Hi all thank you for taking the time to read my post
I was lucky enough to find this site back in October 2015! Since then I regularly attend my local Ga meetings each week sometimes twice a week. Life became manageable again. Debt free which isn't important but helps, in august this year I relapsed back into gambling! Thought I had my barriers in place and really knocked me for 6. The hardest thing was admitting to the people I love about my relapse and has eaten me up ever since.
I took in all ga has given me over the time and got back to it! The fight is on everyday and I am an example of how we cannot be complacent.
Unfortunately I am not the only one in my family who has a gambling problem! Both my farther and brother in the past have had many issues with gambling but are unlike me and do not wish to seek help, I have a good job and great friends. I don't know how my mother puts up with it all! She is my best friend and my rock!
On December 23rd my brother called my family to says he has gambled 5k and cannot pay his rent for the month, with it being that close to xmas u can imagine what the last few days have been like. What they are unaware of on the same night I also relapsed. Financially not the same but the money is irrelevant!
I now find my self in a bad place mentally! I need to tell them what has happened to tighten the barriers but I think this could be the final straw for my family! Every month I have 75 per cent of my wages go out on standing order and this has kept me safe! However with the early pay over xmas this has been my downfall.
I am so fed up with gambling and even though financially I am not back to where I am the sleepless night and suicidal thoughts have all returned! I don't wish this feeling on anyone! I don't know how long I can take this addiction anymore it took 7 years of my life and have had a great last 2 years! Do I lie and hide it or do I destroy everyone's trust all over again! Either way some one will get hurt. I have more than I could ever of dreamed of since I started recovery yet I have gone back and let the compulsion win again! I have let my ga fellowship down but also my self! It may sound extreme to some but i would prefer not to be here than to live with this addiction! It's a killer.
GA has helped me rebuild my life and could not be more thankful to the fellowship
My names Jack compulsive gambler
Hi Jack, tell your loved ones & get back to the rooms mate. Keep working your program, really work it...No-one said it was going to be easy & no-one (except you maybe) wants you to be perfect. Making mistakes is proof that you are trying...You’ve lived this one, learn from it & move on.
My mother is also a CG, also in denial but what she does is out of my control...We are responsible for our own actions & just because they are still active isn’t reason for us to give up on ourselves. If your mum is struggling, encourage her to come here, use the GamCare helpline, get to a GamAnon meeting...Just because you have an addiction doesn’t mean you can’t be there for her too.
My name is Kelly, I am a compulsive gambler...JFT, I will not gamble - ODAAT
Hi jack I'm wife of a cg. The secrecy and lies are harder to deal with than the money. If my cg had confessed he would have had support. It's best to be honest you will feel so much better. I'm under no illusion that gambling addiction is the worst, the hardest to beat. There are very few in GA who walked through those doors and never had another bet. It's how you deal with it. Keeping it secret allows you to continue. You are not a bad person, you are human. Block that gap in your defences and as Odaat said get to a meeting. There are more parents in my gamanon room than wives. If your mother doesn't already go, maybe that will help her.
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