Life ruined

Hi there,

Don’t be so hard on yourself. We have all been in your shoes at some point in our lives. Chasing the win.

If you are serious about quitting this then you can do it. I think giving your cards to someone else is a must and limit yourself to having a small amount of cash on you.

From a prevention point of view you can use Gamstop to prevent online gambling. Set it to 5 years and off you go carrying on with life.

You can also exclude yourself from local betting shops. They will block you and remove you from the shop which is a tad embarrassing I’d think.

Remember you can do it and what you lose if you don’t. All of us on this forum have lost hence why we are here.

You are now Day 1 gamble free. That will then become day 2 then 3 and so on.

Keep on smiling and enjoy those moments with your family and girlfriend. 🙂

CJ.

Dear Billyhlife93,

Well done for joining the forum and posting about the difficult time you are having.

Please do get in touch with us either on the Helpline 0808 8020 133 or the Neltine to discuss your gambling problem.

Keep posting and reaching out, you are not alone, there is support available for you.

Best wishes,

Forum Admin

Hey Billy and welcome to the forum :)).

Weve all been though the motions of wanting to stop but actually until you really do want to stop your just paying lip service to your gambling mind , I know because I did the same for soo many years and really wish I'd got to grips with this addiction or at least acknowledged I had a problem sooner , the money's just one issue and athough it sting's a bit the important issue is the time wasted and ruined relationships with those we hold dear or supposedly hold dear ?.

Anyway well done for finally realising it's not going to get any better until you stop for good but that being said I remember stopping for good being a scary prospect so going forward It's just better to look at it as One day at a time at least for now .

Youv'e been to Ga and although you said they didn't help at the time , maybe this time around with a different mindset you have thing's maybe better this time around ? , I've never attended myself so don't really feel qualified to make a comparison but many on here have nothing but praise for the way it's helped thm beat the demon , I think for me personally I was at the last chance saloon so just had to do it for me and 3 yrs on I've still not gambled :)) .

Tonnes of help out there my friend and loads on her as well , it's about tailoring the package that suits you as no one size will fit all .

There's a good thread at the top of the page by Mixer which outlines much of the info you'll need to help you get started so it's worth taking a look at .

There's always " light at the end of the tunnel my friend " ( even if it's sometimes like in my case "Some git with a torch just brining me some more work " ) 🙁 , seriously though when I came here quite broken I 'd contemplated ending it all as I was that low but in reality all I really wanted was for the pain to stop , which now I've stopped gambling and doing what I was doing to myself and those around me , it has stopped and life has slowly returned to normal , were never going to be cured mate but we don't have to act on those feelings anymore .

Life can be rebuilt and money re earned my friend , no need to look on it all as the end of everything but instead the begining of something new .

Hand over all financial control and get help from whoever you need but most of all be honest with yourself and those you hold dear .

Talk soon mate and wish you well :))

Alan

Hello,

Thanks for you messages i slipped up today I am not going to lie to you both, but i do really need and want to stop i suppose its not as easy as it sounds. Your messages of support really help me and well done for not gambling i dont know how you done it, when you have lost thousands of pounds it hurts ill be hurting for weeks. But i have suffered from depression and anxiety can that be caused by gambling? I am also very stressed now ive lost nearly 3 grand in a space of two days, how ive not done nothing stupid is beyond me. Is there anyway i can get in contact with one of you i just need some help and guidance. I feel like a broken man. I know have blocked everything on my phone and i dont even want a bank account nomore im so disappointed in myself. Im willing to change my ways i want to be like you both just could do with some help some days. So let me know if i can message you privately for some tips.

Hi Billy , the trouble is mate your still trying and thinking that you can gamble your way of this , your brains thinking just one more big win will put it all right and I can carry on doing what I've always done , it's something most on here have done including myself . You may even think that of you do stop now that after a few weeks you'll have some control back and that you'll be able to gamble again ?.

Sorry mate your a Compulsive gambler and all this mess won't stop until you have a good rummage around , find a pair and deal with the fact that your an addict just like me .

I'm 3yrs clean and as happy as I am with my lot I could never gamble again as one bet is all it would take , the only difference this time is that I accept this now and am quite happy to live along side my addiction through choice .

You said in yesterday's post that " You couldn't gamble because you had no money left " and yet now you have the ability to find more to gamble with ?

I'm not interested in where it came from that's your business but putting blocks in place is one thing and still being able to lay your hand;s on funds is another .

