Here starts my recovery

Hello.

I'm 35 y.o, married, from one of the eastern EU countries. Actually I have a quite serious gambling problem with live casinos. I used only live casinos because it helped me to think that the outcome is not controlled, however I doubt it. This "belief" made me addicted with the thinking that I can win much money to solve my debt problems, which come from unsuccessful business and wrong type of life before.

I started playing these casinos about 5 years ago. It wasn't very long and constant playing: usually it goes like 2-3 days and then I can forget playing (after BIG lose), for example, for a month, or even several months. The biggest "pause" was 1.5 years after another big lose. I won something, but then, the other day - just lost more than won and it created me only new debts.

Overall I have now about xxx debts, where about xxx was caused by gambling, by trying to solve other debts problem. Yesterday, after some win, during 2 hours I lost all that "win" and again my money from credit card about xxx. That's total trash...

I understand: this is a way to nothing. I just want to recover from that FOREVER. I know this is very bad, but I can't yet overcome my addiction... I feel really bad after each time I face with it.

I blocked most of my accounts, - but then, however, I found then new websites with the same 2 games I played always. I understand that my loses are even more, but this "hope" that I will win something big and stop (but I don't stop in fact) continued me to play these games again and again...

In fact, I have only addiction to these 2 games. I don't know why. For example, I don't go "slot machines" because as a computer programmer I understand they are rigged. Sport betting doesn't attract me because waiting is too long and there is almost no chance for a big win. However, despite understanding math of those "live wheels" which is against the player - I still continued playing...

I just want to stop this. Stop being loser, who can't control himself... I have now a remote job and some other a little income from my Internet-shops, which helps me more or less cope with part of the debt payments (nonetheless, I'm far behind my payments in time, because debts are too big). However, still have the illusion that one day gambling will solve my debt problems fast, but of course it won't...

I've started listening many audios/videos how to improve self-discipline, reading some books, going to a gym a little, I hope that I will develop my entrepreneurship to earn more money, but it a "long distance job", whereas gambling seems to be fast way, but in fact it's only loosing.

I feel guilty each time I lose, can't stop this, but hope it's possible to recover.

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Therefore, today I start my first day of the recovery. I'll try to post here all the progress and thoughts. I'll put efforts to discipline myself, and to get rid of all debts by working hard on my business, not by illusion.

I don't believe that gambling addiction is not curable. I've read many stories how people overcame this addiction, I believe it's possible to live another, better and happy life!

P.S. Would be really thankful for all the advice how to overcome this, thanks.