I have to stop now.....again

Day 47 GF and i’m In a really foul mood today. Nothing has happened apart from it being payday and a Friday. In my old life this would be a happy day and time to look forward to the weekend. Now I have to watch all the DD’s go out of my account and face another month of being careful with what money I have left. This is the life that I have created for myself with my selfishness and stupidity so I suppose I just need to suck it up and get on with it. I hate gambling so much that i’m Not even tempted so I suppose that is a positive. Have a good weekend all.

50 GF days not out, bring on 100.

53 days GF. Don’t really think about gambling anymore apart from when I read people’s stories on here. I think that has been a massive part of my recovery. Reminding myself everyday what this terrible addiction can do to your life. I still get depressed at the thought of the debts and my moods can shift in a blink of an eye, however the past 53 days has certainly made me feel happier in myself and concentrating on being a good dad and husband. My journey continues.

Well Done G100. Onwards and upwards

Thanks for the post on my diary. Just had a quick read of yours and it’s great to read about the struggle in the early days and how you’re now getting more control over things. Keep up the good work!

57 days GF. Took the kids to the seaside yesterday and had a great day with the family. We did end up in the Amusements though as the kids like playing the 2p machines to try and push some sweets off. I know it’s gambling but i’m Not counting that as I was only watching and they were doing it for fun.....until they didn’t win the sweets and kicked off. Hopefully they learn from an early age that it’s a mugs game. Anyway feeling ok and content with my journey, I can’t dwell on the past and need to focus on the future. Need to move house in a couple years so that is my motivation for now to not gamble again.

Things are definitely changing for the better. I’m now 59 days GF and England are now winning penalty shoot outs. Great stuff.

congratulations G100 on 59 days youre smashing this mate. Im at GF23 and its suprising how quickly the days mount up and you buzz off seeing the number increase as well as the obvious benefits of not having the gambling monkey on your back. I feel liberated like i am now in charge it feels great, theres a heatwave on, world cup quarter final and the football season starts in a month (well it does for teams outside the greed league). Life is Good. Keep it going mate

Thanks mate, 63 days now GF and England are in the WC Semifinals....happy days. I feel a bit down today though as went to the pub with mates to watch the game and the chat turned to people’s bets and they all know I love a bet. I then was asked why I wasn’t betting so I had to let the cat of the bag. My closest mates already know but now another 5 or 6 do and I now have this feeling of embarrassment and that everyone will now be talking about me and saying what a mug i’ve Been. I know that it’s true but I still don’t want some people to know about it. To be fair they was all offering my money but now I feel like a charity case. I politely decline as I know that is not the answer. I got myself in this mess so I need to deal with it and the embarrassment that goes with it.

Hi G100,

please don't be embarrassed, it is a very brave thing to do - admitting you have a problem. Also, this admission to another 5-6 friends just solidifies your commitment to your recovery.

Food for thought - just as much as these friends didn't know about your gambling problem, how can you be sure anyone from that group of 5-6 people doesn't have a gambling problem? Your admission might have been the inspiration for someone else to take action.

You are doing really well, you have the right attitude, be proud of what you've achieved and be proud you are brave.

Keep going, keep posting.

All the best,

Eva

Forum Admin

Thanks for your comment, however I still don’t like the way i’m Feeling and wish i’d Kept my mouth shut now. I’ll just have to try and forget about it and try and stay focussed on what I need to do.

I’ve been really emotional today. Happy on the outside but so upset inside at the thought of what I have done. I went a few weeks feeling happy but after telling a few more people about my addiction I now feel like a complete failure and a loser. I thought it would help but all it has down is remind me of the 5 year slog coming up clearing the debt. I hope this feeling passes again so that I can stay focused on my family as right now I hate myself again. I know I have to suck it up and ride the wave, but just hope these feeling go away soon as I know it’s only money and not important in the grand scheme of things.

Thanks for the post G100. Are you getting any help with your recovery except for using this forum? Gamcare counselling is something that has helped me tackle the mental/emotional side of the addiction not just the financial side.

You are doing great staying gamble free. Just a note to say there is more help out there to help you with the negative thoughts and slumps which are only natural.

Thanks TM1985, no i’m Just using this forum as my inspiration. Reading people’s stories is a real help to me. I’ve got GAMSTOP in place so in regards to gambling I know that I have cracked it at the moment. I hate it so wouldn’t even consider putting a bet on again. I do just have some ups and downs with my moods which I can only assume it’s down to the gambling debt that i’m Paying off. I think it’s just something that I will need to live with for a bit. I’m having a lot more happy days than bad days so I know that things are on the up. Thanks for commenting on my diary and let’s hope England can reach the WC final with a great win tomorrow.

66 days GF....it’s coming home.