My second attempt at recovery!

Hi

Hi

I was so filled with fear on walking in to the recovery program.I honestly thought that if I stopped gambling I would be happy.

In time I got to pay back my debts and then found that I had certain unhealthy habits.Trying to get some thing for nothing or cheap.

Then the question why could I not put more time and effort in to my recovery.Fear and procrastination were not healthy for me.

In time I got to write down all of my fears and in time reduced those fears from 10 out of 10 to single numbers.

Then the question what are my needs my wants and my goals.

Then to have a healthy habit of writing down my daily lists so I could become more productive.In the old days I thought that advice given was by people trying to control me.

My own control issues indicated how inadequate and insecure I was in my self.The recovery program helped me become more motivated in healthy ways.

I use to do things reluctantly or resentfully, why do things and not feel good about it.In the recovery program I got to understand that I was not an evil or bad or stupid person.

I was how ever adversely affected by the pains suffering and traumas in my life.This trauma adversely affected my ability to learn or understand education.

In time I got to understand that my conscience told me that deep down I was a healthy good person. Working in the recovery program I would understand that I had become my own worst enemy.

The pains in my life caused fears in me that I did not understand. By working in the recovery program I would understand that my fears very much restricted me from having a full healthy life.

That my unhealthy fears very much restricted me from having healthy emotional intimate relationships with my self and with other people. By working on my recovery I would understand how much I needed to do to become a much healthier person.

The addictions and obsessions just indicated that I had certain emotional triggers. Pains caused an unhealthy reaction because I was not able to heal my pains.

Fears disabled me from being healthy and interactive with al people. My frustrations were due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

By me having unreasonable expectations of people life and situations I was in effect causing my self pains time and time again. Loneliness due to my fears of emotional intimacy.

Boredom because I was unable to fulfill my needs my wants or my goals.

What is success, some people might think it is being rich. Then one day it was explained that being successful is about having goals where we fulfill our needs our wants and our goals by our own healthy actions and words.

The money at one time was just the fuel for my addiction. Sadly just by taking away money from our person did not stop the feelings of wanting to escape when I was emotionally vulnerable.

I am a non religious person yet I am a much healthier spiritual person today. By working my recovery I am more caring and more loving.

By working my recovery I am more respectful of my self and other people. The recovery program helped me help my self become a much healthier productive person.

It is not possible for me to run away from my self. How much time and effort do I put in to my life today.

Am I able to give of my self unconditionally today with out any expectations of other people. Only when I love my self could I love other people.

Only when I respect my self could I respect other people. How much more time and effort am I willing to invest in to my self today.

I have been in recovery now over two thirds of my life.

I have now been clean from gambling for over 32 years in recovery.

I have now been clean from smoking over twenty years.

I have now been clean from drinking tea or coffee over twenty years.

I have now been clean from hating my self over twenty years.

What value do I put on my healthy life today.

Healing Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham