Hi there,
I have been a gambler for about 10 years. I have always been one to say that time goes quick, which it does. But when i look back over these ten years in my life of gambling, it has gone incredibly slow. It has been one hell of a rollercoaster, most definately the most craziest one i will ever experience.
There has been a countless amount of times where i have hit rock bottom. I never thought that rock bottom could be hit more than once, but each time it felt like rock bottom, i realised it wasnt because the next time would be much lower, and i just kept experiencing the new rock bottom, the last one been yesterday morning.
It all started when I moved to a different city to study. Living in student accomodation not knowing a single person. I became friends with the guy who was in the room next door to me. One saturday morning he knocked and asked if i wanted to go into town, and i agreed. It was just typical roaming around getting to know the town together, upon our stroll he stopped at a ladbrookes and told me to wait outside. I knew it was a gambling place and just associated it with betting on horses, so vulnerable to the whole situation. I wish i listened and stayed outside, but in i went. I was watching him on a maching, playing roulette. I instantly took a liking to it watching the ball spin around, and anxiously waiting to see if the ball would drop on one of hes chosen numbers. Its like i understood and loved the game and the feeling of it as soon as i set my eyes on it. I saw the machine next to hes one and put a bit of change in it. From two pounds i got it to nine, and took it out feeling pleased. This was the beginning....
I started to go more frequently, it went from lunch breaks and weekends been in there to casinos at night. When we would go out at night drinking and clubbing, the normal things students do, at the end of it i really wanted to gamble. Thats when the thought of casinos crossed my mind and we just used to go there many nights in a week too. The feeling of live gambling on tables compared to the machines in bookies, was very different. The fact i could have a drink in my hand, and just gamble away with so many other people around me doing the same thing, made it feel normal and not wrong.
I used to win so much at the beginning, and gradually i would start to hit big losses. This is when the whole chasing scenario started in my life. The chase would just not stop. Troughout these ten years, I have never stopped chasing. I have been given so many chances and bailouts, i took them and i did change. But then suddenly at some point down the line, whether its 3 4 5 or 6 months i havent gambled, I would find myelf back there, and it would start all over again.
It went from bookie to the casinos and then online gambling and then to smart phone gambling which could be done anytime and anywhere, without anyone realising. Sports betting got involved and made it a whole lot worse, I used to love sports but now i only associate it with gambling and dont actually appreciate the sport.
My family have helped so much, bailed me out so many times, and i know for a fact that other people in my situation where the extent i have lost, have ended up in jail or other bad situations. But because of my family, I didnt need to do alternative things to pay my debts, they financially stuggled themselves to dig me out of my hole. But then i would just keep digging.
Now I have a decent job with so much potential, and earn a decent amount of money. I went nearly 8 months without placing a bet. But a few months ago it started all over again, everything i saved just went down the drain, and all that time of rebuilding myself was in vein because I feel that dirty disgusting feeling and have ruined everything I saved.
What the hell am i supposed to do? Yes i know i should start over and take it one day at a time. But knowing i did this so many days and it just takes one day to mess it all up, Its like living ife in fear dreading that day or moment you will give in and put yourself back to square one.
I am so d**n lost, and sick of it. Im supposed to be getting married in a couple months, I had it all covered. I still will be able to manage it but It wil be alot of stretching and this is providing I dont gamble again.
I have read so many of your storied over the last couple of days and could relate to so many situations. I have always been a reader, never written anything of my own situatuon. But reading all your stories, i dont feel alone. It seems like a family here and i want to be part of it, as much as i want to see myself into a better situation, i want the same for each and every single one of you.
Day 2 of not gambling, bring it on.
God help us all.
Rayan.
Hi Rayan,
Welcome.you have come to the right place for advice.
Block all your devices with K9 (download for free) and have someone set the password for you and keep it secret. Give a trusted family member entire control of your finances (the person you are marrying if they know aboout your problem). Self exlude from all local bookies and casinos. Seek counselling via Gamcare and if you can attend GA meetings locally all well and good.
