My Gambling Story

Hi everyone, 

This is my first post. So ill briefly signpost everything, so firstly how I developed my gambling problem, how i tried to “fix” it, how I relapsed and finally how im currently doing. Anyone reading this, i would be more than grateful to take on any advice be in on gambling, life advice, your personal experience etc. It will be a very long post so to anyone that reads all of this, I can’t express how appreciative I am for hearing my story! 

I think it all began at the age of 16-17 (I am currently 22). I grew up in a rough neighbourhood in London and the financial situation at home wasn’t too great either. We’ve always been a family that just about make ends meet, but never once did I blame my parents they work really hard each day to provide for brothers and myself and keep the family safe. 

At the time, like most kids in my area, trying to make a quick flip to make money was the motto. This sort of make money quick was always engraved in my head and it had put me in a lot of bad situations. 

i think i was around 17 when i first went to an adult arcade, nobody really checked our ID’s but they had this app where you could redeem a £10 match bonus for the £10 you put in to the FOBT machine. We saw this as a quick hustle as me and my friends would go in put £10 on the machine, the casino worker would top it up by £10 and we’d do a few 20p spins and as soon as they left, we’d cash out the odd £18 and walk away with £8 profit. Back then it was amazing because i could rinse and repeat this at a point was making like £40 a week by doing this. Little did i know back then that this would  lead to me developing a gambling problem that has ruined my life. 

Eventually the workers caught on and banned me from the venue for exploiting their rewards program. Around this time i had just turned 18 and the whole world of online casinos opened up. Initially doing the same sort of thing i did before where id deposit and get a bit of a top up bonus and then withdraw after the min betting requirements were done. 

However, within weeks i had pretty much got most the sign up bonuses from the main sites. At this point i felt great, I had turned 18, had money in the bank most of which was from gambling “safely” thinking ahh its similar to match betting and i have just scammed the system. I was on top of the world buying stuff i could never buy before, going on holiday, there was a point where i’d get the cab to college and back every day just because i could. 
If i could ever go back in time and tell my younger self the harm that this would cause in the long run, I would do it in a heartbeat. 

Shortly after, i took my first big loss around £100. I thought wow thats £100 i could have used for a new pair of trainers. So in went another £100 to fish out the initial loss and before i knew it my whole bank balance was just gone trying to chase the loss. This is where i made the most stupid decision. I realised now that I’m 18, i could take out loans so over a period of 5-6 months i took out about 3k worth of loans over multiple payday providers and defaulted on every single one. 

I was in my second year of college by now and I developed extreme anxiety, insomnia, depression and my attendance and grades at sixth form were falling to an all time low. Still not a single person knew about it. My family and friends all noticed that i was always down but i’d downplay it as not getting enough sleep or that i was tired from studying at working a part time job. 

My addiction just grew from then, the ever lasting chase you could call it. My weekly part time pay was going straight to the casino as I was delusional in believing that around 6k worth of defaulted loans with the crazy amounts of interest could be made back one day with the right bet. Through out the year I struggled financially, failed college so had to resit the year and my addiction along with the debt, depression and anxiety all built up exponentially. 

During my resit of second year of college, i was still gambling losing every month. Debt collection letters coming through the post, college grades falling, all of which I hid from my family. 

Some how i managed to scrape through the year and got in to university. Not my favourite choice of uni, i knew i could do so much better. So now at a bad uni still struggling with debt and gambling, on a course i hated and with student finance dropping in to my account every term, It took a turn for the worst. The whole first terms loan around £2.5k was gone in a week. Now struggling to pay my accommodation rent, i picked up a part time job which meant that my attendance at uni was close to zero. Even then some weeks i’d lose my wages and i would spend on absolute necessities like tesco basics bread, milk eggs. I had no money to socialise with my uni mates, further driving my depression and gambling addiction as i seeked to gambling online as my form of entertainment. 
After pretty much losing around 5k mid year and being in arrears on rent. I finally chose to come on gamcare for advice. I always put on a strong appearance but this time i knew i was done for. I was crying my room and the worst part is for the first time in my life i had suicidal thoughts. Luckily gamcare 24/7 live support was available. I spoke to someone and it gave me temporary relief. 

After taking all of it on board, i went home and cried out a confession to my mum. She was angry upset, heartbroken and absolutely devastated. This wasn’t the son she had raised. Thereafter, i signed up to gamstop and took a year out to work and repay all my debts. 

I thought it was all over, I thought i was cured. At this point i was working a full time job in a kitchen, doing 40-50 hours a week. My gambling stopped and I was chipping away at my now nearly £13,000 debt. I was also re doing my A levels so that i could reapply to a better university and do the course that i wanted. I actually got the grades and actually managed to get the uni offer. I hadn’t felt this great ever before in my life and I thought you know what I’ve really overcome this nasty addiction. 

