Hi everyone,
I've always known that since I started gambling 10 years ago, that I had a 'problem' but I honestly thought I could control it.
This past month has been the worst of my life, I started the month with a comfortable safety net of a few thousand pounds (I don't earn alot so this safety net made me feel great). As I type this now I'm now in debt due to a progressive binge as I steadily gambled my life away as I chased my loses. It's horrible I feel sick, ashamed, upset, depressed, emotional.Â
I finally signed up to GamStop and signed up to this site last night. I know I need help, and I want it.
I have a long term partner of 8 years, I told her last week that I had gambled away my savings, she was as you can imagine distraught. She as many do, thought I was just stupid. I couldn't explain it to her how gambling has gripped me. I promised her I would never do it again... But I have - and this time not with my money, right now I just don't have the courage to tell her what I have done, I know its selfish but I don't want to lose my partner I now, in my lowest of moments, realise that keeping this relationship is the most important thing to me. And my actions may have ruined it, it's horrible.
I know this is only the beginning but just writing this I am crying with relief that I am doing something about it. I want my life back. I want a future. I want to be happy. And gambling is not going to allow me to do this, I've always known this in the back of my mind but now I'm ready to do something about it.
Thanks
Omar
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Omar well done for making it here and putting you're thoughts to paper. Its a hard journey but you have hope here and this is just the start.
Only you can decide to tell you're partner or not in regards to what's happened. From my position and past experience, I clear house and told my partner everything and as soon as possible because the longer you leave it or hide it the more temptation takes you back in to the addiction.
Getting gamban and various other tools on this site to block gambling on the internet and bookies helps a lot and creates barriers to give you a chance to think twice before gambling again. It's not full proof but keeping the determination to stop gambling helps and remembering the hard times helps keep you on the straight and narrow and abstaining from gambling.
Good luck on you're recovery and @ me at anytime if you have any questionsÂ
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Dave101
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Hi
Thank you for sharing how painful your life is today.
It was important for me to go to meetings so that I could start to heal my pains.
The pains of my life caused fears in me that I did not understand.
I use to fear being honest.
I use to fear emotional intimacy.
I use to fear showing the truth about my self.
The main reason I lied was because I feared rejectiona dn abandonment.
In the recovery program I would get to understand that I was emotionally vulnerable.
Each time I went back to Gambling I made things much worse.
It is true that once I got more honestw ith myself I could get more honest with other people.
Your tears are the pains from the past you never have been able to heal.
Please stick with recovery it helpes you become the person you are proud to be today.
I have more healthy choices in my life today.
I do not want or need to gamble today.
Yet it is only one day a a time.
Dave L
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