You can't be trusted to have access to money so you need to hand over financial control to someone you trust and like I said yeserday start being honest .

Youv'e a massive fight on your hands with addiction mate but you have the choice and nobody's making you gamble except you , you also have a choice how difficult you make this , so on one hand you can do everything you can to prevent yourself from having a bet or you can do what youv'e always and leave the door wide open for addiction to walk back in anytime it likes , your choice ? .

Admin have left the number for their helpline and I'd advise you to call it as a first port of call, nothing to lose and everything to gain ?.

And read Mixers thread at the top of the page :)) .

All the best for now mate .

Hi all,

I 100% want to stop i don't think i really want a life of being skint, losing my girlfriend, losing my family, ending up on the streets or prison. I want to change and i have started putting steps in place to do this like downloading gamblock and i am now blocked off every gambling app or online website in the UK for 5 years thanks to Alans advice.

With the money situation i had some money coming back to my account which i got today i didnt binge like i usually do today but that isnt the point i still done it which im ashamed of, i still have some money in my account but i dont know what to do as my parents get a text message when my bank account is low and i dont want to alert them to my situation because i work for them and i dont want to lose my job or get kicked out my house as i need to get some source of money coming in. I know im an addict and i need help, i am going to counselling next week for gambling as well and maybe my girlfriend would benefit from some counselling as we have been through a hard time of late.

I just like to be reassured and for someone to say life without gambling is so much better and explain to me how much better off they are and how their life has changed for the good, i mean how do i get 8000 worth of debt to 0 from not gambling at the moment it seems impossible to me but i know i have to stop and i will, I cant do this to people i love anymore. Im 25 and i have nothing to show for myself by the time i get any money back it will take years, i just feel like i had everything and ill never get it back which really gets me down.

Lastly how do i find mixers thread i have been looking for it on my iphone and cant find it? Also some good sucess stories to read would be helpful to inspire me. Hopefully going back to work next week will occupie me as ive been at home lately and with a gambling addiction thats the last thing you wanna do. Again thanks for the feedback.

BH

I understand where your coming from billy when you ask about the debt which is a huge scary issue for you but you need to face it full on and deal with it , it's tough mate I know but not the end of the world and certainly not your biggest problem .

When I stopped I owed about 20 k but set about repaying affordable amounts back monthly , you still have to live day to day and your recovery is for life from now on so what's the rush ? .

I agree with ALN above when he say's that you need to tell your family or at least one of your parent's , ok their gonna be peed off with you and call you a few choice words but their still your parents at the end of the day and I know if my kids were in the same situation I'd like to know .

As I said it is tough buddy , this didn't happen overnight and it wont go away without some hard effort on your part . I wouldn't accept any handouts from family either if you go down that route because as great as that seems it'll wipe your debt in your mind and give you the green light to pick up where you left off .

The question of reassurance that life will be better without gambling in it ? ,.................... Well , If you carry on as you are and it all spirals out of control ( which it will by the way ) and you lose your girl , all of your possesions , your job and the house , not to mention your dignaty and self esteem , you begin lying ( which is already happening by not being honest , first stage ) , stealing cheating and what ever else you'll need to do to fund your habit , what do you think will be better ? .

At twenty five you have the ability to walk away from all this and turn your life around and in a couple of years everything could be so different but as I said earlier it's your call ? .

As for Mixers thread it's at the top of the recoveries diary's page click on that then scroll to the top 3rd one down " Want to do something read this " by Mixer :)) .

Ps , the only point I'll diagree with ALN about is the drug addiction phrase .

For me it was a drug , the more I got the more I wanted and needed my next bet to get the " Rush " then as I got used to the rush I needed more and more, when I did finally stop I definately got withdrawl symptoms from it and had to learn to fight those urges when they came .

That's just me mate so everyone else maybe different ?.

I'm in my 30s and feel like I've waste a decade. Don't make the same mistake as me. Sound slike you have a good girlfriend as well. Time to make a plan and not only try to stop gambling but prepare a plan for wher eyou want your life to be in the future. Gambling robs not only money, but time and attention from you with progressing with your life. That is the true robbery right there.

