Hi - need help, hope this is the right place

Hi disaster, you've came to the right place for help. At least you're recognising a problem and know you will never win. I was in denial for ages on that. Put blocks in place so that you can not gamble. You can download software for your computer to stop the online gambling. K9 is a free one and your wife can set it so only she has the administrator code.

You might want to get her to take control of your money too, some people on here will be better placed to advise. This is a good forum with people speaking from experience and offering help.

I only made the decision at the start of this year to stop, I've made a couple of slip ups but help, advice and encouragement I find here. I've got money in the bank again (slowly but surely) and I'm able to start doing other things again in getting my life back to how it was. It feels good.

Gamcare are really helpful, they have a helpline number if you want to speak to anyone, they do meetings and support. It's about working out what your comfortable with in getting help. Good luck mate.

Hi Disaster, I have gambled for 25 years and have given up for small periods of time, but was always drawn back. For me the issue was that I could put up barriers to prevent myself from gambling which worked (short term) such as self exclusion etc. But once I became complacent, got back on my feet or the exclusions ended I would drift back into gambling sooner or later. This pattern repeated itself for decades.

I personally found that you need to put the barriers up in the short term, self exclusion, seperate yourself from your own finances, avoiding places to gamble - commen sense stuff. but to give up longer term and remove that connection with gambling you need to really focus on changing your lifestyle and my advice is to do that quickly via third party help.

For 20+ years I would walk about and have large amounts of cash in my pocket, I was an opportunistic gambler who would pop in an arcade or a bookies for 30 minutes after work, or if I was out and about - so I needed those gambling tokens in my pocket at all times so I could gamble whenever I wanted. Or if I was bored on a Saturday morning my default thing to do would be to go to the gym or to pop into town to buy something and Id spend more time gambling on there way there or back than I would spend doing the thing I left the house for . Or we would have a social event to go to and I'd go straight from work and lie about commuting delays to buy myself some time to gamble on route. So I was devious, a liar, unreliable and developed many different little habbits to make gambling quicker and easier for myself - just selfish behaviour 24 x 7.

I had backed myself into a financial corner 7/8 months ago and I had to confess. From there my girlfreind took control of all my finances so I couldnt gamble even if I wanted to, I attended GA, councelling and so on. The GA and the councelling helped me address the lifestyle and personallity change which was what I missed before. For example I gave up 5 years ago by self excluding, but I'd still carry a lot of money about (out of habbit) I was still selfish with my time (because its the only way i knew to be), I still didnt want to do things I deemed as boring (when you gamble everything else is boring) - so all I had acheived by giving up was short term access issues to my habbit. I was still a compulsive gambler with compulsive gambler behaviours, I had just put some temporary blocks up to get in the way for a while.

I will always be a compulsive gambler, but I now work very hard on not behaving like one and thats the thing that has worked for me. For the first few months I couldnt handle not having money on me, I felt like a child with pocket money, only carrying enough for lunch or a coffee (its been 8 months since I had more than a tenner in my pocket), but now I like it -its relaxing and normal. If I need something I can have it but I run it past my mrs and she gives me my money - 5 years ago I'd have seen that as ridiculous. But thats not too dis similar to how a lot of 'normal' couples are who dont have one as a reckless gambler. Most normal people dont carry half a months wages in their pockets at all times, most normal people discuss purchases, most normal people track finances very closely. Most normal people spend time as a couple doing things with freinds and family (I'd always be late or get out of it to gamble) and now I say yes to everything I can. I found it hard to begin with, but after a few months I started adapting to my new behaviour (which at first felt forced).

Now I can really enjoy chilling with a magazine in a coffee shop, or seeing freinds for lunch, or making a choice between a coffee or a cake because I only have £3 on me and I cant have both and I've saving up for something (like normal people who budget) - 8 months ago I'd have felt so penalised or restricted to live this way. But that is how 99% of people live and its normal. I just had to teach myself to be this way because I had never known it -but it was councelling and talking it out at GA that helped me adapt.

So definately take the advice you'll see all over this forum and self exclude, remove access to finances and so on. But if you are a repeat offender like me, once those barriers relax you'll find a way back like you always have. Those barriers need to be put in place to buy you some time, use that time to get some help that Gamcare can point you to (they will have a local partner in your area to give some free councelling - possibly for your wife too) and get some 1 to 1 assistance in restructuring your lifestyle and your outlook.

Dont slip into the trap of thinking that willpower or a bit of self exclusion might help long term, sounds to me you will be drawn back in like I always have. So you need to tackle it mate and good luck to you, you've started the road to recovery now

Good luck buddy.