Gambled after one year in the clear

Bryan, I just wanted to say I have just read your whole diary and it’s been so helpful to me. Today I’ve had a blip. I’ve been gamble free for 16 days today the most I’ve done in the past 8 years but today I bought 50 quid a worth of scratch cards , I’ve never been bothered about scratch cards my problem is online gambling slots, roulette etc and for some reason today I popped into the shops and bought a few scratch cards and before I knew it I had returned 3 times and bought £52 worth! The thing is I always complain to my children’s gran she’s wasting her money on them and I’ve done that? Maybe I was missing the rush gambling gives I don’t know I feel life’s very dull without it... anyway I’m rambling my point is reading your diary today has given me a great boost and hope that I can beat this. I’m sorry about your recent relapse , like me you just need to start from day 1 again and keep fighting. The only thing I will say is this, be careful when it comes to sorting out your finances, the time after this is done is the most dangerous. When you are feeling relieved and financially secure again this is the time when you think you can have a harmless bet and it won’t do any harm or break the bank and then you end up building the debt again and going back to hell. I only say this as I’ve done it several times over the years and you like me seem to really need the financial situation sorted before you can feel like it will be ok . Anyway good luck I will continue to follow your progess and wish you well

Day 14

Progress has been made mentally . I haven’t had the urge to gamble and the secret is out with people around me so that is a great block in place . Wife is about to get a contract at work guaranteeing her 30 hours a week which will take any pressure off . For the last few months I was giving her £500 a month on top of paying everything else out . Gambling isn’t something I want to do , I just need to keep focussed and checking in here as and when

Hi Bryan...just back on here after a long time.I wanted to write to you as you gave me such good advice and hope after my last relapse.So sorry to read that you also had a relapse and I think that's also a reason why I want to reach out to you now.I was doing well...got finances in order..started to make real gains regarding recovery or so I thought.Been to a councillor...and decided that I no longer needed that help.And what do you know but I'm pretty much back to square one after a major blow out last night on online slots.Still in shock at my behaviour...and the financial fall out.I suppose in a way it's not totally back to square one... financially yes...but somewhere deep inside of me I am even more determined now that this is the final straw.Am reaching out to you as I thought I was ok...clearly I'm not.Rihht now all I can think of is the damage limitation and shuffling money to sort things out.Funny that the money always seems to be the key to 'stopping'..yet I know this illness is nothing to do with money.I feel like I have made alot of gains emotionally over the last year but then this...complete chaos has entered my life again.Its the self destruct button all over again the minute things are going well.Sorry I'm all over the place and just reaching out to you really for some words of advice and mostly comfort.Hope things are going ok for you now.Im so lost now again...have no one to talk with this about.

Hey Bryan, even though you had a blip (and most of us have),you have proven you can remain GF. Please read my story if interested, it resonates with so many others and I ask myself the same questions we all do, what makes us do it in the first place and when I do, I know I’m doing wrong? I think of it like a devil on my shoulder.... someone in your thread also said is it because we like drama? I’ve asked myself that too... who knows! Interestingly I’ve tried to do some research to see what other options are out there and came across an article about Naltrexone, it’s supposed to curb cravings to gamble and Dr Henrietta Bowden-Jones uses it in her clinic... I’m looking at alternative ways to try and stop.... well done on 44 days and bring on 365 gf days again... good luck! Kaz xx

Hey Bryan 

I've not read or posted on your diary for about 3 years. I had day 1 on 23 Dec 2017 which was 1 day before you started your diary. We have very similar stories on the first 100 days or so but very different since. 

I just read your diary all way through since my last post and your relapse scares the living sh^t out of me. I thought we had it cracked bro that’s why I gradually wound down posting on the forum. 

I’m really sorry that you relapsed and really hope you are ok and still going strong in life and being gamble free.

Iain