First time

Hi everyone.

I've used this website a lot and a find it really helpful seeing other peoples stories and knowing that I'm not alone. Thank you.

I'm 24 years old and I've struggled with a gambling addiction ever since I turned 18. I've always had an addictive personality so this was something I fell I was always going to end up struggling with.

I will never forget when I turned 18 and I placed my first ever bet on my phone.  After that first win I was hooked and I was then on glued to my phone all day everyday. I would back absolutely anything from football, tennis, rugby, table tennis, volleyball etc without actually having any knowledge of what I was backing. I would gamble at any time of day even during my work hours which has affected my work performance as I was once someone who was very driven and motivated.  I would always rollover the amounts I won, I would never actually withdraw them so eventually I will always lose.

Over the years I have had some huge lows, from taking out big loans, borrowing money from family / friends to gamble, gambling my entire wage on payday and then having nothing for the rest of the month. I have had big relapses where I've chased a loss in a short period of time which I then end up losing a big sum of money but its mainly just steady losses where I then have nothing at the end of the month to show for it. I am 24 and I have no savings whatsoever but thankfully I don't really have any major debts anymore besides a few council tax payments / energy bills which I will look to pay down as long as I remain in control. 

The worst part about gambling for me isn't the completely wrecked credit score or having to think about the the money lost, its the lying to the people closest to me. For years it has been like living a secret life with the amount of lies I have to live with and it sickens me to say that gambling has made me very good at lying. I've constantly lied to family members / my girlfriend about why I have no money and need to borrow and they've had to put up with my awful moods when I've lost. They are aware of my problem and have supported me but after a few big relapses some years ago, I felt like I couldn't rely on their help anymore as I felt I didn't deserve it.

I really want to move forward from this now and for some strange reason at 24 I feel like I've run out of time and wasted it. I really hope this isnt the case. I am now 8 days gamble free and I really would like to be here in a years time having stuck at it. Additionally, I have a girlfriend of two years and she deserves so much better and the motivation is to build up savings and eventually get our own home.

Thanks everyone.