hi, I am a 43 year old man , and I think I've been gambling since I was 11 or 12 . I started going to the penny arcades with my older brothers, and spending my paper round money in there, not just some of it all of it .Little did I know that would be the start of my gambling life. Even at that age I got a buzz ,winning some pennies, even a few pounds. At 14 I was into horses, getting my brothers to put bets on for me and yes winning again, it was always a win, as a gambler you'd only remember the win, and totally forgetting those losses, a win always got you 'high' and wanting more ..My late teens I married my teenage sweetheart , and at 21 I worked in a casino, as a croupier.3 years later my life came crashing down as I gambled our holiday money in the bookies resulting in my divorce , as my wife then went through a whole years bank statement and seen I spent a good 5k on gambling. Looking back I don't hate her for the straight divorce and not getting me help I needed, it was for the best and I went on my way ..Single life followed for the next 7 years, flitting in and out of relationships but nothing concrete, and myself changing my job path to something completely different and then my late 20's meeting my now 2nd wife whom I married in my early 30's ..We both have good jobs, good pay and we both enjoyed a flutter, going into a bookies, playing a fruit machine together and popping to a casino. We enjoyed our lives it was all under control, we had savings had good holidays and always had a nice house...Now with internet gambling about I started to play blackjack, roulette and bingo sites , and from my casino days I got into poker, money was flying out of my account and not enough going in to compensate our job earnings. I then had a lucky streak and won just over 6k from a series of football bets I had strung together. I think that was my downfall ,because I wanted more , within a month I'd wasted all of that , had a bank loan spent and maxed out a credit card ,I was in a spiral looking back of which that was very much going downhill...Only 2 years ago now , I opened up catalogue accounts and ordered whatever I could and sold them on e b a y ,all the money I'd received ended up in a bookie of some sort and I was by this time 30k in debt and couldn't find a way out .Now 8 months ago I approached a close friend who lent me 8k to get out of my catalogue hell because if you know someone who has one, its very difficult to get out of one because all a catalogue does is raise your limit every few months, it is never-ending !! Anyway back to that 8k I had borrowed , you guessed it I squandered it all, the whole 8k went in less than a week !!!!! looking back I was an a * s * and bet the lot just on internet blackjack .As a compulsive gambler you gamble to chase and I did that from the start, I was up only 400 in total but I wanted more, I wanted my 30k back to get me out of the mire I had gotten myself into, I didn't and the whole 8k was gone !!!!! Now from then I'm paying all those bills, credit card ,loan, catalogues and my friend , I am now at my wits end walking around the streets, thinking to myself what to do what to do !!!!!! Now after all this walking I end up on top of a cliff ,just walking and thinking then say to myself jump, it'll end it all, I laughed it off and went home. Now only a few nights later I'm absolutely drunk and I'm walking up the road to a path to the cliff ! I don't know how or what happened ,but 15 minutes later I am being woken up on the road by a passer by saying I had tripped over and banged my head resulting in me passing out .After a trip to A&E , I ended up home and crying my eyes out, was I going to kill myself !!??I'd never know , and I would have left my wife and 2 young girls without a husband/father ..Next day I confess to my friend(whom I borrowed the money off) about all I've done and the trouble I had got myself into ..Listening to me , my friend told me a few home truths ,lectured me and told me to get help..my friend paid off the catalogues and yes I owe them double but I've a good repayment scheme in place for me to pay everything off without me getting into debt or into trouble again !!
its taken me a good hour to write this, stopping and starting with a few sniffles in between of what could have been and my story hasn't finished yet , I've not been to the bookies in 15 days , I've done no internet gaming which I'm self excluded from every single site , and I have savings in the bank . I only came out to my wife a few days ago saying I'm a compulsive gambler and breaking down. She has told me too, to get help, which I've started to do ,I am seeing a counsellor this week and I come on here in the chat room and listen and to tell of my experiences .Surely for me the only way is up and if my story helps 1 person to admit their problems or get help, then I'm happy , well in a way it has helped 1 person..ME 🙂
I'm not going to lie i did get a little choked reading that myself!
i can relate to nearly everything you have mentioned and how self destructive this illness is. The problem is society don't see Gambling as a problem, it is portrayed as fun and not something that will spiral out of control once you are hooked. I don't have a family of my own but i'm 27 in 3 weeks i just want more from my life. Have thought about ending it a few times but have had friends do it and i know it would be the wrong thing to do. The hatred the lies the stress the anxiety sometimes i think is it actually worth it?! i have stopped Gambling for 3 weeks and so far i haven't had any real urges. I know they will come they can stay dormant and then just pop up out of nowhere! By admitting and getting everything out is the hardest i found, it sounds like you have a great support network around you and that is nice you have people that care 🙂
I wish you all the best with your recovery and look forward to seeing your progress. If you live in the London area try looking for the SOHO clinic it deals with CBT which is very interesting.
