I needed to learn from.

What was my last emotional trigger.

Being here at a young age is a very healthy thing to do.

No matter when your last bet was please keep going to meetings.

If I had done what you are doing now at such an early age I could ahve saved my self a lot of pain.

It is quite usual for people to swop one ddiction for another.

The metings is where I got to know and understand my self more and more.

Today I understand that my clean time up to today was only possible by going to healthy meetings.

You have spoken to your mum well done tha is a very healthy thing to do.

The most important person to be honest with your self.

Once you take the recovery program you are not on your own any more.

The recovery program is not about luck! ??