Got into a real mess chasing a loss! £1200!

Hi, Reddy,

I'm on the other side of the fence and I'm torn between a distinct lack of sympathy and alarm. Compulsive gamblers can't win because they can't stop. You have described how you couldn't stop until you had lost everything that you had to lose. That's ominous.

You are about to go off down a very wrong path and I hope for your sake and that of your family that you can pull back before it's too late. There are multiple warnings from older forum users to younger forum users along the lines of "Don't!!!" Read as much of the forum as you can, including some of LostMyLife's posts.

The good news is that you've caught it early, so hopefully you are in a better position than someone who has been gambling for decades.

I would urge you to take it very seriously, even at this early stage. Self exclude from as many of these websites as possible and from local bookmakers, also install effective blocking software and if you can't block it, downgrade your phone. You don't need to? Well, if you don't want to gamble again, these measures won't bother you and if you do want to gamble again, you've already got a problem.

Also, tell your parents, whilst the damage is not too bad. With their support, it would be easier to stop, it would be worth the short term embarrassment.

Finally - and this is where you're not impressing, grow up! Stop taking your parents for a ride, the purpose of free board is not to enable you to flash your cash. Cash is not a substitute for personality. Or ...er...guts. What counts is YOU, that's the young man you are, not what's in your wallet. Your friends and gf don't agree? You're mixing with the wrong people; learn your own worth and change your friends.

The secret of happiness is being happy with what you have.

Wish you well,

CW

Reddy wrote:

I would really appreciate some help to get me through the weight I have over me of losing 1 months wages in a few hours. Some advice or help to make me feel like this is just a drop in the ocean in regards to any future/potential earnings. Think I am going to have to tell my GF tonight that I may be backing out on being her flash boyfriend for a while!

I wish it was that easy and there was a cure all to make you feel better, but there isn't one. You will feel gradually less crappy as days pass, and by next payday this will just be a bad memory.

The key now - and this is absolutely totally vital - is to accept the loss. Do NOT go chasing that £1200, you will lose more, and eventually you will lose everything!

Kev

Thanks for these comments really appreciate it. Although 'cynical wife' is being harsh with me about board he is being straight! I need to be me and not worry about money and especially waste it! I hope I have learnt my lesson but only time will tell I guess.

I was tempted to chase it earlier but thankfully didn't, my exclusions did help the situation as its more hassle!

I have to except i have lost that money and get on with saving. Like I said its a learning curve and the key for me is to learn or like Dean says I will become a negative stat!

I am currently in no place to brace the parents but I have told a mate of mine and my GF! She was very understanding and says she will help me save my money each month like SHE does! She did offer me money at first as she is that nice but hell no I'm not taking from her as that is cruel and I couldn't do that to someone I care for! I have already read enough on here to put me off doing so!

It is definitely rigged, I was thinking about it earlier and I'm sure that it's not beyond physics and modern technology to devise a system that reacts to what is staked on the table! Ie in roullete the wheel spins faster/slows when it's wants it to be red rather than black! For Casinos I guess it's worth a lot to make the odds in their favour and certain systems are worth the money!

Like kev says as days go by the pain will lessen of that money gone! And I do hope that after my next pay check I can be happy with what I am lucky enough to have and accept it and save!

Thanks again people. I am a young fool that fell right into the trap. The only way I can justify is to not gamble for at least 1 yr and then it would only be like losing £100 a month.....that is clearly just how my head works....

Hi Reedy

Like you say you're young and in a couple of months you can see what damage this can do. In 2 months this has got you in its *** and given you a big wake up call.

Get out now before you end up like most people on this site, years down the line before coming to the realisation that you have.

Well done for coming here just make sure you act on it.

Hi, again.

It would be worthwhile - if hard - to get counselling from GC and/or via the GP and actually attend the sessions. If you can look what attracted you to gambling, or learn how not to act on triggers, all layers of protection would help. And the underlying hint of you not feeling worthwhile in yourself should be addressed urgently if you are to have a happy life. No good trying to escape from yourself...that's what addicts do.

Take this seriously.

BW

CW

3rd day now running through my losses in my mind! Really killing me! Just can't get that money out of my thoughts!

My girlfriends been great and says its fine everyone makes mistakes and as long as I don't be a mug and think I can win it back its ok.

Still plays with my mind, even when I'm trying to do fun stuff. Playing golf today with a pal so let's hope I can relax a bit and in a few paychecks time it's something I can put in the past.

A favourite lyric of mine is "don't be afraid to try again, everyone goes south every now and then" let's hope I go south just that once! ...

