How do I go on?

Hi Sam pleased you've came back to post, it's good to see you sound better than you did yesterday at this time. There is never a right time to tell anyone about this. I am the mum of a cg, he never told me, in fact he was in denial. I'm pleased I found out though as by me knowing has had a huge impact on his addiction even after a short time. He is now relieved it is in the open and is doing well. As you say your dad may be disappointed but he is your dad, he will want to support you all he can. You already have a plan of action, see even after 24 hours there has been a positive step in the right direction. Take care. Wcid.

Great to see you back here, glad you're attending GA and telling your Dad. It is hard telling a loved one, but it is well worth it as you will no longer be hiding your secret and that feeling is great. I hope your wife feels better soon; I know you have said she has problems with depression, has she seen her GP lately as she may need a wee review? There are other agencies who help people with depression (you may find something suitable here)

Wishing both you and your wife all the best xx

Hi,

My talk with dad went well, he was very understanding and I felt like a weight had been lifted. He doesnt think I should tell my wife given the state of her depression and I agree, although I am not sure if I am taking the cowards way out or not.

Thanks for the links Annie, I will have a look over them. She has just had a medication review and had her antidepressants upped, but its not making any difference. My wife has some physical issues that cause constant pain so her depression is understandable and is something we will need to live with for the moment at least.

I realised today that I have not gambled in 5 days and actually have had no urge, maybe I needed to get this low in order to start to get better, its just a shame it got this far.

Thanks for the support

Sam

Hi Sam pleased you feel relieved at telling your dad and that's great he is supporting you. Congrats on 5 days gamble free you have came along way since the start of the week. Wcid.

Well done sam....so nice to hear you are getting support....what a difference a few days make...xx

Hi Sam how are you doing. Hope all is ok. - wcid

Hi,

I am doing OK thanks, not great, but a million miles from where I was last week.

I didnt make it to my meeting on Friday as I had work stuff, but I am going to talk to my boss today, fill him in on whats been happening and how I am feeling and I am sure he will be OK with me taking a few hours on a Friday to go to a meeting. I have told my best work friend about everything and he will be going to the meeting with me this week, I am not sure if I will go in if I am alone, so he will make sure I do it. I am sure once I have gotten over the inital nerves I will be OK to go alone.

I have decided not to tell my wife about any of this, I knwo I probably should, but between my dad, my work friend and the councellor, I have support now that I didnt have before.

I am working on getting my financial info together and I will be contacting PayPlan or Step Change this week to try and sort out my debts.

Its been 9 days since I last gambled, the last time I went this long was when I was in the US for work last year, but I am not sure if I have managed this long because I dont have any money or if its because of how bad I felt last week, I guess I will know more when I get paid in 2 weeks.

Thanks for caring

Sam

Hi Sam I'm pleased to read you have gotten some more support. You have your plans in place so well done to you. I'm really pleased for you Sam. Keep going. Wcid x

Hiya Sam, you're doing great 10 days gamble free, you must feel so much better. I'm glad you have the support as it is so important that you are not embarking on your journey alone. Of course you have all of us on the forum on the same road, albeit different stories but essentially fighting the same demons.

Hopefully once you get your debts sorted you'll feel 10 millionsmiles from where you were in the beginning

Keep up the good work and take care, friend xx

Hello, Sam,

I was the wife who wasn't told for fifteen years plus, so not surprisingly I take a dim view of it.

The risk to your relationship is in the gambling and the deceit, remoteness, mood swings etc that go with it. The risk is not in the telling. She will know something's not right, she just won't know what it is. I thought, unfairly, that I was doing something wrong.

It's quite common for gamblers to quietly manage a short time gamble free without telling their OH. But genuine recovery is about honesty.

Your wife deserves better.

CW

Hi Sami, how's things? How's your wife feeling now since her tablets were changed?

Wishing you well pal xx

Hey Sam. ...you ok out there love xx

Hi Sami, we're still here if you need a chat. Take care xx

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Hi Sami, I really hope you are having the occasional look on here because I want to know that whatever you are going through, the chances are someone on here has been in the same position and will be able to give you support. If you are having a terrible time please give Gamcare a call or speak with your GP.

Please remember everybody has different experiences which influence their lives and actions and there are differing opinions on how one recovers from this horrid addiction. You do what you feel suits you and continue with the support circle you have created and, in time when you feel your wife's mental health is stable, you may feel able to tell her what's been going on and how you have dealt with it. There is no shame in protecting your wife when she is vulnerable and her mental health is fragile - in fact I think you are a great guy doing this - the time will be right at some point, but not just now.

I sincerely hope you are getting on well Sami, but if not get help and advice and remember we are here for you xx