Getting it off my chest

Hi vulture you sound just like my cg. Eventually he gave up finance, everything direct to me. I wouldn't use equity to pay debt. I think when we did that by remortgage he just went back to it. I would go back to GA. That's where we are GA and gamanon. Gamcare can help with counselling. My cg finally hands up can't have any money, no cards, no access. Cash and receipts. Accepting you're an addict is half way there. Good luck and be honest.

iThanks for the reply

The equity part is meant to free up a fair amount of money every month to start living . It’s a continuous circle of a large chunk of my money for bills and then me spending whatever I have Left . If I can stop gambling then and do the remortgage obviously handing control over to the wife we can have a good lifestyle with no need to gamble

Ga is an option although it’s half an hours drive . I ceased getting anything out of it as some of the conversations were actually nothing to do with gambling , a couple of people had issues more than gambling that you couldn’t help with as not a trained councillor , others just went for a social and I believe never actually had real issues with gambling each to their own . Will consider it though

Hi Vulture,

Looks like we have a fair bit in common and at least we both appear to have limited access to finance now!

Good luck in beating this, and try and keep your chin up for the kids tomorrow (or so my partner has been telling me).

Cheers

Richard

Thanks Richard , it’s actually a strange one for me as my wife is Polish so today’s their xmas day! Got the kids a Nintendo switch which they will be delighted with .

Just hope they aren’t reading this forum as it would give the secret away !!

Since I made the post and joined this site I have been reading other posts and forums , almost to an obsessive level which is what we are all about I guess . I deleted poker games off my phone and told the wife about it (not the ones you can win anything but I would be still plugging myself into it ) I am not a poker player but on the subject our local snooker centre has a poker night on the 27th . I was always going and on payday transfered my friend £50 as I looked ahead and knew I probably wouldn’t have any spare money left a week after payday (pathetic but true ) . So I am still attending but took my name off the poker list , contacted my best man from my wedding who I don’t see very often and booked a snooker table instead . Baby steps but something I am happy about . It’s that all or nothing mentality , can’t chose which things to gamble on and which ones not to. So I chose to stop all leaving nothing to chance . Moving forward I also have a plan , we have joint gym membership and last year I lost 2 stone , but the last few months have put one back on as motivation was lacking due to gambling more . Gonna lose that stone plus another one !

Good luck with the weight loss, and happy Xmas today then!

I’m obsessive compulsive so need to find a distraction too. I avoided gambling in the summer as my 8 year old was also obsessed - on Pokemon go! We were going on 10km walks every night looking for Pokemon, but unfortunately the dark nights led to gambling again. Supposed to be swimming the channel in a relay next year, so guess i’ll just have to get down the swimming pool (although have been telling myself that my spare tyre will be necessary insulation ...).

Na zdrowie! (Looked it up, I don’t speak Polish!)

We did the Pokemon thing until my brother in law had a hack for the PC, can hack the GPS to put you anywhere in the world , took the fun out of it !!!

Thanks for your xmas wishes cheers to you too. Long road ahead and the problem is having attended GA for a long period of time you tend to know the answers but don’t apply it to yourself. Got to be humble about it and one of the comments on the forum was true to me , that always thinking that you are going to relapse was the reason you kept some gambling outlets open to yourself . Going to self exclude from the bookies in my town, there are 3 of them . Although I seldom go in, won’t do me any harm . Also same applies to 2 casinos that are half an hours drive away, then that’s all of the boxes ticked for me

Hi Vulture, welcome 🙂

I guess from your last post that you attended said casinos that are 1/2 hour away so is that really a reason not to go back to GA? I’m surprised that you said you became chairman & yet allude to having little gr4sp of the concept of addiction? It runs way deep than just gambling which is why the 12 Step program is used by all the anonymous groups & many many people cross addict. I see that you accept that you didn’t apply ‘the answers’ to yourself so that begs the question...Were you just going to meetings or actually working the program because there is a world of difference & for someone who was clean whilst they attended for as long as you were, I’m surprised at how dismissive you seem of GA?

Appreciate you have handed over your finances but don’t let addiction kid your that clearing YOUR debt with shared equity will fix this...You know it’s not a financial problem & allude to there having been no reason to have taken the latest loan. I smashed through inheritance & remortgages this way...Don’t be the fool I am! Your kids may not want for anything material but growing up around an addict in action is not healthy.

