Feeling the shame.

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(@wudarc8j6x)
Posts: 6
Topic starter
 

I've always felt a little guilty when gambling, even when it came to getting credit to feed my addiction. But I lost my money for the last time a couple days ago and decided I needed to come clean to my wife! It was the hardest thing I have ever done, I thought I'd feel better, but I feel worse, the amount of shame and embarrassment I now feel leaves me shaking. I'm hoping after a couple of weeks I'll be able to feel better. Just putting this out there for others who may be in the same situation. Gambling won't beat us.

 
Posted : 30th May 2024 10:50 pm
(@kessr34)
Posts: 29
 

I understand the shame it goes on in states I am the stage now the debts incurred is unbearable everyone is after me and this is a new type of shame and embarrassment  I beg you bro gambling won't beat us if we just stop ....so just stop don't reach the level I am at where you had to lose it all then stop

 
Posted : 31st May 2024 9:48 pm
Thebean
(@thebean)
Posts: 285
 
@wudarc8j6x  You did well in telling your wife.  It was absolutely the correct decision.
 
I was very ashamed and embarrassed once I told my wife as well.  It meant I could not pretend everything was okay anymore, to myself or to my wife.
 
For the first week I just kept saying 'I am sorry' over and again.  
 
You will start to feel better with time.  Remember, you never chose this horrible addiction.  Also you never benefited from it, I seriously doubt you spent winnings of a flash car for yourself or other indulgence. 
 
I found that channeling the guilt and hate towards the gambling and away from myself helped.  It was not about not taking responsibility for what I had done but realising that the person I was most hurting was myself by gambling.
 
Make sure you reward yourself for not gambling, you may not feel you deserve it but it is really important to beat this.  Also are you seeking support?  Counseling has been essential for me to understand what was going on in my brain.
 
Be kind to yourself, gambling thrives on secrecy and low self worth and you are worth more.
 
Posted : 31st May 2024 9:57 pm
(@wudarc8j6x)
Posts: 6
Topic starter
 

Cheers for the replies,

Having only recently stopped (4 days) I know there is a longgg way to go. It's good to hear what others who understand think/have been through.

The shame is unbearable, like you said @thebean there is no pretending anymore, and all I'm constantly coming out with is 'I'm sorry'

I definitely haven't benefited at all from gambling, and this has been part of my first steps, maybe I will have a look into some counselling!

But I can honestly say that right now the shame and embarrassment is so bad I don't want to ever gamble again!

 
Posted : 31st May 2024 10:14 pm
(@kessr34)
Posts: 29
 

@wudarc8j6x important thing is coming out but bro plz just stop I promise you u won't win anything back no good will come from continuing gambling ....and if for one second you think it can't get worst than this ....and this is rock bottom I promise you there is far worst and you not at rock bottom yet ....just stop coming out and being honest will be brutal but it is the first necessary step ....I will let you know bro I have no help financially am alone can't tell u the last time I ate confortably or slept at night lost my kids my relationship etc I am done with gambling soler years now but the debts are killing me I basically work for nothing not a dollar I take home ....plz I beg everyone I talk and have meetings with gamblers just stop and heal....if you are religious pray

 
Posted : 31st May 2024 10:20 pm
Thebean
(@thebean)
Posts: 285
 

@wudarc8j6x I had the same shame as you are feeling.  I hit such a low that I had some very dark thoughts.  Yet about 10 days after confessing to my wife and repeatedly saying 'I am sorry'  I found myself trying to deposit to an online casino.  I went on to gamble for the next several months.

I googled NHS gambling harms support and made contact with an NHS support team.  I am currently halfway through a CBT course with them and have had no urge to gamble for a few weeks now.  This is incredible for me.

Gambling will not suddenly go away just because you have guilt.  I would strongly advise you to reach out for professional help with this issue.

 
Posted : 31st May 2024 11:06 pm
(@wudarc8j6x)
Posts: 6
Topic starter
 

Cheers again for the advice and encouragement, Kessr34 I feel what your saying, the financial strain is what got me the most, have a look into step change, they can help with the money situation.

I'm still in the process of processing everything after finally admitting everything after years! 

I've started writing an almost like diary every day so I can look back at how I was feeling if I even get a little urge, as I know this feeling is not worth anything.

 
Posted : 2nd June 2024 8:52 am

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