Hi Everyone,

Feel like giving an update.

So I havent been in/on a bookiess, casino or online site since my big loss ( I have been tempted tho! Especially on pay day.) I just keep wanting my money back and wishing I could forget the whole thing, but wouldnt everyone I guess. Not that winning would stop me from doing it again, probably would act as encouragemnet....

The one big thing that stops me from logging on and doing it again is the thought of lsoing my stake and then really being broke! Everyones advice on here to just put it behind me helps too! DONT CHASE MOVE ON!

Hopefullly I have learnt and the BIG Chunk out my account is a sorry reminder and a reason in itself to quit and not look back. Seeing bookies adverts when im driving around or watching TV really brings the anger back and annoyance in myself!

One last thing I was wondering is if anyone could offer advice on playing the lottery? I have never bought a scratch card and know that if I did my lunchtime sandwiches would soon turn very expenisive! But I do buy the lottery regularly, especially since my loss. I pin my hopes on being up and winning on the lottery instead, mainly the millionair raffle as I would never win the big jackpot 😉 Any advice on buying the lottery, is that ok? I cant go into a shop now and not come out with one, I need one for every Wednesday and Saturday....

Cheers

Hi reddy

A lot of good advice given by members here cease all forms of gambling is a start no matter how tempted you are you will never win your losses back put up barriers speak to people close to you to remind you not to gamble staying isolated is the worst thing you can do your like a fuse slowly burning away before you explode

Read my story see how gambling can destroy your life and how easily it can creep back if your weak minded like I am now luckily I've caught it early

Goodluck you need to be determined and want to turn your life around its down to you and your determination

Koliver

Hi Reddy.

That money has gone. Thats what you decided to do with it. as part of your recovery you can be very thankful that youve still got your girlfriend and anything else gambling has not taken from you. It is not a get your money back later scheme

Im serious in that you need to sit down again and make sure all those close to you are aware what you have done. There is no shame in admitting it got to you.

Gambling is a losers game. It will be painful for a month or so while you get things straight. That unfortunately is reality and the damage and heartache that gambling causes

Really for a while it will be helpful if someone can manage your money to give you a sense of the value of money again. In your young years it may seem you have some left over but there will be a stage where you have to pay rent and maybe bring up a family.

Just concentrate on stopping gambling. Keep reading the forum and look at the stories of sorrow.

A phone call to gamcare or even a quick chat with the doctor is a good idea.

All the very best to you

Thanks people.

I need to just accept my losses and move on. Like I have read on here, if the money lost is a life lesson then money well spent!

That said I'm across the road from a grovener casino working on a site today in Leeds! I also drove past the coral round the corner, I can just feel the pull of the places wishing me in, tricking me into thinking I can win money back!

After writing this I'm getting out of here now that I've finished my work here, just so I don't walk in there for 30 mins or so and regret it! This site really is good for killing urges.

Cheers

1 month on!

Thinking to myself how do I get over this still! It's been a month but tonight more than ever I want to play online! Writing on here helps me because if I then did play I would be a hypocrite to myself.

I have been looking at the causes of what draws me in and it's my superficial love of money and objects and the so called status of having money and these objects in my life! How stupid is this!

"It doesn't matter what you have" and I know that except I remain obsessed with the idea of having a top car and a great house! Writing this I'm watching grand designs where the house is awesome and worth 1.2mil! How do you get to that point! I guess I think like this because I have grown up with lots and aspire to be as successful as my dad with the nice house I find myself in and his expensive toys he has bought himself over the years. It's so stupid because I'm sure he was no better placed than me at this point in his life.

I also miss my girlfriend massively when she is away at uni. She gives me the purpose in my life other than anything monetary. Seeing her smile and be happy is probably as good as it gets.

I have to live every day as it comes and not speculate hopelessly about the future as this only worries me and encourages me to gamble. I still buy my lottery tickets but thankfully that's been it for the month.

At the moment I just need to focus on staying away from casinos, betting shops and never go on a online site again! If I went down that route chances are I will never be getting what I dream of.

A fitting lyric for me is "dream on but don't imagine they will all come true" from Billy Joel's song Vienna it really helps keep me grounded.

I doubt anyone wanted to read all my talk but I think it helps me move on and not follow down the slippery slope I could be on....

Thanks

Hey Reddy, just read your thread and know the feelings all to well! You're doing the right thing recognising the urges now after the first big loss and coming on here to manage those urges. We've all fellen in to that same old trap!

