Well. I am back again after 10 weeks clean with my first attempt to try go clean again. Although I have been trying to quit for the last 2 years it wasn't until the end of July I realised I REALLY need to try to quit. And it worked the first week or two were hard but after that there would be whole days when I wouldn't even think about it, some days I would but the temptation was low.
Until suddenly this month October I decided just to have a little flutter. I can't even remember when how or why I just got engulfed in that addiction again.
Due to my previous bimges I had racked up affordable debt but it was still debt. I had nothing to show for that money I had borrowed like a new car or something worthwhile, it was to pay for money I had lost.
I couldn't even begin to tell you how much money I have lost in the last 3-4 years but I could hazard a guess at 50,000 pounds. I am 25 that is a lot of money. The guilt of winning big and not just quitting and living a happy life will eat me up for the rest of my life. It is not always about numbers and about recovery. I at the age of 23 had 25,000 sat in my bank mostly... I lost that 25,000 in the matter of 3 months chasing that buzz.
Ever since then I have been teetering on the edge of debt and profit.
I am here for my second attempt at going gamble free. Slots are my enemy. Hopefully this time goes better than the first attempt which I was so proud of.
Good Luck to everyone out there, and let hope tomorrow is a better day.
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