Defeated

Hi,

you have to try and take one day at a time,self exclude from every thing,online, betting shop,you are doing the right, try and plant the  STOP button in ya head, try and talk to an addiction councillor they will explain exact what is going on with your brain,doing anything compulsively like gambling alters you as a person, it’s the addiction making you relapse,you have to hand over your finances to a trusted person if you can, stop block all credit cards,I’ve relapsed recently so I know how your feeling, try and exercise I’m walking 4-7 miles daily it helps,try and keep busy anything than falling back in to the trap,gambling excessively will always put you on your a**e,I’ve been there too many times and now for me enough is enough,I will have to be on my guard forever not to ever get involved with this evil addiction as it’s affected myself and my family,you can do it you just have to surrender to it and make positive changes in your life,I wish you all the best!

steve

Posted by: @philallen1984

I’m not entirely sure what to say or do here other than write what I’m feeling and my thoughts down and see what it does.

 

Truth be known, I’m scared. And when I say scared, I mean sick to my stomach scared. To put you in the picture Iv had episodes of gambling before but Iv recently relapsed the last few months. Now previously, it seems my episodes last time were minuscule to the damage Iv done this time around.

 

I loved the life I was living before, I am on GamStop, I had money, savings and living my life happily and without worry supporting my young family and feeling proud, extremely proud. Couldn’t wipe the smile of my face. Now…it’s a very strong contrast to that now.

 

I don’t know what possessed me to start again but basically I found a site that’s not on gamstop and that’s where my life went off a cliff and fast and I am now in deep. I feel ashamed, disgusted and I look at my wife and 2 young children and just well up with guilt and shame. I’m not in a mental state where I am thinking of doing anything stupid however the shame I feel and the guilt and all those other feelings where your disgusted in yourself to the pits. I hate what iv done but I’m also gutless to just open up and tell my wife because I’m also scared of the damage I’m going to cause to our otherwise excellent and happy marriage. It breaks my heart it really does and I know that’s easy to say but I DO love my life and value my family. When you say it or write it in black and white and I am questioning myself “then why the hell did you do it” and the answer to that is simply but inexcusably, I really don’t know.

 

Financially if I was to quit again I’d be able to get myself out of this financial hole slowly and gradually but that’s not my point. I’m not entirely sure I’d be given the opportunity to redeem myself and rebuild the trust again and I’m almost certain I’d be a single man with immediate effect. My wife is and has been supportive in many events in our relationship and that works with both of us, however things like this, I’m not convinced she would accept and support and quite frankly I wouldn’t blame her.

 

This isn’t a feel sorry for me post, I just thought it would make me gain some form of perspective but I haven’t felt that as of yet. I just feel so ashamed and it’s the old age saying, if I could turn the clocks back but I can’t and I have to somehow crawl back from this but I’m just struggling. I really didn’t want to hurt anyone…I’m sorry. Iv really messed up, Iv messed my family up, Iv literally messed up everything and for that I’m extremely sorry.

 

Anyway, I’m sure my story is mirrored across most posts on here but I just thought it may help but i haven’t felt that unfortunately. Just don’t know what to do, I really don’t know how to tackle this 🙁

Hi

I'm feeling like that tonight too so you not alone. I was terrified to tell my partner too. 

I wish would have the perfect advice but I'm in same sick realisation phase as you right now. 

I just didn't want to leave your post without saying I hear you and feel same

I also advise and know it will be difficult but please tell your wife, the trust and secrecy this addiction brings destroys relationships,o recently had divorce papers served which scared the hell out of me too,I have a wonderful wife and children and the reality of losing them was heartbreaking,get it all out in to the open and talk is the best thing you can do,the guilt and shame I know how you are feeling.

All the best, a wife and kids is all you need mate! Iv got neither and im 32…

whats the numbers in your story? Lost a house/mortgage or just some spending money?

Posted by: @steve850

Hi,

you have to try and take one day at a time,self exclude from every thing,online, betting shop,you are doing the right, try and plant the  STOP button in ya head, try and talk to an addiction councillor they will explain exact what is going on with your brain,doing anything compulsively like gambling alters you as a person, it’s the addiction making you relapse,you have to hand over your finances to a trusted person if you can, stop block all credit cards,I’ve relapsed recently so I know how your feeling, try and exercise I’m walking 4-7 miles daily it helps,try and keep busy anything than falling back in to the trap,gambling excessively will always put you on your a**e,I’ve been there too many times and now for me enough is enough,I will have to be on my guard forever not to ever get involved with this evil addiction as it’s affected myself and my family,you can do it you just have to surrender to it and make positive changes in your life,I wish you all the best!

steve

Thanks Steve 

reallt appreciate the advice. Glad to hear your a different person now and make the right steps. I just need to get out of the financial debt I’m in. It’s manageable but it’s going to leave me on the breadline every month for the next 12 months I’d say. 

the scariest part is when I tell my wife, that the consequences are going to be more than financial loss and that’s what hurts me the most. 

Posted by: @old-but-new

All the best, a wife and kids is all you need mate! Iv got neither and im 32…

whats the numbers in your story? Lost a house/mortgage or just some spending money?

