Hey guys
I'm 27 and I am a compulsive gambler.
When I was younger I always used to have a £1 on my favourite horse in the Grand National - other than that I don't really come from a gambling background. My dad did used to put on the odd small bet, but nothing excessive. I was introduced to gambling back in sixth form when we played poker for 20p. My addictive personality meant I explored the game and improved my skills. For anyone unfamiliar, poker can be +EV if you are good as it is a skill game. Unfortunately for me I combined that with winning big on my first ever visit to a casino with my mates. When you're 18 living at home, money isn't too much of a worry. I lost my £5 free bet but then put my own £5 on #2 and it spun in. That was it.
I had a very good education at school getting six A* and five A at GCSE followed by three Bs at A Level. I threw away my uni education by staying indoors to play online poker instead of attending lectures. Gambling with my student loan was some kind of escape from the responsibility of having to live on my own and cook etc (I lived on Ginsters slices for those ~9 months).
I continued to gamble at home - loss chasing became a massive issue. Online roulette, the live casino option, was the major problem and I would so often get into the cycle of making repeat deposits. This all built up into actual casino trips, thinking nothing of taking £1000 out at a time from the cash desk, even though my salary was just £17,500 per annum (£1,280 a month take home).
I ended up taking out bank loans - use the option 'loan to refinance debt this bank' and it took five minutes before the money hit my account the next day.
My lowest point was losing a large sum on Christmas Eve 2014. I then followed that up on New Years Eve by repeating the cycle at a casino.
Eventually I blocked all online accounts and self excluded from the casino, but this was easily reversed later on. I came clean to parents who loaned me the money to pay off the bank loans. I wrote down conditions on a bit of paper about them checking my accounts and so on - this was done for around six months but that eventually stopped and I gambled again. I too had to come clean and was met with comments from parents (who I still live with) saying I've lost all their trust etc etc. What did I do? Relapsed again.
I had a naive delusion that this year I could change and just stick to sensible horse racing betting, logging everything on a spreadsheet and eventually tell them later this year that it was easier to do this then quit all forms of gambling altogether. How stupid I was. It only took them to go on holiday, leaving me on my own at home, for me to use the lack of accountability to go and visit casinos again and lose even more.
THIS HAS TO STOP NOW. I've never been to a GA meeting - I feel like what I'd hear there would be exactly what I hear on this forum? Also, I think my addictive personality and other traits (lack of s*x drive, being happy in my own company, being intelligent but poor interpersonal skills) may be a sign of some kind of mild form of Aspergers. I'd be interested to hear if anyone else here has this sort of personality disorder and if it negatively affects them.
I have some antepost bets for Cheltenham and 1 for the Grand National that I have already placed - once these events have run their course though that will be that. My last placed bet/spin was Sunday 24th February.
What saddens me is I really do love the games of poker and the sport of horse racing, not just for the betting but for the horses themselves, the stable girls etc associated with them and the stories. I know for a fact that I can be and actually am profitable in both, as they are both value if you know what you're doing. But I just cannot play them as invariably they lead to casino gaming and the roulette wheel really is the reason why I don't have a pot to P**s in. It's a shame, but I urge anyone in a similar position who thinks they can gamble sensibly and stop doing their money on other games to quit altogether - I've tried and it doesn't work.
Hi the personality traits you think you have are very commonly associated with compulsive gamblers. You isolate yourself to gamble, you are unaccountable to anyone. You have no idea what a GA meeting will be like you've never been. It's a real place with real people. You are so consumed by your online world that you think this forum is the same as walking into a room. It isn't. I've watched my husband do all the things you have. Convinced himself it's ok to gamble just a little. It took him until he was 48 to realise he can't gamble. Sneaking around, isolating himself, full of anxiety, depression, lying, ignoring his family. You sound like you know what you're doing, you've convinced yourself that keeping those last bets active is fine. It's not. You feel this way because you gamble and gambling has damaged you. Get your blocks in place. Join gamstop, hand over finances, no more bailouts from mum and dad, get some support and advice from gamcare, find a meeting. This is no way to live.
