I have to beat this.

I know exactly how you feel, ive been there many times myself and most of us on here will be able to relate to the gambling money having no value. You win and you lose and win again and empty it all back in again. At the time it seens normal and routine but looking back its astonishing really. Then comes the guilt and the shame.

At least you've taken the first step and self-excluded again - did you do the 5 years? Thats also great you have some savings and your Mum is helping you. Does she know about the gambling? Perhaps she could help you with your finances, even if its just a bit of oversight to reduce the temptation to deposit again. To me it sounds like you need other interests to help you break the routine, and help start to deprogram the gambler mindset. Personally I find it helpful to come on here whenever I feel triggered (like tonight, I just saw a 250/1 horse came in today and it got my nerves tingling!). For a while I couldn't really watch football without being more concerned about which player got booked, or how many shots on target etc. I also confessed to my nearest and dearest as well as close friends who I used to share gambling exploits with (mostly the highs, less of the lows) but I made them aware of my problem l, and made them promise to never put anything on for me no matter how much i tried to convince them and also asked that that stop sending me anything gambling related which i think has been a big help, and i also hid any whatsapp chats that coupons were shared in regularly, especially during big meets where I knew the screenshotting of coupons would be rife.

Without knowing you or your interests, off the top of my head, some things you might consider might be joining a library and picking up a book or two to read, or something like learning a language? Even getting a cinema card so you can fit something in after your late finishes that keeps you off your phone? You say you get your son at the weekend, maybe you could use the spare time (and money not lost gambling) to plan things to do with them, so it gives you something to build towards and look forward to and motivate you? Sorry, I truly hope this doesn't sound patronising, just trying to spark something to help you find something else to fill your time.

As for dating, please don't be so hard on yourself. You said you came out of a really toxic relationship and gambling was an escape - the compulsion to gamble is an illness but you can beat it. You're already on the right track. There are far more qualified people on here to provide advice but have you considered counselling? Your need to gamble sounds very much like it's linked to your loneliness and lack of self-esteem, which has probably been massively affected by your recent experiences, and perhaps speaking to a professional could help you build coping strategies and work on your self care. And keep coming on here, I find it a massive help to read others experiences and know I'm not alone in this fight.

Wishing you all the best in your recovery. Take care.