After saying I won't gamble on the football again, I find myself literally skint. 4 days after Christmas, 4 weeks to pay day with nothing left. I did withdraw 150 from my last session but that still leaves me 500 down in 4 days. Add that to the fairly significant amount of debts I already have (not all gambling related but the majority is. Mainly pay day/bad credit loans used to fund the rest of my month)
I find it compulsive. It's a bit of an out of body experience - I can hear myself telling me not to do it, you're an idiot.... Then I stick £50 on a first half goal and say f*** it out loud. Watching myself literally throw away money I dont have.
I've told a few friends that I've had some big losses but I can't bring myself to tell my partner. I feel ashamed and have lost my self esteem.
My work hasn't earned me as much as I would have liked but the frustrating part is that i have earned enough if I hadn't have lost the amount I have, easily 5/6k this year. Money I could have spent on paying my partner back for holidays she has paid for, driving lessons, taking her out.
I feel useless and angry at myself.
Sometimes I've gambled for enjoyment, sometimes to chase losses, sometimes to try and kick the depression I feel. This year has been horrible - I lost my dad suddenly, let's have had emergency operations for serious illnesses, my partner has depression too and I spend every night going to sleep and every morning waking up feeling awful as my actions have only served to exasperate the situation. We've nearly split up a couple of times and I just don't know what to do.
Hello Btown83,
It sounds like last year was really challenging for you; it is good that you joined the forum so that you can get some online peer support to help you to manage the difficulties that you've been experiencing with problem gambling.
Given that you've been bereaved and have had problems with your health and your relationship, I wonder how you might feel about obtaining some more support in addition to the support here on the forum. If you'd like us to signpost you to other services, or if you'd like us to facilitate a referral for free counselling appointments, we can do that for you if you call us on our freephone 0808 8020 133, or come through on our netline. If can also call us if you just want to talk about your recovery from your gambling problem.
Take care,
Forum admin.
Hi Btown,
you certainly have all the traits of a compulsive gambler alright. Once you see that you then need to go and seek help. I had councelling and stopped for long stretches but never really tackled the issue properly until I went to my local GA meetings. the 12 step program and talking to fellow addicts really opened my eyes into the seriousness of what it was doing to me, but also showed me how I could tackle the issue. I recommend you look up your nearest meeting and go to it if you are serious about stopping gambling once and for all. Its no insant fix as we are compulsive gamblers for life but if you put in the effort you can overcoem this and improve your life greatly. I wish you well.
hi i can relate to your story unfortunatley last few years have lost both my parents at a young age and other close relatives too.
a combination of grief and depression led me to gamble i have lost nearly 60k over last 5 years. i think like me you can use gambling as an escape from your day to day problems then maybe you win this can give you a high so you repeat maybe you win again but now you need a bigger high so you gamble at higher stakes and you cant stop because you get a kick out of winning then of course eventually you will start to lose then when you do you get angry then become reckless until eventually its gone you feel guilty for a while but then you look for that winning kick again and so it continues.
i would try to tell your partner.
if you cannot try to find something positive exercise maybe or an activity maybe with your partner aswell you need something to replace the kick you get from gambling.
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