I’m new, 20, female and feel dreadful

Hello @candlefence20 and thank you for sharing on the Forum,

Firstly, I am really sorry you are feeling this way, it is not easy dealing with problem gambling. Gambling is cunning, powerful, and baffling and without support can sometimes be too much.

Gambling can have a huge effect on your self-esteem and self-worth. If you haven’t already, I would encourage you to make an appointment with your GP to discuss your anxiety and the feelings you are experiencing, to gain the emotional support you need.

It also sounds like gambling has become an overwhelming feature in your life over the last year, it is all consuming. Experiencing the ups and downs, chasing losses, and that sick feeling, is not uncommon so you are not alone. This is why it is crucial that you start making some changes in your routine and lifestyle because that’s what recovery ultimately is – a complete lifestyle change.

Could I also give the details for some organisations that can offer some free debt advice and may be able to talk through some support surrounding your financial situation.

National Debtline – 0808 808 4000, www.nationaldebtline.org

StepChange – 0800 138 1111, www.stepchange.org

As I am sure you will find, the Forum is a welcoming and supportive space which allows you to talk to others who may also be experiencing similar issues to yourself.

Should you be in need of any further support with your recovery, please feel free to contact the helpline on 0808 8020 133 or via our live chat available from the website https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now/  both of which are open seven days a week, 24 hours a day and where one of our advisers will be able to talk, for as long as you need, and look at all the support available to you.

Wishing you all the very best and keep sharing,

Regards

Dan

Forum Admin

Hi Candlefence20 and welcome to the forum.

There is no shame in admitting to this problem and you are not alone. Yes these are horrendous times and the effects on your mood and anxiety is totally understandable.

How can I put this?...secrets are no good in making this addiction history. It will be a great help if you can tell a trusted friend or your family. You need help and protection and you learn more about this addiction. Im serious when I say your grant money needs  protecting and you need blocks...preferably supervised with monitoring as you give your mind a chance to heal.

Gambling is not for you. Its a destructive vice which creates addicts fast. Its NOT an income scheme NOR a get it back later scheme. Its a moment in time stacked well against you. It doesn't remember you or owe you anything. Its a mugs game and a tax on depression, anxiety and false hope.

You need help support and people to talk to. Do not bottle this up alone in your room as the addiction loves that.

Then you must use every thought process to find a bright side. Well done for going to UNI...I should have gone. If anything is overwhelming there find someone to talk to. If you dont think you are getting value for money...talk to someone

There is no shame in getting a health check and getting in touch with your real feelings

Are there any more part time jobs because you have to keep busy and active. I know its easy to say in these crazy, challenging times. I know its not like the drama group is open at the moment. Go travelling when you can and expand your mind...enjoy your youth

Use the university infrastructure to expand your interests which may shape your future as much as your course 

The gambling must stop right now. Keep using the forum and discuss your feelings. Its a drug addiction and you need to start learning about yourself while healing your mind.

If you are lonely or anxious talk about it. I hope you have family you can talk to.

You will not be judged about gambling when people understand its a drug addiction fueled by troubles in the soul

Talk about it! Dont bottle this up with a false pride...people can help you if you work with them. Im talking big measures like allowing them to receive and manage your finances for you

You will find a relief and serenity in reaching out and accepting help. Gambling addiction affects people from all walks of life.......even millionaires. You are one of millions with this problem...it isnt just you which should be a source of some understanding and comfort

The key is surrendering to a higher power and feeling NO shame in asking for help

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Hi

When your maintenance loan from uni hits your account next time make sure you give it to a trusted family member or friend otherwise you'll be at risk of gambling it away again. It a big chunk of money to get all of a sudden as you know. Break the trend and the cycle you're in. You're clearly not well enough atm to manage that amount of money. Thats not a criticism. You have a gambling addiction and impulse control is extremely difficult. Hope all goes well for you

Hi.

At your age what you have described is probably just an awful feeling to carry around. Now I am 33 years older than you and if my advice carries any weight I would say find someone who you could confide in with this. This place is a great place to make new contacts but it is online and that makes it a bit "onlinish". We are pack animals like it or not and that means that we do need interaction with others to feel better.  Another piece of advice is this. Now when you are struggling with the cash you will be building up an idea of what will happen when you get your next batch of cash in April. Look at it as a bottle filling up with soda. If you pop that cap with expectation when money comes it will be a huge trigger to go back to the game and chase more. How can you stay away? By getting into something else. Start to exercise your brains out till April now. Your mind and your body are one. If you sharpen that mind and body like one you will be in a better mental position come April. It will also take your mind of the game. Talk to counselors here: they give you the tools to cope.  The situation might take time to change but if you are taught how to think about it in the right way you generally cope better so give it a try. Be kinder to yourself if you fail. We are human. We fall down often and if we didn't fail we would not learn so be kinder to yourself. It will help you further down the road.

Last but not least. It is about attitude. If you decide that you can beat this. You will. It is not chronic. It can go away completely. Don't let anyone else tell you anything differently. And stop now. You are young. Going through a life of this addiction is not fun, for anybody. You have time on your side and you can be doing fantastic things. Gambling addiction is not one of them.

Stay strong stay safe and never surrender.

Best

C

@candlefence20

This is part of what you wrote.

"im looking for advice as I’m not willing to share this with my family out of pure shame and I want to put it all behind me and start fresh".

If you are not willing to share it with those close to you, how do you start afresh? At the moment this is just a problem financially for you, and all the time you have this financial problem you will see gambling as a way out of debt. If you have to keep up an appearance for the sake of others then the lying starts, if it hasn't already, and then the mental health becomes an issue. The stress of secrets, the pressure of not having any money, the temptation of having a living allowance in a few months.

There is no shame in having an addiction or asking for help because of it. In fact, and I've written about it before, it is this false pride that stops us getting help. It stopped me and being in debt was the least of my worries. 

Please talk to your family or even a counsellor at university. It's not too late to do so, and what you'll find is once you stop gambling, money goes a lot further than it did before, and life becomes manageable again.

Take a deep breath and talk to someone who can support you.

Chris.

Hi, 

Thought I'd reply to this as your story in very similar to mine. I'm female and in my mid 20s and started gambling during lockdown and whilst it was a short time compared to some people on here it was enough to go through my thousands of pounds in savings and get into some financial difficulty. I also (at this point anyway) have chosen not to tell family. 

My suggestion would be to get the blocks in place straight away. For me this was a fairly difficult step but I finally put the Gamstop and Gamban blocks in place for 5 years. This has been the biggest shift in my thinking and knowing I don't have the access has helped massively. I know some people will say that you should tell family, but that's quite a personal decision and it depends on your relationship with them. I will say though it may be a good idea to have one person know that you've struggled with this even if they don't know the full details. I have only told one friend but that is still one person that checks to see how I'm doing with it. 

If you're struggling financially then maybe get in contact with Step Change, even it's just using their online tool to help budget carefully and get you back on track. I know it's hard to accept the financial loss but it is something that cannot be changed now and you're still in a position to start slowly earning back your savings over time. 

I've also found regularly using the forum helps, even if it's just reading other peoples posts. Keep going, having your maintenance loan come in and being able to spend it on what you need/want without stressing about finances will be such a refreshing feeling! x