I don’t think I’ll have that myself very soon unfortunately. When I open up and tell her I think it’s most likely going to lead to her leaving.

no I havent got a mortgage etc I have just lost money on credit cards and took out loans to cover my losses etc stupid I know but its in thousands put it that way 

@philallen1984 hope it works out for you mate, i gambled the order day for the first time and within 7 hours i emptied my bank account 2k, fobt machines need to be banned or this is just going to go on and on

Posted by: @old-but-new

@philallen1984 hope it works out for you mate, i gambled the order day for the first time and within 7 hours i emptied my bank account 2k, fobt machines need to be banned or this is just going to go on and on

It’s horrible isn’t it. Sorry to hear of your situation mate.

im just at a loss of how to tackle this. I can afford my payments for any money I owe on credit but it practically leaves me with nothing left after bills etc it’s just going to take me years to pay off the most gutting part about it is I got myself into an excellent condition before, to give my family a decent father/husband who they could be proud of and look up to but I’m nothing but that. Iv failed them all massively and it’s breaking my heart. I’m gutted about the money lost don’t get me wrong but the most hurtful thing is that Iv hurt my family in more ways than many.

Posted by: @cb2022

Posted by: @philallen1984

I’m not entirely sure what to say or do here other than write what I’m feeling and my thoughts down and see what it does.

 

Truth be known, I’m scared. And when I say scared, I mean sick to my stomach scared. To put you in the picture Iv had episodes of gambling before but Iv recently relapsed the last few months. Now previously, it seems my episodes last time were minuscule to the damage Iv done this time around.

 

I loved the life I was living before, I am on GamStop, I had money, savings and living my life happily and without worry supporting my young family and feeling proud, extremely proud. Couldn’t wipe the smile of my face. Now…it’s a very strong contrast to that now.

 

I don’t know what possessed me to start again but basically I found a site that’s not on gamstop and that’s where my life went off a cliff and fast and I am now in deep. I feel ashamed, disgusted and I look at my wife and 2 young children and just well up with guilt and shame. I’m not in a mental state where I am thinking of doing anything stupid however the shame I feel and the guilt and all those other feelings where your disgusted in yourself to the pits. I hate what iv done but I’m also gutless to just open up and tell my wife because I’m also scared of the damage I’m going to cause to our otherwise excellent and happy marriage. It breaks my heart it really does and I know that’s easy to say but I DO love my life and value my family. When you say it or write it in black and white and I am questioning myself “then why the hell did you do it” and the answer to that is simply but inexcusably, I really don’t know.

 

Financially if I was to quit again I’d be able to get myself out of this financial hole slowly and gradually but that’s not my point. I’m not entirely sure I’d be given the opportunity to redeem myself and rebuild the trust again and I’m almost certain I’d be a single man with immediate effect. My wife is and has been supportive in many events in our relationship and that works with both of us, however things like this, I’m not convinced she would accept and support and quite frankly I wouldn’t blame her.

 

This isn’t a feel sorry for me post, I just thought it would make me gain some form of perspective but I haven’t felt that as of yet. I just feel so ashamed and it’s the old age saying, if I could turn the clocks back but I can’t and I have to somehow crawl back from this but I’m just struggling. I really didn’t want to hurt anyone…I’m sorry. Iv really messed up, Iv messed my family up, Iv literally messed up everything and for that I’m extremely sorry.

 

Anyway, I’m sure my story is mirrored across most posts on here but I just thought it may help but i haven’t felt that unfortunately. Just don’t know what to do, I really don’t know how to tackle this 🙁

Hi

I'm feeling like that tonight too so you not alone. I was terrified to tell my partner too. 

 

I wish would have the perfect advice but I'm in same sick realisation phase as you right now. 

 

I just didn't want to leave your post without saying I hear you and feel same

Thank you for taking the time to reply it is appreciated. I’m sorry to hear your going through something similar it’s a horrible feeling. People say you need to talk and open up but in reality it’s so difficult to do and worried of the consequences. I hope your ok 

@philallen1984 that sounds pretty bad mate, iv been in a financial situation like this and the stress and anxiety is unbearable, theres no easy way out really. I did find this website can be helpful speaking to others going through the same thing hence im back on here after couple of years.

regarding your family, whats done is done, money makes the world go round but at the end of the day it is just bits paper, find a new hobby to keep you busy.

Not that i know much about it but at the worst end of the spectrum applying for bankruptcy will clear all them debts. 

Posted by: @old-but-new

@philallen1984 that sounds pretty bad mate, iv been in a financial situation like this and the stress and anxiety is unbearable, theres no easy way out really. I did find this website can be helpful speaking to others going through the same thing hence im back on here after couple of years.

regarding your family, whats done is done, money makes the world go round but at the end of the day it is just bits paper, find a new hobby to keep you busy.

Not that i know much about it but at the worst end of the spectrum applying for bankruptcy will clear all them debts. 

I have plenty to keep me busy especially with work now that I’m needing extra money I better get the overtime in but bankruptcy isn’t an option, I’m a firm believer of paying what you owe and will honour that. Iv just got to get my head straight and figure out a way forward. Like I said it’s manageable just not as much freedom as I had previously. 

it’s my own fault and I have a horrible feeling I’m going to lose more than just money unfortunately and that’s what is the worst thing about it. 

Be honest with your wife mate! Believe me she would rather know than continue to hide your addiction, I know and understand every emotion you are going through you have to I repeat have to be ready to stop for good and work at changing your life around that doesn’t include gambling, believe me it will always put you on your a**e,I highly recommend talking it through with an addiction councillor to make you understand what’s going on with you,it’s helped me.