Hi, im Ed, 48 and been a compulsive gambler for 30 years. I've been in and out of debt, mostly in, currently 20 grand. I thought I'd beaten the gambling demons a few years ago but slowly the demons have clawed their way back in.
I'm a regular kind of bloke, normal job, wife, 3 lads aged between 11 and 21. Earn 30 thousand a year.
I do wonder why, when I have so much good in my life, I feel I need to gamble.
I have gambled since childhood, grown up in a seaside town so amusements. The Internet was a killer for me, as soon as I had a computer I put my 1st bet on, never before had I put £5 on a horse, it was loads of money to me back then.
I managed to get myself into 50 k worth of debt when I was 30, took 10 years to pay back. Now I find myself back to the same.kind of position.
I don't get an urge to gamble, not like that, I don't think. I just look and pick my winners (losers), be it football or racing. I hate the fobt, can quite easily blow 3 figures on my way out of the shop.
I've been on gamstop for 2 years and haven't gambled online for that period. I now just go in the bookies and either lose on the fobt or put ridiculous amounts on a horse or football through a machine rather than hand over money to an actual person. That way there's no embarrassment.
I've looked at this forum over and over, I hope I can manage this again. Strange, I have never been this sick with myself before.
Just struggling to see the end, can I actually get myself through it. I can and will, I guess I just needed to spill out my thoughts.
Cheers,
Ed.
Hey Ed, having also grown up in a seaside town i totally get where your coming from trouble is not everyone gambles and its took me a long time to realise that , or at least not as often as a gambler does, hence why we have problems and others dont but they may have another addiction, im new to this but one thing ive quickly learnt is i dont miss it so was i ever really getting enjoyment from it the answer is no, its brought nothing but misery, anxiety , debt and just feelings of emptiness, take it one step/day at a time, find something you enjoy and be kind to yourself this is a journey and getting to the desired destination will take time.
Hi Ed,
The thing is and I have given this a lot of thought and spoke to a lot of people who have studied addiction that any one with this has to accept that there brain has been altered due to the pattern of behaviour over a long period of time,yes at times we are powerless to prevent relapsing and not thinking of the consequences,for me this is an invisible addiction but it will rob your soul and destroy relationships to the people you are supposed to love,it makes you dishonest,I question what the hell am I chasing? I chase the win,and then try again,try again and then you are back to zero,I have self excluded from betting shops ,please do the same,I am benefiting mentally and physically by walking six mile a day, it is a great help,you have to get to that point of I need and want to stop, after my recent relapse my wife has enough and has served divorce papers,that has hurt me like I’ve never been hurt before, losing everything including my lovely kids has put that big red stop button firmly planted in my head, I suggest handing over all debit credit cards to a trusted person,have no access to free money or credit cards,try and change areas of your life that can change the pattern of things we do,understand triggers mine are emotional and I look for an escape,I can never ever do that ever again,I have to be on this and not get lazy because that’s what it does to you makes you lazy,I wish you all the very best in trying to beat this dangerous addiction!
Hi
You could try signing up to MOSES. They will exclude you from the bookies for 12 months. No embarrassment of asking for a form in the bookies itself. You select the bookies you want to be excluded from.
It has helped me (along with Gamstop like you have already done).
Good luck.
Hi Ed
Tough game we get our self into.
It's my money!
Different this time!
I'll pay the Elec bill next week!
NEVER AGAIN!
The list goes on and on.
This the longest true gamble free time, I've ever done.
A full day can now go by without thinking of gambling, Its a miracle.
But as eggs are eggs it pops it to your little grey cells, an a new plan hatch's, then you have to do anything to distract your next move, walk in local park.
I have to have a plan ready.
I'm enrolled in GAMSTOP self excluded from all the bookies i can think off , Casinos barred.
But if we want to bet while find a ,sneaky,Lie,Underhand way,where pro's at them all.
I don't know whats different this time, but you can bet I'm on my guard.
Maybe I'm Just Sick off It.
Hope tomorrow is a good day.
One Day
Hi Ed,
I was consumed for many decades but now understand today I have the choice to today to no longer be vulnerable and use addictions and obsessions of escaping my feelings and emotions.