Thank you for your help and advice i havent gambled today which im happy with i know its only one day but thats one day and I'm onto the next. Also does gambling cause depression and anxiety because its got worse of late i feel so depressed and worthless because of what i done i think to myself with that money i could of took my girlfriend away on holiday and relaxed but i gave 3 grand to a mobile phone screen what the hell is wrong with me, this isnt normal. I feel so bad for my girlfriend i feel like ive ruined her life and everyone close to me when im really down i get thoughts of just taking myself out the situation because ive tried to stop so many times and failed i really dont want to fail again. I know this is a long porcess and you wont see the rewards for months but i hope and pray i can keep my mind off gambling even though tv adverts constanly try to bring you back in or emails which is a joke gambling adverts should be banned. When i stopped gambling for a little while before it seemed like everyone around me was winning bets like my friends its like something is trying to tempt you back also whenever i know a big horse race is on i get an urge to go and bet but im blocked now but as someone said before to me a “gambler always finds ways to bet if they want to” so that worrys me for the future.

In reply to “urgh” i have a plan and thats to have a nice car as i have no car now thanks to myself, get a house with my girlfriend go on a nice holiday as she deserves that and pay my debts off. But im guessing saving up will take years and i would have wasted my young years gambling which is great, i guess you can only look forward now.

Hi Billy,

you sound like me a couple of years ago.. huge debts was about to lose everything including my daughter... have a read of my diary and im sure you will see similarities. but you wanted to hear some success stories and i believe mine is one. i went from 20k in debts2 and a bit years ago and since then i have had a wedding in florida [took my daughter to disney world at the same time] and have managed to get a mortgage... yes it seems like a huge mountain to climb i remember how daunting it was. For me i had to hit rock bottom tto realise i had to stop.. i was about to lose everything so i was definitely at that stage. i know what you are saying that your girlfriend deserves nice holidays etc. i had the same feelings then started to think oh well maybe i dont need to win the 20k back and maybe if i just win 1k ill take her away and that will atleast make her happy... Please dont get into that frame of mind. yes you may have hurt her through all of this but the only way to fix that is by sorting yourself out.. not promising her material things.

im 28 now so was the same age as you when i realised i had a problem. i managed to get where i am now by taking the advice from the amazing people on here. yes it was a huge debt to pay so i worked every minute of overtime i could [for the money but also to prove to my family how dedicated i was to sorting this out] plus when im working i was not gambling so that always helped.

its not going to fix itself in a couple of months it will take a couple of years.. you cant change your past but d**n it you can change your future. make this day be day number 2.

i strongly suggest you tell someone about this [not your gf as obvviously she has been enabling you to get like this] so a parent a parent, sibling or a best friend. i promise they will not judge they will only want to help. but just being able to talk to someone about it whenever you get an urge can help so much.

tunnie

Hello Billy

You've had some wonderful empathetic replies. ALN is spot on in just a few sentences. You are young, it can be just a blip and all being well you'll be able to look back on this period as a minute chapter in your life. Just imagine a huge jigsaw of your life, if you manage to move forward now, there'll be a time when your gambling days are just one or two "pieces" of this jigsaw. For me it wasn't the money loss, I spent an awful lot but miraculously didn't lose financially, it was the emotional "loss" which is a struggle to move on from.

If you want inspiration, settle down with a hot brew and find member "signalman's" diary "HELP, I JUST NEED PEOPLE TO BE THERE FOR ME RIGHT NOW." in the Recovery Diaries section. I'm in awe of this man and you will be too I'm sure. I'm pretty sure that's the title but the writer is definitely SIGNALMAN.

You are really lucky, you can, with lots of work, move away from this and it will become a distant bad memory.

I truly wish you well. T x

There are those on the forum who will preach about the 12 step program and putting blocks in place to stop you gambling

I won’t because there is a much simpler way to look at it

Gambling is a very destructive product and arguably shouldn’t be as accessible as it is in this country but that’s another story for another day

It can take you to euphoria and make you temporarily wealthy , but It is also capable of placing you face down in the gutter with nowhere to turn which coincidently is when most people will seek help on this forum

is there a middle ground in between the euphoria and chaos ? if there is then its only temporary as the very nature of gambling is to tempt you into playing again again and again it is impossible to constantly win so its inevitable that one day you will end up in the gutter

The tales of sorrow far outweigh the tales of success with gambling just read through this forum to see for yourself

Only you can make the decision as to whether you want to take the risk with the rest of your life

I’ve spent over a decade of my life placing bets…….some of them paid off most didn’t

where would I be now had I not decided to spend the last 10 years gambling ?

Probably travelling the world , Instead im locked into a systematic 9-5 office job paying bills , life’s far from bad but its hardly what I dreamt of

I know what I need to do to change do you ?