Defeated

Hi All

Thought I’d reach out on here as for the past 20 years I have gambled most days. It has brought me so much heartache in every way but still I am here torturing myself every day until I can’t take anymore. I genuinely don’t see how anything can stop me. I’ve tried everything out there, been to GA on around 20 different occasions, seen psychologists, hypnotists, doctors and although they have all helped in some ways nothing has or will stop me gambling. I am totally defeated by the illness and don’t know where to turn. 

Throughout my life I have let me family down regularly by always going back gambling, I left a girlfriend I loved because I couldn’t take it anymore what I was putting her through. I’m sure people can relate. I have so much good going on in my life but gambling is always there waiting to take over. Gambling turns me into a completely different person as it’s the only thing I want to do. Anything else is just a hinderance. Resulting in me being angry, annoyed etc with others. I want to give back to all the people that have supported me through all the years of gambling but I’ve not a hope of doing that in the mental state I am right now. I am desperate and really hope something can work for me and change my life around 😭