Keep putting up those barriers & if you’re not feeling GA again, why not have a look @ some counselling (GamCare offer this free)...You know what you need to do, time to put it into practise - ODAAT

tODATT harsh words but definitely what I need to hear . Can’t P***y foot around this any longer . I am going to try GA again, and also counselling I checked out . I suppose you can say I was in denial with it all. I’m at that stage where I want to stop , that’s the main issue for me . My kids go for nothing but I never invest in anything for myself , never buy clothes , etc just existing from month to month .

Will go to GA with fresh eyes and will use it as another tool in my armoury to stop my disease

Thanks again for your input , I need as much assistance as anyone can offer

Not sure why but that judt bought a tear to my eye 🙂

Existing is a poor excuse for living...We only get one shot @ this! I look forward to joining you on your journey 🙂

Thanks again for your input . I’m under no illusions what’s ahead in terms of the work I need to put it to better myself . The reward I am focusing on is worth much more than money

So Day 1 GF , our Polish xmas complete . Frequent reading the posts on here have helped but also spending time with the family and not being vacant in my mind was really nice . Long road ahead and I feel content about my mindset . This mindset has been to make a concerted effort to stop. Other times it was paying lip service to myself and always keeping some kind of gambling opportunity open to myself . Not so much physical but mental . I remember the first time I stopped and went to GA. it’s true once you have crossed that invisible line you can’t gamble again without remorse for it . That’s true totally for me but what you can do is chose not to let yourself feel remorse . I am sitting down now typing this and thinking to myself tomorrow is a new day . I have just deleted a few emails of confirmations of my self exclusions from online casinos . Now it’s more tangible that I have made this mental pledge to myself and the sh*ts just got real ! To anyone taking the time to read this , thank you and have a great festive period whatever your religion or beliefs . Gambling addiction has no boundaries on religion or beliefs either ! Deep down I know I am a good person, I always thought I have a decent moral compass and will still do anything to help anyone I can (except myself !) . Now it’s my time I hate the fact that I have lied and deceived , it’s not how I was brought up or want to be known as . Ok enough ramblings for today , I look forward to hearing from anyone on here in due course . Over and out ....

Ok that’s day 2 GF . Xmas day so was not really a normal day in my gambling life . Read more forum items and reinforced the reasons I need to quit and will quit.

Oh and my mother kindly gave me £50 Cash in a xmas card . I gave it straight to the wife without me blinking an eyelid !

Well done. We’re at exactly the same stage on day 2 so let’s keep in step and get a big number. As you say, not a normal day ...Boxing Day was always a highlight with number of race meetings on so will just avoid looking at results. Also cancelled my sky sports subscription to avoid temptation. Funnily enough, I actually won consistently on sports but they triggered the blackjack. Thought I could get a £20 darts bet for free by winning on blackjack. Got £32k down, back up to within £45 and then lost it all ..by end I was hoping to lose to just finish ... is that a normal thing as I could have just withdrawn what was in there. Anyway, sorry to clog your diary with my nonsense but wanted to say hi... I have a 6 and 8 year old as well, and don’t think they noticed my mood ..

Thanks again for responding it’s wonderful to think I am not alone . You are definitely not clogging my diary at all! We are in this together . You seem to have a similar life to myself . I have a management job in a business that is pretty pressured . My whole month is based upon sales and therefore commission sometimes feast and famine . I say that but to a non gambler it actually isn’t a famine but when you are gambling it is . Having 2 young children the same age as yours they haven’t seen me gamble directly . I just put them in front of the tv and I would spend a couple of hours in the other room on my phone . Terrible when I think about it . The only positive is that at 6 and 8 I can change now and they won’t know their father as a hopeless addict which is something that I am holding onto as a thought . Perhaps you could do the same ? Please keep in touch and let me know how you get on over the new few days , would like to hope that you are moving forward

Regards Bryan

Ps understand totally what you mean about when the money is gone . Money to us is a burden . Sometimes I only got the buzz after the loss and then my mind went into overdrive about how I was going to get out of this mess , what money would I juggle , what stories would I have to fabricate . Almost like I lost to punish myself in some strange sadistic way .