Hello Folks
My name is Andy and I've been playing fruit machines since 1982, so much time and money wasted. I have spells where I don't play, could be a week, a month, a few months, my record is exactly a year. I've always gone back to the machines though.
Today I gambled £300, 300 that was my profit from yesterdays playing, that being my first win for many months. I know when I win that it will go back in the machines, if not today then another day.
I have been lurking around the forum for some weeks now, I've been reading Charly's life, at times it's left me feeling wrecked but also I've found it inspirational.
So much so that I've decided to dive in with an intro, I'm hoping to head over to Recovery Diaries at some point and get something posted up, I have to decide whether that's really going to help though. I spent 10 years doing group psychotherapy , one to one and about 8 of those 10 years seeing a psychologist. Whilst my depression, anger and my alcoholism were addressed I'm still mentally fragile, I still haven't really learnt to like life or myself very much at all. Win or lose (usually lose) I dislike myself most of all when I gamble, it's a far worse and less understandable addiction than my alcoholism has ever been. I have some control over my drinking yet I still go back to the slots. I have abstained, sometimes for what seems a very long time. I just keep going back, mostly when I'm really depressed, bored or any other reason or excuse my mind can offer up.
Thanks for reading.
Hi Andy, everyone who posts, deserves a reply. I can really empthasise with you regarding boredom and gambling. I have followed fotb's purely at times because i was bored. There's some great advice on here, the forum staff are really good, read away, post away, but remember if you want to stop the gambling .... it has to come from within.
Hi Andy,
Boredom is what gets me also, i have been busy with moving house and having 3 kids plus a partner on maternity and a full time job. I know when the busy period is over will be tempted but im ready for it.13 days bet free and striving for that feeling never to appear again. the uncrontolable urge to splurge on FOBT's or online football.
Keep busy with a computer game is my advice, i like to relax when the kids are in bed so Football Manager helps. Better than no family, Partner or money.
Thanks for the replies guys. I've not gambled since my post here, drank alcohol since the 9th of Jan or smoked since 12th of Jan.
I seem to be on a mission, just gotta watch out for those triggers.
Hi Andy, today is my very first day of joining, you're the first one I've read, I find it good to talk about it with experienced, understanding people. I've been gambling since I was very small on slot machines, then progressed to every form of gambling, it's my only weakness, drink, drugs, women, have never been an issue, but the relation between addition is understandable...I've took that step of joining and will talk and help myself to get through this weakness, that's all it is, a weakness. I've always denied that this would help, no one is ever THERE to stop you from gambling, it's so easy to just walk in and put your money in, but it's YOUR mind and will that can do it, I KNOW I can, just keep that frame of mind. I've had bouts of not gambling, for 3 years, but my councillor made it clear, I didn't stop becoming a gambler, It's just I didn't do it for a while...keep strong, I'll need help, I'll need people telling me and asking me how I'm doing, they are the people that care about you. Seems everyone on here has understanding and can relate to our common adversery in life.....keep your chin up!
Hi,
It's very interesting to read the stories people post about their gambling. It seems to cut across all types of people and I can tell there are some very intelligent and articulate people on here. They are far more academically bright than me, yet we have all got this addiction in common.
From my own perspective I suffered from severe depression for years and never really liked myself. The gambling highs were a wonderful kind of escapism from reality. However the dreadful lows and the accompanying desperation soon put me back in the hideous real world. That's the crux I suppose. The gambling was a bit like a cruel jailer letting you escape for a while. Just as you thought you'd escaped for keeps (when you are on a winning streak) he'd drag you back to a nasty dungeon. Each time you were dragged back the dungeon was more hideous and foul.
I suppose in the end I decided escape was possible and for keeps. In order to do it though I've had to be ready for it and hugely determined to succeed. I've had to have the right tools in place ie This Forum and the 2015 Challenge, blocking all forms of gambling, contacting gamcare for advice, taking up hobbies and exercise. It's been no easy ride, very much one day at a time but the pangs/urges or whatever you want to call them have started to subside.
On the plus side I don't feel as depressed as I did. What little money I have left over after paying the inevitable debts and keeping my life going is now mine. I am really starting to realise the actual value of the money in my pocket and what can be done with it in the world outside of gambling.
One thing I will say is that when I first started on horses and football years ago it was easy enough to lose biggish sums of money. Now it's as though society is bombarded from all sides with adverts and bonus offers. The opportunities for gambling are at an unprecedented level so your guard (and preventative measures) has to be up more than ever now to prevent a relapse.
I'm now on Day 36 of freedom and I don't intend to slide back into old ways.
Stay Strong Everyone and keep Reading and Posting on here.
Bye for Now.
Thank you everyone for your words & reflections, it's very kind of you all to read my posts and comment. I wasn't sure that posting here would help me, I'm pleased to say its helped and continues to help me immensely. I think without being here I would have nipped off for a wee bit of gambling and a large amount of remorse, pain and money down the drain. The signs were there, thinking just try a tenner but I know I would spend every last penny and want to throw my myself off Beachy Head (which is not so far away).
I'm still not drinking or smoking either, those two things seem relatively easy not to do compared to gambling. I have major health problems and in a perverse way those health issues distract me from my addictions and partaking in them.
I hope you are all well and thanks again for your valued input here, it's making a big difference.
Cheers
Andy
Hope all hoes well for you Andy, keep them horrible urges to the back of your mind, we can all relate to them and know exactly what you mean about them, stay positive and focused...we can all beat this with help and communication! As always I never end in "good Luck' there's no luck involved, just mental battles and sacrifice, but we'll all be better off!
Be strong, I'll keep watching you!
We'll done on the first steps to recovery ! I woke up this morning and decided enough is enough for me . I have lost way to much money , but more importantly , time on gambling . I don't really know where to start , I guess I need to find a new hobby or join a gym. But reading your story has given me hope . Thank you
Hello everyone
A quick hello, after all this time.Â
I'm still not smoking, but alas, the same cannot be said for the booze or gambling. More later, this is hard to talk about.
I hope you are all as well as can be, given what an awful year it has been.Â
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