Hello....I recognise similar traits in myself minus the intelligence! Key is to make a choice that you do not want the evil that is gambling in your life. Compulsive gamblers cannot control the feelings that gambling unearths...Speaking personally you just come to a point where the reality is either the humiliation, embarrassment and sheer stupidity of the affliction can either destroy you or you choose to fight it. The problem is that by the time one gets to this realisation one has lost so much more than money. Keep strong and don’t give up
Merry go round wrote:
Hi the personality traits you think you have are very commonly associated with compulsive gamblers. You isolate yourself to gamble, you are unaccountable to anyone. You have no idea what a GA meeting will be like you've never been. It's a real place with real people. You are so consumed by your online world that you think this forum is the same as walking into a room. It isn't. I've watched my husband do all the things you have. Convinced himself it's ok to gamble just a little. It took him until he was 48 to realise he can't gamble. Sneaking around, isolating himself, full of anxiety, depression, lying, ignoring his family. You sound like you know what you're doing, you've convinced yourself that keeping those last bets active is fine. It's not. You feel this way because you gamble and gambling has damaged you. Get your blocks in place. Join gamstop, hand over finances, no more bailouts from mum and dad, get some support and advice from gamcare, find a meeting. This is no way to live.
I've always been a rather quiet and introverted individual even before gambling so I am not sure about that.
I don't see what good it would be giving my betting slips away- there are numerous tests in life and if my bets did win then it would be a good test collecting my money and not gambling it in two weeks time. My previous longest GF stretch was just over a year (2015-2016) so I know I can do it.
My main problem now is live casino trips and bookies. With the FOBT restrictions apparently coming in soon that should help and then it's down to willpower to not go to the casino. No more bailouts will come from parents. I only have one online account and as soon as those aforementioned bets pass I will get Gamstop.
Thanks for sharing your story r99c.
Prior to becoming a non gambler in February 2016, i endured a 4 year spell whereby i deluded myself into thinking that I was able to control my gambling. Like yourself, I enjoy horseracing (NH in particular) and the Cheltenham Festival was always difficult during times of abstinence. In the winter of 2014, after abstaining from gambling for nearly 6 months, i started again. I managed to 'win' a fair bit of money (this was December 2014) and placed numerous antepost bets on the Cheltenham festival. I convinced myself that i would not gamble again until the festival the following March. However, a couple of days passed and before i knew it I'd slipped into my old ways. The money that I'd 'won' had gone and before i knew it i had accumulated more debt.
The antepost bets that you've placed will not allow you to escape from gambling. These bets will constantly be in the back of your mind and will trick you into thinking that gambling gives you genuine pleasure. Make no mistake about it, gambling gives us no genuine pleasure and the fundamental key to becoming a non gambler is a change of mindset.
I was able to change my mindset to gambling by reading Allen Carr's 'The Easy Way to Stop Gambling'. This book completely opened my eyes to the world of gambling. Instead of thinking 'i can't gamble anymore' my mindset is 'thank goodness i no longer have to gamble'. Carr's book will not work for everyone but it completely changed my life. I have never attended a GA meeting, however, thousands of people do and it works wonders for them. I have researched gambling addiction in great lengths since becoming a non-gambler and all options should be kept open. GA is essential to the recovery of so many CG's and can't be ruled out.
All the best with your recovery.
Cheers Duncan
What I mean are the bets were placed before I came out of my delusion. Im now under no illusions and just mentioned them as if they win I will go and collect. And do my very best to avoid the temptation it will bring.
I just tested myself today by walking straight past the bookies with money in my wallet. I spent just over a fiver on four cans of beers and some chips from the chippy. I didn’t give into temptation and saw that as a win. Being new on this forum certainly helped my resolve but here’s to it continuing
Hi
The personality traits you describe are common to many different diagnoses. I am very similar, consistently scored top in the class, detest social situations, rather emotionless, last time I was intimate with anyone was ~5 years ago, etc.
I did previously 'self diagnose' with possible Aspergers then changed that self diagnosis to schizoid personality disorder. However, a couple months after stopping gambling, combined with visits to a therapist, the symptoms are slowly going away, which has been a shock to me when I expected to be like that forever. I now realise depression and childhood trauma can also result in the same symptoms, which are then exacerbated by gambling fog.
Anyway, I used to do antepost bets almost exclusively, and took them to extremes. I did eventually sign up to Gamstop after my last group of bets settled (a month after placing them), and it's been the best thing I have ever done.
Hi R99c , I understand it is difficult going to Ga but have you considered different options if support ? Loads of info on the forum , do you have blocks in place to help you ? I have told myself countless times that I would stop gambling but only once I started to put blocks in place and a few relapses did I realise that I had to give full control of my finances and really put every effort in to stop me from my gambling demons , already you seem to be thinking about that win on the bets you have open .... but really you should be thinking of getting them refunded and blocking any access to the accounts, I have messed up so many times and I hope this all works out for you
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