Hi, I have been on this site all day and it has really helped take my mind off the slots. I started gambling last October when my partner got a huge wage rise, this meant I could start working part time (mainly so I could be here for our young son more) however it meant my wage dropped from £1400 to £740 a month. I have gambled for around 2.5 years always small amounts, iv had some great wins that have paid for a lot of holidays ect. Always of small deposits. However since the job change my betting habits changed. I was bored. I felt worthless as I wasn't earning anything for myself anymore and after bills and food shopping had very little left. My partner would always buy me whatever we needed but I hated asking. I still do. He is driving a brand new Range rover evoque and has 3 credit cards. I can't even drive and have a credit rating that bad I'm surprised I can even get a mobile phone. This was from stupidity when I was 18. I feel I have nothing. Except my family. SO my bets stared getting bigger but I obviously didn't have the money to cover them, 2 of my partners 3 cards were maxed anyway due to holidays, treats and him losing 6.5k on football bets last year however they are both 0% he had another card that is APR 24% which had around 2k on it at he time. I decided I would use this and try get the big win to pay the other two cards off.. This did not happen. The first time I lost just over £1000 I broke down and told him after a few weeks, he took it exceptionally well and told me not to worry just don't do it again. after this I realised he still wasn't checking his balances and thought I could make up for it and 'win' of course I didn't, my secret gambling lasted around 2 months over which I lost just under 5k.. I couldn't tell him about this I was terrified. He found out when he realised his card was maxed. We had a huge row I tried making excuses and promised I would never do it again. We were having a drink together one night and he decided to say we would put £100 each on me on slots him on football. I agreed. This was also on the credit card after we had balance transferred some of the money from me maxing it out leaving around 2.5k free on it. I lost. He won but it went into his debit account and he only doubled his money. After that I was hooked again because I had lost and couldn't accept it, went on a mission again £30 here £50 here then the £100 one after the other spins going from £1 up to £5 thonk My just land on a bonus I can pay this card off and he will forgive me. It did not happen as it never ever does. I am completely done now I told him yesterday and ended up walking out as I thought they were better off without me. He just got angry with me as is expected, his parents were coming round for the evening and I was supposed to be making a big dinner this obviously didn't happen (as I was sitting on a canal bank in tears) I came home an hour or so later after a few angry and apologetic txts to see he had told his parents what I'd done. They then sat there all night in our house making me feel an inch tall, I had to go upstairs out of the way as I felt so alienated. I have had a txt of his mother this morning, the whole disappointed/angry txt which would be fine except I don't feel it's her business. It wasn't my families business when he lost all the money and they did know they just didn't judge or treat him differently. I am so upset and angry with myself but determined this is it. I have told my own family what I have done which was a huge step. I feel confident about this because of myself no one else. Gosh what a rant. I suppose I really needed to get that out
hi bexsta getting stuff of your chest is what the forums are for I've recently joined the forums myself and have found a lot of useful help and advice so far so make sure you take what people say on board. Wish you all the best in beating this demon addiction that's we all have
It was wrong of him to tell his parents in the way he did and for them to belittle you, but you mustn't let them do it anymore. Try to find a GA meeting, preferably one with a Gamanon for f@f affected by gambling. We've only been going two weeks but I already feel so much better. My mum knew of my husbands gambling, and after she died, my dad was reading her texts and found out about it that way, but he knows it's my marriage, my problem and he isn't going to interfere. Once your partner has calmed down, maybe he too will see that and get his family to understand. But try to think of it as a good thing - the more people know, the less people you have to worry about alienating and the more people who can eventually support you.
Hi Bexsta
Please ring gamcare as many times as you like because the one to one voice and advice they give is great.
Well done for writing that and its going to be a new start with honesty and openness.
I feel as a family you need to realise that gambling is a deadly serious addiction. You mention not having things and not liking to ask. All these trigger points are perhaps linked to low self esteem and depression.
