First time

Hi,

This is the first time I've tried to get help for my gambling addiction. I started gambling a few years ago and got addicted pretty much straight away. It was fun and easy to make money and I didn't understand how bad it could get in the beginning. It was small bets here and there everyday hoping to win something big so I'd have more money. The problem was I had enough money to begin with and all I ended up doing was losing it all in hopes to win back what I already had before I gambled. When it got so bad that I was constantly asking to borrow money from my partner at the time and friends and family, I knew I had to stop and I did quit for a year. Then as I was unemployed and only got so much from universal credit, I decided to gamble again to see if I could get extra money each month. That was 6 months ago and it's gotten so out of hand, today I gambled all of my money away and have nothing left for the next month. I knew it was getting bad again I just didn't know how to stop as the games themselves were fun and the prospect of winning drove me on to lose everything. It's up and down each month with winning and losing but even if I win big, ultimately I don't win anything because I keep gambling it to win more and more and then lose it all. Sometimes I don't even just gamble to win, it's the games I'm addicted to as well as the feeling of winning. Because of this there's no point in doing it as I'll only lose what I win anyway and have been stuck in that cycle since I stated gambling. It's never enough and then it's nothing because I end up losing everything. I've reached out for help to stop and I really hope that with support I can overcome it and stop completely because it really is ruining my life and there's no need for it. Even if I have little money without gambling, it's better than having nothing from gambling and there's no need for me to chase more because like I said, even if I win I lose it all anyway. I just wanted to share what I'm going through as I'm too ashamed to speak to anyone about it and no one knows except for one friend and I only told them this week when it got really out of hand. It does feel shameful to admit and I'm glad I can get confidential help for it because I don't want to tell anyone close to me. I know it'll get better, I've quit for a year before and I know I can do it again long term. Especially if I block all of the gambling sites so I couldn't gamble even if I wanted to. I just hope that this is the start of it getting better.