All the best
Sean
thanks Sean, well done to you aswell then, on your road to a recovery , you're a young man aswell,if I could go back and tell myself on my 27th birthday that I'll be in this situation almost 17 years later ,then I would have given up and have a lovely big house, probably a merc and a holiday home abroad, alas im far from that but hey ho..I hope I learn from my mistake(s).. I wish yourself a good path from hereon in ..I look forward aswell to reading your progress too..
oh btw im very south,but if I get to London, I will definitely check out that clinic ..all the best mate too
just read that there ave been trying chuck this for years am 27 and have worderfull girlfriend and 2 kids n ave been at same place am 16 days gambling free keep it up a started couisling last week 2 but ur nly person that can do it ow the best this can be beat a bookie cant
Together we can beat this ... My first counselling session tomorrow not sure what to expect hope it all goes well . Not gambled for nearly a week not gone this long in 20 years without a bet . I came clean last week & told wife everything nearly 8k lost in 7months no bills been paid & was only a few weeks away from losing the house .. Wife told her mother she gave her all the cash & told her to get me help so here I am .. Cannot go back to gambling again as I nearly lost everything family comes first the bookies can all go & f.. Themselfs .. Good look guys keep strong u r not alone .. Ps I will never tell another mother in law joke again ..
what can I say on the way to the counselling I went to the bookies and ive reset my day counter to 1 again !! im being honest because I thought i'd have 1 last go before I actually start, how selfish I am ,I was kicking myself during the counselling because the counsellor was a very nice man and listened to my childhood problems as I was growing up . I did say to him about the bookie visit and basically a line was drawn in the sand to start afresh from yesterday at 5p.m. so I am back to day 1 , only I can do this he said ,and yes and with help from my family and wife , I will get there !! I have promised my 2 girls a trip to Disneyworld America , and how dare I break that eh !!Again i am sorry to myself my followers and my family , that line in the sand oh its still there 🙂
Well its been a while,since my last confession as they say ..i am now on day 51,i will keep counting the days ,because if i dont count ,the incentive to gamble will be there, because i wouldnt care of the record im creating !! Again day 51..wow,even ive surprised and shocked myself in the progress i made and im making..i wish i had done a daily record of my path just before that because again i went down , gambled alot of money , was probably 5 days from going bankrupt and divorce ,probably losing contact with my 2 young children all because of that demon inside of a compulsive gambler..inside of me !! That rollercoaster ride problem was the lowest point of my life again ....These 51 days of non gambling has been difficult i will admit but its so far aswell been my most testing and enjoyable,ive done more recently with my family than ive ever done with them ..swimming , ice skating , bowling, meals out , even just walking through paths ive never knew existed around here . Its funny because if someone told me that a year back that i had a problem , i'd be seeking help and then giving up gambling i'd be laughing in their face.. Now what compulsive gambler would believe that eh !! Not me thats for sure,but look ive done just over 50 days and now its off to 100 ..i will check back now im on course for a bright future, seeing my children grow up and just enjoying life ...and yes gambling does ruin lives , end lives and creates life too ...
WOW WOW WOW...
I have a confession, theres no way on earth i wouldnt imagine i'd be on the 12 weeks milsestone from non gambling !! Thats right i have made it to 12 weeks thats 84 days non gambling..i am going to keep this short and sweet, and it was just a check in to tell the world how good i am doing and even now i have lost the internet urge to gamble..ive money in the bank and looking forward to christmas for the first time for years..so people if i can do it,hey even you can !! My motto is from now on ,gambling can end lives but also create life too ..heres to a fantastic future ,i will keep you posted ..heads up and be proud 🙂
Well done Lawrence
One day at a time mate, all it takes. Shamefully it takes hitting rock bottom for some of us to really look at our lives too see what's important.
You will recover, you will be out of debt, you will come out a stronger person.
Everyday I look for ways that I can improve my life, keeping mentally positive. Quality of life has not been this good in a long time.
Its also realizing that life can suck sometimes. Better to weather the storm than seek refuge in gambling. Stay strong mate!
ty matthew, it has been a struggle especially at the beginning but yes hopefully im on the right track and can just look forward rather than back ..cheers mate ,with your support too, we'll all be happy
You're inspiring me.......please keep up the strength.....I've just joined and this is what I need to hear.....although that many days seems such a long way away for me right now.......you'll be in for a fantastic Christmas at this rate....
ty freddie, and if youve read my threads ,there is obviously alot i have missed out ,in my dark days ..but freddie like i have put in my posts ,if i can do why cant you ..all the best with your road to recovery, come into the chat 8-9 every night..we dont bite ...well matt does 🙂 , all the best freddie
DAY 100 ....
Well, theres no way in a million years i thought i could and would make it to day 100 ..Anyway, like the gambling path the non gambling path sure is full of those up and downs indeed !! At the beginning you are hiding those urges and fighting those demons hoping that they dont surface and strike at any time ! Your tolerence and willpower kicks in and tries to overcome all urges and impulsives that it wants to ruin, all that youve strived for ,all that youve given up and all that you want ruined in one tiny moment !! Like i said i didnt believe i'd ever end up on this site like this, in this situation ,as a compulsive gambler and had a problem ,but hey im here and ive confessed my soul ...and ive come through it ok ..but only just !! It hasnt been easy i admit, what do you expect ive been gambling over 30 years , and to just stop just like that of course i am going to have mood swings , feeling depressed ,want that fix ..that will never go away ,BUT ,ive done my damned best to get to 100 days and i am proud of myself ,no one can take that away from me .In the chat room , an advisor said that i should celebrate and buy myself something ,i said no, thats being selfish as i was selfish when i gambled and wasted money ..i dont deserve nothing for this achievement ,i am still a father ,i am still a husband ,and i am still ALIVE !!That is my reward ,just being here for myself and for them !!
Great achievement on 100 days.
We have identical stories, down to borrowing money from a friend and squandering it on internet black jack.
Just really starting my journey of recovery, on 18 days at the moment and a massive debt outstanding but feeling good and your success is motivation!
Well Done. Keep it like that. Over 100 days now!!!!
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