Gambling is not the answer to having more money. It is not an income scheme. Material things will not fill any emptiness you have inside You mention wins but your story reads as maxed out credit cards and football losses by your partner. It reads of angst, debts and a certain unhappiness with life. I know gambling is a losing game which ruins lives. I know slots and they are a total mugs game. I know how highly addictive they are because they are programmed that way.
You mention range rovers and wage rises as if thats your stability. However gambling can and will ruin you faster than anything.
I didnt have a pound to lose but I used to gamble because I was addicted and ill with it
If your partner gambled as well as a family it would take you longer to realise how deadly gambling can be. Its an addiction based on mind control and chemical highs. The mind ignores the real odds because you are addicted to the feeling of playing.
He shouldnt have told his parents though and you will need to sit down with each other and talk your relationship and a gambling problem through
You must start recovery and get your pride back. What I worry about is you dont need to be near any gamblers during your recovery.
Keep talking about it and you need to be ready to totally abstain and put blocks on. Its not healthy behaviour and you need to recover a healthy state of mind
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Thank you so much for your replies. Reading them genuinely helps! Writing that was very difficult for me.. I realise completely now I have a problem I never saw it as one before. I am so committed to quitting and feel great that my family know about my problem now, what an absolute relief 🙂
I agree I mentioned him stopping gambling last night, I think as Iv just lost this money again on his credit card it's too raw for him. He snapped and said he doesn't have a problem so I explained if he wants me to take quitting seriously he has to realise this is an illness. I hope and think he will come around when the dust has settled.
I am unhappy because I feel I have nothing while he has everything, we can afford to pay the debts off if we stick to a strict payment plan which we will be starting next payday. Have also sacrificed this years holiday as we need to pay debts and I know now that gambling is NOT going to pay for them.
I am waiting for correspondence on a local gamblers anonymous meeting and am actually really looking forward to going and speaking with others.
I have also found so far that pressing safari for the Internet and having this site pop up straight away (because I don't close it down) has so far helped.. I would normally go straight to the address bar and search for free spins or bonuses in my inbox or type in one of my favourite sites. Seeing GAMCARE pop up makes me think, stop. It's not going to work. So I read stuff on here instead 🙂 it's brilliant.
The funny thing is I used to work in a bookmakers and saw so many people lose so much money.. I know exactly how fobts work and have never touched them because of the destruction they cause. But online slots to me are like an itch I cannot scratch its immense the overwhelming feeling I get to play! I will beat it though and already feel as though I am getting better. Long road ahead though.
I am still furious he told his parents, I have told him this as well. Obviously with his prior gambling problems i feel he should understand more, however in his eyes he doesn't have a problem because his wage allows him to gamble 'freely' and 'for fun' but the 300-500 he spends a month could go to so much more. I think since his wage rise money has become a novelty to us. This is a habit that is going to be just as difficult as gambling to snap out of. Everyone on the outside must think we are so lucky but we have nothing to show.... YET!! Hopefully a few months down the line everything will change.
Thanks again everyone it's so refreshing being here after what Iv done
Hi Bexsta,
Thanks for being so open in your opening post. I got myself into around £12-£15k of credit card debt, probably the selfish pig I was before owning up to my problem I thought I could afford to lose that money, paying it off over 3-5 years no problems or I could add it to my mortgage. But whatever your circumstances its a hell of a lot of money that's been wasted lining the pockets of the already rich bookies. For me all windows and doors in our house could have been replaced, plus the new bathroom suite we are saving for.
Honestly if you enjoy this forum (like I do) you will find GA meetings very interesting. There's nothing to fear, no forms to sign, everyone in there is a CG, from all backgrounds of life, listening or supporting others. I aim to attend 2 meetings a week depending on my work. Very important for my recovery and it shows my wife I'm doing my very best to stay gamble free. Yes, the first meeting was a nervous one, not knowing who or what to expect, I sat there and I could relate to addicts from all aspects of gambling.
Probably be worth you and your husband attending.
Wishing you all the best.
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