how much can you support an addict? I’ve been by my partners side picking up the pieces for 8 years. I finally thought he was on the right path and after 18 months of being gamble free, he’s gone right back to it, not just one lapse but he won’t stop, every opportunity he has he will gamble. He now won’t have an honest conversation with me, he will lie through his teeth telling me he’s put blocks in place but he hasn’t.Â
I’m actually so sick of him and his behaviour. Ive been actively taking steps to support him because this is what HE wanted me to do yet he still continues to lose control over and over again, it all just feels a waste. I’ve tried my best to understand this is a disease but he tells me one thing and does another.Â
I don’t know how much longer I can put up with it.Â
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Hi
Often addicts need to be driven to meetings.
No one could stop me gambling that was up to me.
My wife told me that the money was not what hurts her but the lies and feeking so insecure.
I offered to hand over all our finances to her and I did so.
It really helped me after all the money was just the fuel for my addiction.
The addiction just indicated that I was e motioally vulnerable.
Addictions and obsessions were a kind of escape.
Only once I abstained from my addictions was I abale to start to heal the hurt inner chid in me.
The addiction and obsessions just indicated that the pains of my past caused fears in me that I could not fqace or reduce.
His lies indicate how much pain and fear he is living in.
Gambling for me was not a decease it just indicated that I was emorionally vulnerable.
My fears indicated that my hurt inner child needed to protect him self in a ahealthy way.
There are live Gamanon rooms and zoom meetings I do believe.
Sadly in recovery I found I had a hurt inner child in me and also my wife had a hurt inner child in her, both needed to heal.
Healing Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Hi @jade
Thank you for sharing with us what is happening to you right now.
You illustrate a very difficult situation that many people who are affected by their loved ones gambling harms are in or have been in.
I would like to let you know where you can seek support for yourself to help you negotiate the situation you are in, as I can hear your anger loud and clear, you sound at the end of your tether and perhaps don’t know what to do next.
Please consider getting some sessions with one of our practitioners who can support and guide you: Find local support - GamCare
And we also have this virtual group for women affected by someone elses gambling harms  https://www.gamcare.org.uk/news-and-blog/blog/way-forward/
You can also ask the helpline to refer you to these support options : 0808 8020 133
Do consider reaching out for more help as it can be hard to cope alone with this.
All the best
Jane
Forum Admin
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