You seem like a very level headed person (working out how to manage the loses and thinking about it in ways which lessen the blow e.g how it works out over 12 months) which can sometimes make the mistake feel even worse. We feel like we can beat/out smart the system in some way to get back what we lost but ultimately even the biggest win would be wasted because we cannot stop. Trust me. After my first couple of big wins (20p spin turned to £200) then to my first big loss (£400 in to over draft). I am now 18 months later £14,000 down and in councilling all due to chasing.

Let it go dude. £100 a month is not a big deal, equates to a nice dinner/few drinks out at the weekend.

Like you I was sensible, I have a good income, amazing boyfriend and I can't believe I've risked it all so many times due to my own inability to admit I was a mug. It is a mugs game.

Sorry didn't mean for this to turn in to a rant! Lol. But please trust me when you have those little urges that no good will come from risking it again.

We need to remember - anything worth having, never comes easy. I'm looking to the future with you!

Have a peaceful gamble free weekend 🙂

Told my Mum & its so much better!

Hi,

Told my Mum about 1hour or so ago. We were on a similar topic joking about doing clinical trilas randomley enough haha on our own downstairs and she said "you cant seriously need the money that much" as I mentioned I may be a bit tight for holidays this year. Then I said "I need to tell you something" and were off.

At first when she found out the figure it was a lot to her but when I said it was 1month ago now and I had been living with the thought and justified it in a uncountable number of ways she started to understand and see the postives in not only me telling her but my bad experience. Basically to cut a long story short if i dont try to think I can win it back I do win!

I hope she doesnt tell my dad tho, I did say dont tell him. He will go ape about that sort of money. Especially as he is my boss and pays my wages and wouldnt want me P**s""ng it away like that! Plus he has never really been into the gambling scene so wont understand. Especially not the readily availibilty and uncontrolled unsensitive way online stuff is. Its just numbers on a screen like everyone says, no mates or authority figures that could potentially step in and worst of all no warning or check message saying something along the lines of "are you freaking nuts that £500 deposit will make it £1000 in the last 10mins depoisted" and then when you lose that you put £200 more in and still nothing!!!! Hey ho its my mistake my balls up no one else to blame. Wasnt even showing off to any guys or chicks like hey look at me £600 on black check out how swag and cool I am! I was just sat on the end of my bed cursing and throwing things and hoping my 28y old sister didnt wake up and come see me in the angry delluded state I had gotten into....she is in 11k of credit card debt by the way. An equally as dangerous thing as gambling. The belief that you can afford those le-bouton high heels at £550 and the fur coat and designer shades to match!

Anyways back to me, I have actually accepted now that they have won! C0RAL & Bloody William c*****g t**t FACE Hill has won! And I am ok with it! I really am. No more thoughts of chasing and definetly no actually chasing! Whenever I am tempted I will read this and say I am not tempted and I am not a hypocrite and will not gamble myself. (If I do gambe I wont be placing the bets will leave that to responsible people like my dad or something if I have that hunch on someone in the golf or something) We shalll see.....

Anyways they have won & I dont want another day like today doing what I have heard as "Dry Gambling" in this case I was playing free roullete seeing how many times I would win and how many times I would lose this imaginary stake of £1000 that I could have used from my credit card. It was 50% 50% which really didnt help so I came on here instead and burnt my dinner as a result haha!

Ok this is a long one but hopefully wont be using this site quite as much now I feel progress.....

Im sure my names been popping up too much for you guys liking. I also feel kind of stupid seen as it is a small amount compared to some. But im sure everyone starts at a small amount once and if they dont catch it or get drawin in one too many times it goes pete tong..

Good luck & thanks for all the fish!

Reddy! & I am Reddy to move on! (strong aroma of cheese their! haha!!)

Hi, Reddy,

Glad to see that you told your mother, well done for that. And I'm glad that you're ready to move on. But how can you possibly ask your mother to keep it a secret from your father? Please STOP. Stop thinking about your own wishes and think about what's best for them. Is your mother supposed to hide her distress from your father and lie to him about the cause? How will your father feel when, not if, but when he finds out? How will it affect their relationship?

Would you like your girlfriend to lie to you? Including lies by omission ie not telling what should be told.

It will cause upset and affect your parents, but "it" is the gambling, not the telling. They will need help and help is out there, via GC or GamAnon. Point them in the right direction but let them deal with their reaction and you deal with yours. Focus on moving on from the losses, show them what you're doing to overcome the problem. Don't ask for a bailout, it won't help, the money has gone and it's not coming back. Ask them to help you manage your money and to support you in your efforts to stop gambling. Most of all, be totally honest going forward.

Wish you well,

CW