Exhausted and so scared

Hi moomoo

Sorry to hear you having a hard time and welcome to the forum. I had a major relapse just over a week ago so can relate to how you are feeling right now. This addiction is awful and it’s unbelievable how much control it has over us. 

We can do this with support and the right blocks in place. Have you put in any blocks? If you haven’t I would highly recommend you do. It does make recovery easier if you do get the temptation. I have put pretty much every block in place I can and I really hope it will be the last time I’m ever in such a dark place. The thing is you need to draw a line under the money you’ve lost. It’s gone and you won’t get it back, chasing loses to try and get some back will only make the situation worse. We just have to come to accept that the money is gone otherwise we will just keep finding ourselves back in the same place time after time. It’s hard but not impossible. 

As for you coming clean,only you can decide whether you should or not but based on what you have said, I’m guessing he will find out sooner or later so it may be better to just get it over and done with then being on edge waiting for him to find out any day. 

I had to come clean to my daughter at the weekend and despite being so scared I feel so much better it’s out in the open and I now feel ready to put it behind me, once and for all. 

I hope you get some sleep tonight and start feeling a bit better. 

Lonely

Hi moomoo67,

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. 

I just wanted to ask you if you have had any professional help in processing your past trauma from your childhood? The reason I'm asking this is that I too had a rough childhood that damaged my sense of self and left my living through the lense of fear and anxiety. 

I embarked on childhood trauma therapy after realising that gambling blocks and busyness didn't give me any kind of inner peace, contentment or self Love. 

The therapy allowed me to process and release all of the emotions and feelings that I had felt throughout my trauma and hand back the blame/shame to where it belonged. Releasing all the pain then gave me the capacity to build a kind/loving relationship with myself and develop a stable mental wellbeing from learning the skill of emotional literacy (this wasn't developed during childhood because my parents weren't emotionally well).

I realise what I'm discussing here is far from easy to resolve but I believe based on my journey that it is essential if you want your self defeating behaviours to stop. It took me a long time to realise that the addiction was only the symptom of the problem and the driving force was an emotional problem driven by my lack of emotional development and past trauma. 

I've also had healthier relationships with others because as my relationship with myself has improved I've developed boundaries that have protected me from being vulnerable. 

Kind regards. 

I am in your husband's situation, my boyfriend also gambled our holiday money and was only found out when I asked him to transfer it so I could pay the credit card which I booked it with. I flipped, I ended the relationship but for one night, I loved him too much to leave him alone with nothing sleeping on the streets, instead I took him to the drs for medication, found the GA group, sourced counselling, applied Gamstop and here we are 8 months on stronger than ever, he is doing so well in recovery....this could be you too.

Please tell your partner, he will be angry and upset (I screamed and cried) but it's only money in the end, my boyfriend had also gambled with borrowed money so has years of debt too and he has years of paying the money back, at least you've only wasted your own money.

As for your partner this forum helps me, I want to give hope to people that despite the pain, life can still happen with the right tools, we fight every day to beat this addiction.

Sending love to you xxx

If you genuinely want to stop rather than just stop losing put some solid blocks in place starting with complete honesty and handing over control of your finances to your husband then look for counselling (free from Gamcare) and GA sessions so you can get to the root of what's driving the compulsion.

Your husband is going to find out. Better it comes from you than he finds out another way. There are things you can do right now which will limit your access to gambling. Use the way you're feeling to finally do them.

Hi missy

I felt a wave of emotion spread through me at finally admitting to not only myself but my partner that I have a problem. It feels like a big heavy weight has been lifted. I no longer am dealing with this in my own. Having been the one concealing my debts I know how hard this is going to be to tell your hubby. But its something you have to do. Complete honesty and transparency is the only way you will get through this and fingers crossed doing it together. My anxiety was sky high thinking about telling my other half and put it off for days, matter of fact my pride and anxiety and pig headedness stopped me admitting I have a problem for the past few years. Now I no longer am hiding my dirty secret.

Take the plunge, tell him. Ask him to help you through this. 

Kind regards and best wishes

Wysiwyg