Once again in hindsight I was so wrong. This was summer of 2021, my mum had placed £2,000 in my account for safe keeping as i had a savings account that could be locked for a set period of time. I did one of the worst things imaginable. The money she had trusted me with was now a reason for me to gamble again. I very very stupidly thought i could quickly turn this in to £4000 and at the time crypto casinos were rising in popularity. They had no gamstop restrictions, no ID checks and i could deposit and withdraw bitcoin instantly. My 5 year gamstop ban didn’t affect it at all.

With this sudden urge i took the whole £2000 converted it to bitcoin deposited it and playing £500 blackjack hands and £500 roulette spins, within 5mins the 2k was gone. My gambling had always put me at harm and put me through very bad financial hardships but now i truly felt evil. I was so scared to tell my mum but i had to be honest, crying once again as i came clean. I had lost all the trust i had rebuilt but now i was also a harm to others. 

Even at this point, my poor mum was more upset at the fact that I was gambling and hurting myself mentally than about the money. Even though that was really a lot of money that she had earned through hard work. 

Once again we overcame this, still with around 8k in debt. I started University in September 2021. I took on gambling therapy and had weekly phone calls with my therapist. The first thing he said was hand your personal finances to someone you trust like your mum. I took on board everything else he said except for this. I thought im a grown man now at the age of 22. I can’t possibly rely on my mum to check my banking every week and send over 50 quid a week to my student account and take over the responsibility of all the payments that leave my main account. 

This silly silly mistake is what has led to the current situation that i’m in. Around February of this year 2022 just 7-8 weeks ago. I thought i was doing well. Was working part time, at a great uni doing a course I really enjoy. I had a family friend who helped out massively. Of the 8k worth of debt that i had, he had kindly given me 5k to consolidate most of my debt so that the interest wouldn’t keep growing. On the basis that every month for the next 10 months, i paid £500. My mum knew about this also and had offered to chip in if i was ever short. 

But 8 weeks ago, i found out that my job was ending and i started to panic as to how I’d make the £500 payments. Which now seems like the most stupid reason, i started to gamble again. Once again on the crypto sites as i was not banned through gamstop. 

After losing my February pay as a whole, I panicked and started asking friends for money to borrow and making up all sorts of excuses but ultimately it was money to fuel he gambling addiction. Before i knew it, regardless of over 20 hours of therapy, the many deep conversations with my mum and family and all the promises i had made to change, i was right back at it. Then came my 3k student finance which i blew in a day, pawning my laptop, asking my mum for money all of which went straight in to the casino and all of which is gone.

At the point of writing this, I have around £3k worth of debts with creditors, i owe close to £4k to my family friend who consolidated my debt, i now owe another £5k to friends and family. I have to leave my accommodation now because i am around £4k in rent arrears so all in im around £16,000 in the red. 

The feeling i have now is worse than anything i’ve ever experienced before. Every time in the past when i’ve said this is the worst situation i’ve ever been in, Now this is truly the worst. £16,000 in debt at the age of 22. I feel like an absolute joke. I have friends calling and messaging me rightly so for the money i owe. My Accommodation is about to give me an eviction letter. Lied again after everything i’ve put my family through about my gambling and now owing them money too based on lies. For God sake even my laptop which has all my uni coursework is sitting in a pawn shop about to be taken because i can’t afford the repayment on it. 

I’ve done it all to myself and can’t blame a single person for my actions. Its been 4-5 years now where this cycle of addiction has been growing out of control. I am literally drowning in debt right now. Once again put myself in the worst possible financial situation. The worst part of this relapse is that i’ve broken the trust my mum had yet again. If i was her, I wouldn’t trust me ever again. If i were my friends, i would stop being friends with myself. I’m now holed up in my uni room because I don’t have a single penny to even get home and even if i did what then? I still have a whole term of uni to complete and without paying the rent arrears i can’t stay here. My laptop is in a pawn shop and all the hard work i’ve done over the year is on there. Why would i even do that to myself? It’s like i am self harming myself through gambling and knowing full well the consequences and knowing that im going deeper and deeper and i can’t stop. There is something seriously wrong with me and I keep hurting the ones that love me the most. 

If you’ve made it this far, I thank you once again for listening to me. I honestly wouldn’t wish this to my worst enemy. I don’t think anyone should ever be in the position that I’ve gotten myself in to. I curl up in my bed pretty much all day now avoiding calls from everyone. I thought i’d share this as i know there might be other in a world of problems of their own and by sharing this i hope theres somebody that could benefit and somebody that might offer advice. Im happy to take anything on board as to how to proceed with my life now. Thank you!