Hi I’m new and I really need help…

Dear Arabella,

You have come to the right place for advice and support and no doubt other Forum users will respond to your post. 

So very sorry to read that you have been through the loss of some very close people including your twin. I wondered if you have ever considered any bereavement counselling? You can find support through CRUSE (Home - Cruse Bereavement Support).

People often use gambling as a form of escapism but we do have lots of help, information, advice and support for you. 

We often hear people saying they have feelings of guilt or shame and this is something you will see others mention here on the Forum or in the chatroom. 

If you haven't already, please contact us on the Helpline (0808 8020 133) or via the Netline. We are available 24 hours a day 7 days a week. 

Please don't be alone with this. We are here for you.

Fay

Forum Admin

You know the first thing I would say to you is this. You need to talk to someone now. Please use the hotline here and have a conversation on the phone. You need to do that because you are in a low place and when you are in that state conversations with live humans are better than writing. Now if you do feel low that you have bad thoughts, you should think about your responsibility to your kids. They need you. There are no other options than to be there for them. They did not ask for this and frankly, they have the right to keep you around.

Things will get better. You need to have trust that you are here for a reason and that you are an important being. We all have a mission to learn things when we are here.

Shame is a feeling that goes away. All of this is just money. you cant get it back but you can go and get new money.

Have faith now. You will get better. Just decide that you will and you will.

Best

C

Hi Arabella and welcome to the forum,

You are not alone. There are many people here who have similar experiences and stories.  You will get good advice and support here. 

It sounds like you have been through a huge amount of trauma and heartbreak in your life.  Many people turn to gambling as an escape. Please don't be too hard on yourself.

As the replies above have said, it would be really good for you to speak to someone, either a Gamcare advisor or an organisation like Cruse or Samaritans.  It would really help you to talk things through with someone without judgement.  Use this time while your children are with their father to make the call.  You are important and you need to look after your well being.

You talked about not having money for food.  Could you visit a local food bank?  It may be an option for you and you can always donate a bag of food in return once you are back on your feet. 

Take care and keep posing. It is possible to recover and move on.

J 

Thank you all for your replies. I was up through the night putting blocks in place. I already access bereavement support, and have called Samaritans on a few occasions, I would never harm myself but know that I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t have children. In regards to the food bank, I have been donating to our local one on a monthly basis for the last few years however they only accept people who have been referred and I’m not eligible to receive a parcel myself unfortunately. I can’t believe what mess I’ve created, from the outside I’m sure I look like I have the perfect life but the reality is I’m such a failure! I guess with an addiction such as this, you don’t always realise it’s an addiction until you hit rock bottom? Maybe in the long run this will be a good thing, I just can’t stop worrying about how we are going to live until the end of the month. Thank you for listening. 

Morning Arabella,

Please call us on our freephone 0808 8020 133 so that our advisers can provide you with 1-2-1 support if you like.  The advisers can look at what support may be available to you near your local area.  They can also help you to access free blocking software and free treatment sessions.

You might also like to call Citizens Advice  to see what they suggest for your financial situation.

Adviceline (England): 0800 144 8848

Advicelink (Wales): 0800 702 2020

Scotland’s Citizens Advice Helpline: 0800 028 1456

Northern Ireland's Advice NI: 0800 915 4604

Take care,

Adam.

Great that you are putting blocks in place and  receive some bereavement support.

You are not a failure at all. You are human and  you have experienced unimaginable loss. 

This addiction does creep up on you and you often only realise later. The fact that you have acknowledged you have a problem is the first step. You can beat this and put it behind you. 

Very best wishes.

J 

Hi Arabella,

I empathise with you completely.

my gambling started after I lost my father and deteriorated horrifically after I lost my mother. I have lost huge sums of inheritance savings so I know that feeling of using gambling to escape grief. Counselling will help significantly and one to one help has led me to understand why I gambled and to be more sympathetic to myself. This is what you will have to do in your recovery. I urge you to be kind to yourself and understand that this happens to many others who have suffered bereavement. Your health and happiness and recovery is far more important than any amounts of money you have lost. It has taken me a while to realise this but it is essential in order to recover from addiction. You will find that you become a better and stronger person by understanding why this has happened and acknowledging that this is part of being fragile and human. Don’t feel shame but accept that this was how you coped with loss. Understand that and try and move on . It does get better ! Hope that helps