Me feeling vulnerable had nothing to do about money or my addictions, I needed to understand why I was behaving in such unhealthy ways.
Even today I do not carry larger amounts of money on me.
I understand I do not want money on me why put myself at risk.
The gambling establishment never made me do any thing I did not want to.
The staff at gambling establishment never made me do any thing I did not want to.
The staff at gambling establishment never stole my money I gave it away freely.
I did not value myself money or other people.
My promises had no value some how I thought that my promises would stop me from being unhealthy,
I was unstable and unable to be fully respect love or respect myself and was not committed to myself and finding healing resolve to my emotional triggers..
No matter how much money I had I was destined to through it away and no matter how scared I was was not going to stop me gambling.
How ever silly or absurd it sounded I thought I had control in my life.
I put an unhealthy false facade on based on my fears, I pretended to be some one I was not.
In time I gave up talking about money or my unhealthy habits, I focused on resolve and healing with in myself, I was a very impatient person and wanted things to happen quickly, sadly how ever long I or other people hurt me the healing of my pains process would not come over night.
There were man times it would be the same emotional trigger and I would be back at it.
After a very painful period over time if you asked me how I was feeling I would answer not so bad.
Was I lying to other people or myself, was I unable to show how badly I was hurting.
The simple fact for me it was not possible to heal from my past if I was still causing myself pain and trauma today. Not possible at all.
I have been on many forum over and over, getting to know myself and understand how I could become healthy and whole and heal my pains from the past.
My conscience told me I was being unhealthy yet I would justify my unhealthy actions and my unhealthy words.
Once I started to heal the healthy intimacy I had in the rooms became a healthy intimacy with my family.
The pains of guilt and the pains of shame I felt would be healed and in time people I had hurt started to heal them selves.
Each time I lied I hurt myself.
Did I reach a point where I was sick of being so unhealthy, was I sick of lying, was I sick of letting myself down and others.
Once I started to get honest there was one time Shirley and I were in an airport, she asked me hw I was feeling, I was honest with her and told her I was panicking, she said do not be silly you never panic, being honest it was hard for me to understand at times I was vulnerable but did not show it.
Her security was based up on my security, when I was nervous she started to feel more nervous.
In time that has changed and we both live in less fear than at any other time in our life.
It is only by facing my fears head on and asking what is the very worst that can happen, only then when I am willing to accept the very worst do my fears reduce.
Walking in the recovery my fears were very high, about 10 out of 10, today my fears are reduced to low single numbers, it sets me free and I am able to not only be myself but have intimacy with all people.
The addictions were a form of self abuse and reacting in unhealthy ways, it was also a form of self abuse to myself and people around me.
I am over 20 years free of Gambling.
I am over 20 years free of smoking.
I am over 20 years free of getting drunk.
I am over 20 years free of panicking.
I am over 20 years free of drinking tea or drinking coffee.
I am still reducing some of my unhealthy habits.
The recovery program is simple about healing.
Some people in the recovery program think it is about who is right or wrong, no it is about being healthy.
We need to make the decision for our self what is healthy and what unhealthy, to exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
How much do I want to live a healthy life today, free of all unhealthy habits.
Love and best wishes to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK
@bags1961 Hi, I understand what you are saying,a big well done for not gambling,I’m just starting my recovery again after a recent relapse,I can’t go back ever again and will not go back only way is forward a life without it lingering is paramount to me and my family, I agree being on your guard and having a plan is key to abstaining,changing your life style keeping measures in place for ever is vital,retraining your brain as I believe all compulsive gamblers have damaged themselves with the convulsion over a period of time,I wish you well and to be gamble free!
steve
Hi ed I've bin gambling for 40 yrs small bets generally i started at 16 id be happy to win 20 on a five pound bet got myself in trouble 10 yrs ago thought I'd ever put 1000 on black jack on line told my wife had so much guilt really couldn't live without telling my family lost maybe 50000 got myself straight took a long time then recently got a 15000 insurance policy pay out lost 11000 in one evening i say i need help its like any easy money i have to gamble it
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