You can keep a Diary on the Forum and or do the 2015 Challenge.
What I'm saying is get as many obstacles or barrers if you like so that you cannot gamble when you have the urges. It is very much one day at a time (as I've found out). I do the 2015 Challenge on here and I am on Day 37 free of gambling. The Challenge has helped me greatly and by looking at other people's success really spurred me on. I'm still very determined not to go back to my old ways. You too can become very determined as well.
It seems to me that you know that your whole future depends on how you move forward from here on in. You have a job and very soon you will be married. Many young people would almost die to be in the position you are in. You can still have a fine future ahead of you without the nightmare that continued gambling would undoubtably bring.
It's great that your family have at least kept you out of police hands by financing you. From a stranger's perspective all they have done is prolonged your agony (and theirs really). From your post it does seem as though they knew you were gambling. They seem very loyal and great people by the way. I feel you now owe it to them to prove to them that you are worthy of that loyalty.
Most of us on the Forum have felt the disgust that you describe along with guilt, depression and feelings of worthlessness that gambling losses inevitably bring. You know that you are not alone in having the feelins you describe.Those feelings lift as each gambling free day goes by and your thinking becomes much clearer. You will become quite proud of yourself after a while and the urges for most people subside and eventually fade away completely.
Anyway Rayan, Although you say you have lost all your savings it does not look as though you are NOT piled out with gambling debts so that is good. You are earning good money and that should stand you in good stead for married life. You also appear to have a very good family network.
I've given you all the advice that springs immediately to my mind. If I have missed something then other people may give you some ideas.
Take Care Rayan. You can give up gambling for good.
Hi Rayan,
Welcome.you have come to the right place for advice.
Block all your devices with K9 (download for free) and have someone set the password for you and keep it secret. Give a trusted family member entire control of your finances (the person you are marrying if they know aboout your problem). Self exlude from all local bookies and casinos. Seek counselling via Gamcare and if you can attend GA meetings locally all well and good.
You can keep a Diary on the Forum and or do the 2015 Challenge.
What I'm saying is get as many obstacles or barrers if you like so that you cannot gamble when you have the urges. It is very much one day at a time (as I've found out). I do the 2015 Challenge on here and I am on Day 37 free of gambling. The Challenge has helped me greatly and by looking at other people's success really spurred me on. I'm still very determined not to go back to my old ways. You too can become very determined as well.
It seems to me that you know that your whole future depends on how you move forward from here on in. You have a job and very soon you will be married. Many young people would almost die to be in the position you are in. You can still have a fine future ahead of you without the nightmare that continued gambling would undoubtably bring.
It's great that your family have at least kept you out of police hands by financing you. From a stranger's perspective all they have done is prolonged your agony (and theirs really). From your post it does seem as though they knew you were gambling. They seem very loyal and great people by the way. I feel you now owe it to them to prove to them that you are worthy of that loyalty.
Most of us on the Forum have felt the disgust that you describe along with guilt, depression and feelings of worthlessness that gambling losses inevitably bring. You know that you are not alone in having the feelins you describe.Those feelings lift as each gambling free day goes by and your thinking becomes much clearer. You will become quite proud of yourself after a while and the urges for most people subside and eventually fade away completely.
Anyway Rayan, Although you say you have lost all your savings it does not look as though you are NOT piled out with gambling debts so that is good. You are earning good money and that should stand you in good stead for married life. You also appear to have a very good family network.
I've given you all the advice that springs immediately to my mind. If I have missed something then other people may give you some ideas.
Take Care Rayan. You can give up gambling for good.
Having problems with the internt. Sorry about the duplicated posts.
cheers mrstop, Its ok, reading it twice is probably more benificial for me, feel free to duplicate it a few more times.
Thanks for the advice, from all the other stories i have come accross and read, i have noticed you give alot of advice and try to help almost everyone you can. That is really good of you. Your response to me makes me feel someone is interested in my story and acknowledges my pain and struggle, that alone helps. So thanks you again, also well done for been 37 days free of gambling and i wish you all the best with it and hope you continue this positive journey. I feel it will help me, i will be following so dont give in because your the first inspiration I have come accross here.
I have already installed k9 and got my partned to do it all. I found it very hard t find a solution to stop gaming sites from my i phone, but called apple and found a solution for that too.
I had a busy schedule today but cannot be bothered to leave the house. Took a day off. This is always how i deal with my losses, itl take a few days of depression and staying at home, having a few drinks in evening. After I would get back to work, do as much overtime aswel, recover loses or atleast get back to a stable position, and then down the line where i feel i am comfortable again, I would just do it all over again.
But this time I have taken this measure to join this forum, so im hoping this will be a great contributin to not falling back in the hands of the dirty addiction.
cheers
Thanks for your comments Rayan.
Hi rayan, good luck with abstinence. Could you tell me how to block gambling on iPhones? I got rid of laptop to stop gambling but haven't found a way to block them from my iPhone
Hi there,
With the iphone its a bit difficult and long but worth it, you can set up restrictions but you neeed a partner or somebody to do it for you. You go to
Settings
General
Restrictions
then it will ask for the passcode you have alrady set up in the past, or if you havent set one up then you get your partner/family membr/friend to set up the four digit passcode. Once the passcode is in they go to
website
then go to
never allow
and then start entering all the gambling sites which you use. My partner happened to spend many hours putting a 100 or so websites that i didnt even know that existed. The only way this could be reversed after is with that passcode. So long as you dont know it, you wont be able to enter any of the sites which you have entered in the never allow section.
Hope this helps
Good Luck
Rayan
Great. Thank you for that information I will ask my partner to do this for me
I'm getting this urge to drive an hour to the nearest casino, get a double JD and coke, and alternate between blackjack and roulette until I win a few thousand or lose a few thousand. Just those couple hours of buzz. Craving it so badly.
see sometimes it would be the whole casino vibe I'm feeling, and at times it would be chilling in comfort at home n opening the laptop or just using this very phone , for the gaming or sports events I can see on TV.
But I'm going to sleep I just thought maybe getting it off my chest by writing it here rather than actually going through with any gambling might help.
sorry for this late night outburst. Hope you all are doing well.
Goodnight
Thanks free for your comment. Looks like we stopped our gambling on the same day, day 4 now. Keep it up!
I HATED them early AM urges to go to the casino, you feel your stomach 'twisting' and 'clamping' feeling it's your day...but even when it was your day to win, what happens, it all goes back! Well done for going sleep...day 5 for me, feeling really possitive, stay out, imagine we're all blocking the door....I'll never step foot in there again, because I don't want to let anyone down ,especially myself....been doing this too long and lost far too much, be strong, be successful...keep us posted on your achievements! every day is a win when you're not gambling, WIN BIG MY FRIEND!
Keep going Rayan. Don't give in. You've got a great chance a life. A good job. Good potential. Don't waste that hard earned money and see all the others prosper around you... I've been that mug. Don't do it to yourself. Stay strong.
Have I gone mad? I put 80 pounds down a drain today because that's what happened to be in my pocket and I saw a bookmakers. That's the measure I had to take not to go in! Have I actually lost it in the mind? Or it was the best thing to do. I don't feel as bad as losing it thru gambling. It just makes me question my mental state to do such a thing when i have got actual things to be paying for.
Any way atleast I can say I'm day 5 gamble free now
rayan wrote:
Have I gone mad? I put 80 pounds down a drain today because that's what happened to be in my pocket and I saw a bookmakers. That's the measure I had to take not to go in! Have I actually lost it in the mind? Or it was the best thing to do. I don't feel as bad as losing it thru gambling. It just makes me question my mental state to do such a thing when i have got actual things to be paying for.
Any way atleast I can say I'm day 5 gamble free now
Probably the best thing to do is not to have 80 quid on you when you don't need it. Literally throwing it away isn't the answer though.
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